Monday, March 12, 2007

It hurts

Sir played hard with me on Saturday night at the play party..... very hard. He poked me in a couple of places and said "I think you will be bruised" and i smiled. i wanted to be bruised..... i wanted to feel the pain the next day.. and maybe the day after that ... i can't explain why .. it doesn't happen often.......... and i wanted to enjoy it.

Sunday i bitched and complained about how sore my ass was.. every time i sat down.. leaned against something.. rubbed it.. it hurt. i was bruised.. just as He predicted i would be.

Today was worse. My pants rubbing against the bruises made me catch my breath... when i leaned against the concrete walls to talk to a kiddie i would wince.. when i sat on the hard school chairs i gasped.

He was right .. i am bruised. And it hurts.


Buffalo asked me if i was complaining in the above post........ which got me thinking....... a lot of mixed up thoughts......... and i realized after i walked away from the computer and was just vegetating that no i wasn't complaining........ but i do feel lonely. Pain can be a very lonely thing. and then i thought how lonely i can feel (sometimes) during a session. Saturday night was one of those times.. i don't know why....... Sir made sure there was lots of physical contact between us........ BUT at one point.. Sir left me hanging around while He went to speak to a friend of ours.. to tease and laugh before He came back to me.... and during that brief time i felt very alone.......... and for some reason i couldn't shake that feeling........

And today every time i felt the twinge from the bruises i felt alone again........ there was a spill over from BDSM to vanilla in a very physical way and it felt strange and weird and lonely.

In an even more strange way i feel like i have crashed....... BUT......... we played on Saturday night.......... and usually if i am gonna crash from a session it is the day after.......not 2 days later............ yet that is exactly what i am feeling.......... pain and alone and unfocused..... it is all very weird .......... but this too shall pass...


  1. Vanilla me has to ask, "Is this a complaint?" Serious question. Not trying to be a wise ass or funny.

  2. Buffalo........

    Truthfully i am not sure if i am complaining or not.. it seems more just a statement of fact.. almost like i am a little bit surprised... cause i think i am a little bit surprised... it has been a long time since Sir has managed to bruise me.. it seems weird to have a pain in the vanilla world .. as though my BDSM life spilled over some how..

    i honestly don't know... i just think i am trying to sort out why my ass hurts when i am wearing my "teacher's hat"... like that isn't supposed to happen...........

    or maybe it is just me ... being weird......

    morningstar (owned by Warren)

  3. Anonymous11:24 pm

    I don't think it's so odd to be crashing two or even three days later. Though I can certainly see how it would be disconcerting, and lonely, to have your BDSM world touching your teacher world.

    It passes. Always does. :)


  4. There seem to be all sorts of emotions that come into play and I have -0- understanding.

  5. Anonymous7:20 am

    I do know those sensations... A little depression after an intense scen... Your bruises are remembering you how it was... but it isn't anymore... Oh well, I'm talking for myself here... you can feel a complete different emotion...

  6. The collision of two worlds; inevitable.
    Don't dwell on it.
    It happened, and it is what it is.

    Sorry for the loneliness you felt, and continue to feel.
    As with Buffalo, I have -0- knowledge of that particular brand of it.
    I can only hope, for your happiness, that it passes.

  7. Anonymous5:47 pm

    I know the lonliness feeling you have, know it all too well, and it is very hard to shake. You can be in a room of people, and still feel very alone.

    lone wolf rides again


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