i just read a discussion on another blog.. about TPE (total power exchange) - well that wasn't the exact topic... but then i am known for not staying on topic on most blogs!
It was the TPE that jumped out and rattled my brain. i once knew a slave who lived a total TPE relationship. She had no job but serving her Master. She lived completely and totally in the BDSM world. Even when she ventured out in the vanilla world - it was under her Master's orders or with Him at her side. He thought for her 24/7 .. made decisions for her, she didn't have a charge card to her name, didn't have a bank account, she ate what He gave her to eat .. even the clothes on her back were bought by Him. It all sounded very fairy tale-ish and like so much fun !! How i daydreamed about being able to live such a life.
BUT in the back of mind was the one thing i always stressed with my daughters - never ever rely on anyone! to support you - always make sure you have the means to support yourself - because life can throw you some pretty mean curve balls.
Anyway getting back to TPE......Occasionally i come across a blog where the submissive is being groomed to be a total slave.. totally and completely dependent on her Master. Part of me is a little bit jealous...... but another part of me niggles at the thought. Today at lunch Sir and i were discussing how happy i would be if i never ever had to go work again.. and He made some comment about / apology for not being able to "keep me in the way i wished". And i choked. Is that what i truly want?? a total TPE??
i thought back to my friend the slave in a total TPE....... and i remembered what happened when her Master died suddenly. She was totally and completely at a loss. She had been in this relationship for going on 20 years. 20 years of not thinking for herself !! 20 years of not owning anything.. not a bank account.. not a credit card.. nothing. The death of her Master sent her spiraling down - she didn't know how she would live from day to day...... The worst of it was how she couldn't function without being told what to do.. what to wear.. when to get up and when to go bed. i found it very difficult to visualize. i found it even more difficult to imagine.
But - when Sir took His "retreat" last month and i was left with no rules to follow..... no structure .. i was lost. i was devastated. Every morning i sat in front of the computer screen and stared at it aimlessly (usually first thing in the morning i send Sir a private journal)... at 8:00 each evening i was lost - no chatting with Sir on msn... everything was out of kilter. Everything except for the fact that i had to get up each morning and go to work. It became my rock on which i depended. It was a reason to get up and get dressed and get out the door.
i guess i worry about all these young subbies who have found their dream Master - one who can and does support them completely. Their only job being to serve Him. i hope with all that is me that their Masters have made arrangements for them should anything happen to Them. But even then, i worry how they will cope in a world that expects everyone - man or woman - to make their own way. It is hard enough to deal with a death of a spouse / loved one/partner without having to struggle with the total helplessness that comes from being a TPE slave. i said to Sir once.. jokingly.. when He was talking about His will.. that He had better put in a codicil and leave me to a Dominant of His choice! Not so silly a thought if one thinks about a slave with no raison d'être except for her Master.
TPE is an interesting choice and a worrisome one too.