Wednesday, March 21, 2007

on feeling full......

(as promised ... this post is about my monday night task)

Funny how things happen........ on Monday morning in my private journal to Sir i was telling Him about my need to feel full.... to feel Him in me. (i am trying to be polite here - mainly so i don't blush!!)

When i got home from work Monday Sir had sent me an email telling me that i was to masturbate every hour on the hour with my bestest friend (translation pink vibrator) and i was to put the nipple clamps on while i was masturbating. The clamps were to be removed after i had cum. Now it wasn't exactly what i was dreaming of......... but considering the situation it was the next best thing. So i started at 6:00 with my bestest friend and nipple clamps. It was strange because i really do HATE nipple clamps.. and Sir has been kind (that's the G.O.S. side of Him) and hasn't been doing much with the nipple clamps. i thought as i screwed them on (ok ok i will admit it.. not all that tight for the first few times... BUT by 8:00 i was feeling a tad guilty and did put them on tighter) that it would appear Sir is returning to nipple torture. i wasn't too sure (hell i am still not too sure) if i liked the idea. BUT if it meant having some wonderful orgasms i wasn't gonna pass up the chance.

i thought...... as in the past it has happened.. that by the 3rd orgasm i would be losing interest. BUT that wasn't the case on Monday. i am guessing my body was more needy than even i imagined. Each time it was amazingly wonderful... and didn't feel all that much like a punishment - which i most certainly deserved for declaring a subbie revolt - but it felt like a wonderful reward ......... for what i have no idea.

Then today i was feeling the twitching that i associate with the need for more activity of the sexual kind... when i came home to read an email about fisting.. and read kaya’s blog about fisting. i have to admit to thinking the gods were out to get me.. i was already feeling needy and then to read about fisting the twitching just got worse.

It also made me realize that that is one of my life long dreams....... to be fisted. It has never been accomplished - not for lack of trying. Every trick in the book has been tried to get a fist into me.. and even a small female hand will not slide all the way into me. It just doesn't happen. The diagnosis is that i am just too small. (shall i pout now?? ) Once it was said to me that it was surprising i couldn't be fisted - seeing as i had had 2 babies. Now i can't help but wonder what having children has to do with being fisted?? Does the birth of a baby leave you forever stretched?? i honestly don't know .. sometimes my lack of "education" surprises even me......... but you see .. i did have 2 babies .. but not by natural child birth.. i was declared too small to deliver them.

So i am guessing i am doomed to never experience the feeling of being filled ...... totally and completely filled. Am i missing something?? i think i am....... but then i would like to experience a few things that just ain't ever going to happen ......... and you just get over it right??


  1. Anonymous7:44 pm

    I am not so sure about the "just get over it" part. I think I would tend to always wonder.

    Perhaps you can find something else to substitute that is equally as arousing and stimulating that you can do!

    (And the having babies part...if you have one vaginally...your body obviously goes through stages during delivery to prepare for the baby to pass through.....same for fisting. Your body can (in most cases) slowly prepared to accommodate a fist. Most women can dilate large enough for a big baby to pass...which is much larger than a fist but then again some cannot and have to have them via C-section. I never dilated past 9 cm with Noah and no amount of pushing was going to get his big head out of me. SO I did not have him vaginally either.

    Could I ever dilate past 9 cm? I think so....given time. In Noah's case we had no time because he was getting squished and in distress.

    but then again who knows....I am only guessing here

  2. I have nothing to say. Well, maybe...bless C sections! (I know, that was unforgivably sexist. It isn't the size of the chapel but rather the size of the organ in the chapel.)

  3. Anonymous9:31 pm

    Are you mising something??? My dear littleone, I can tell you you do... and I can't do nothing else than encourage you and Sir to still try... Being fisted is the ultimate feeling I ever came across... True... I had an orgasm while giving birth to my daughter... I had my two kids by natural ways... and yes, it probably hepls... but... I also stay quite shallow sometimes, who knows why... stress, unsecurities, any other issues...
    but I have been fisted for 2 years or so daily... It was just... a killer... I can't express all the different feelings I got through that, but, hinestly, this is MY ultimate... but since a month or two, it is going at all... I stay shallow... to my greateast lost..

  4. My immature comment: YUCK!

    i don't like fisting.

  5. Anonymous10:23 pm

    I'm not a childbirthing expert by any means, but I do know that the pelvis structure widens, both during pregnancy and natural birth. I think it might go back *some*, but probably not completely. If you've not had a natural birth, it only stands to reason that your pelvis has never stretched that way. Right? Makes sense to me. :D

    The muscles and walls of the vaginal canal are quite elastic though so I'd more likely pin your inability to accomodate a fist on your pelvic structure, and not on the "tightness" of the vagina.

    Yes, I am seriously discussing the tightness of your vagina. Honesty? We should meet up for coffee or something seeing as how we are so personal with each other. ;)

    A good part of being able to be fisted or to 'take' large insertions is in being able to relax. I'm not saying you aren't relaxed, but you made me think of something. Having had three babies vaginally, I'm very well aware of how stretchy, how resilient, and what the limits of my vagina are. So, possibly, I may have an unconsciously relaxed approach to it from the get go? Something to think about anyway.

    I would certainly think that you could find something as a substitute though. I guess it's a different experience for everyone so I couldn't even advise on you what sensation to look for. For me, it's painful and it's really hard pressure.. until it's in and I get incredibly turned on. Other people say there is no pain at all and it's all pleasure. So hell, find the biggest thing that fits and go to town on That should work!

    I wouldn't advise that you try a pillar candle though. That's fisting x 100 to me. ;)


  6. The ability to to resume shape after childbirth actually has more to do with Mom's age than it does with the size of the baby.
    As we age, our fluids (all of them) devcrease, leaving our skin with less elasticity. I had my first at 25, and my vagina went back to shape in no time. I had my last one at 36, and my vagina hasn't been the same since. I can feel the difference, so I'm sure my husband does as well.
    I've gotten REALLY good with my Kegel exercises! lol

    As for fisting, I can't say that I'm a huge fan of it, but I have my moments. :)

  7. I have the same problem with my Master. His fist is just two big. We have tried everything you can imagine. The baby thing is this. When you have a baby your hips widen or dilate to allow the babies head through the pelvic bone area. You know the part that is shaped like a circle well the baby has to pass through the circle like thing and over your tail bone. For me I have had two c-sections because once you have your kinda stuck in repeat mode. So when someone says they are suprised because you are mother that you can't take a fist it is because once the pelvic bone dilates it is almost an instinct to dilate a second time without any baby there. so in order to fist the man has to make his hand tiny tiny depending on the space of your "circle of bone" part described above and pass over that to get to your g-spot which is were the fun is. If you have never passed a child AND you are already small in general (for example my body is set up like a middle school age child. Even cathiders(sp?) have to be pediatric size ) than it is very unlikely to get a normal sized male hand past that pubic circle. Though I have gotten a female hand in and it's heaven in a hand basket. She was also a lot more patient than Master is.

  8. I have never has a baby so I wouldn't know.......


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