i was bad on Saturday.... bad bad bad....... BUT like all good subbies i have an excellent reason for my bad behaviour..... excellent!!
Saturday was laundry day..... Saturday was clean up get ready for vanilla company day.. Saturday was no play day.......... and Friday had only just been a tease.......... i was bad because i wanted to play.. i wanted sex.. i wanted to be noticed and used and played with and i acted badly ....... i even dissolved in tears because i felt "ignored"....... i wasn't ignored per say.. i was still expected to make the meals .. fetch the pills .. fetch the juice.. make the coffee and fetch and carry.. i was still expected to wait for permission to enter rooms (which i kinda messed up a couple of times) i wasn't ignored.. i just felt ignored ..... i was bad.
Sunday is dawning with little or no hope of any change in routine........ get showered dressed get breakfast get out the door ......... early !! Last hockey game of the season for grandson...... and well with one thing or another we haven't managed to make one game..... and we promised... so out to a hockey game bright and early........
Sunday afternoon is above mentioned grandson's birthday party......... Sunday night is ... well .. lost ........... for many different reasons.........
so i was bad bad bad..... that is the reason....... and i am sticking to it........
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You are giving me a lot of comfort here.... I often think I am the only one behaving badly because I feel ignored... You are saying that there is many things expected from us out of the play time... but is it enough? Not for me... and I do so behave very badly... for the same reasons you are mentionning here... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI am not alone!!!!!
You mean there is actually an end to hockey season up here?
ReplyDeleteYou have just put into words very well what I have felt many times when I do not receive the "things" I need...or want...or feel I MUST have in order to survive.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I don't always like myself too much then...and it bothers me greatly that "LACK THEREOF" can have such utter control over my own sanity let alone the very depths of my entire being. It affects everything I say or do. I appreciate your painful honesty.
I hope some fun is squeezed in to your day totally unexpectedly!