(and for the record -- I can hear LLF saying "why DIRTY??" )
LLF has been working very hard on my definition of things (especially sexually related things) He has been working on my "I have to be a 'good girl' statements".
He wants me to step beyond my comfort levels because it will be good for me -- cause it is another step in my growing process - another step in being the most authentic me I can be.
I have had this fantasy for a long time - a very long time.
And for a very long time I didn't even whisper it in anyone's ear. I was ashamed of it. Ashamed of how it made me feel (hot and horny) and Ashamed of what people would think of me.
I told LLF about it -- I didn't whisper it - I actually told him. And he didn't run screaming into the night -- he didn't shake his head at me -- in fact what he said was "that's cool - we can do that". Just like that! Just like I had said "I want a hot dog for dinner" .........
The other night we were talking about this fantasy -- and I admitted it was making me very horny to think about it. I said "you know I want it to happen soon right??" and he answered - matter of factly again "Yes I know".
And then picture taking got brought up.
(whispering) ok ok I brought it up -- I asked if he would take a picture. His answer -- matter of factly again -- "sure". And then he added "you can post it"
See me skid to a halt!
POST IT? my dirty little secret??!!!
I asked why he would want me to post it. Another matter of fact answer "because then I can look at it whenever I want".
I relaxed and smiled. Ok then -- a picture will be taken and posted...............
WHOA skid to a halt again!
BUT if I post it everyone will see it (everyone as in every single human being in the whole wide world!) What will they think ??!!! Oh I know what they'll think -- they'll think I'm a slut !!
LLF wants to know why it should bother me what other people think.
LLF wants to know what's wrong with posting a picture of my ass.
And I can't answer either of those questions..... cause truthfully it shouldn't bother me what other people think -- especially on a BDSM blog -- or Fetlife for that matter.
AND a picture of my ass on my blog or Fetlife is really not that big a deal ....... right?? RIGHT??!!
Once a long long time ago -- I stood at the end of a diving board looking down into the water -- terrified. Once a long long time ago I stepped off that diving board and lived to talk about it. Posting a picture is like taking that step.............only difference now is -- I have someone to hold my hand tight when I eventually take that big step........ someone who believes in me and wants only the best for me!