Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Dirty Little Secret

(and for the record -- I can hear LLF saying "why DIRTY??" )


LLF has been working very hard on my definition of things (especially sexually related things) He has been working on my "I have to be a 'good girl' statements".
He wants me to step beyond my comfort levels because it will be good for me -- cause it is another step in my growing process - another step in being the most authentic me I can be.

I have had this fantasy for a long time - a very long time.
And for a very long time I didn't even whisper it in anyone's ear.  I was ashamed of it.  Ashamed of how it made me feel (hot and horny) and Ashamed of what people would think of me.

I told LLF about it -- I didn't whisper it - I actually told him.  And he didn't run screaming into the night -- he didn't shake his head at me -- in fact what he said was "that's cool - we can do that".  Just like that!  Just like I had said "I want a hot dog for dinner" ......... 

The other night we were talking about this fantasy -- and I admitted it was making me very horny to think about it.  I said "you know I want it to happen soon right??" and he answered - matter of factly again "Yes I know".  

And then picture taking got brought up. 
(whispering) ok ok I brought it up -- I asked if he would take a picture.  His answer -- matter of factly again -- "sure".  And then he added "you can post it" 

See me skid to a halt!
POST IT?  my dirty little secret??!!!

I asked why he would want me to post it.  Another matter of fact answer "because then I can look at it whenever I want".  

I relaxed and smiled.  Ok then -- a picture will be taken and posted............... 
WHOA skid to a halt again!

BUT if I post it everyone will see it (everyone as in every single human being in the whole wide world!)  What will they think ??!!!  Oh I know what they'll think -- they'll think I'm a slut !!  

LLF wants to know why it should bother me what other people think.
LLF wants to know what's wrong with posting a picture of my ass.

And I can't answer either of those questions..... cause truthfully it shouldn't bother me what other people think -- especially on a BDSM blog -- or Fetlife for that matter.
AND a picture of my ass on my blog or Fetlife is really not that big a deal ....... right?? RIGHT??!!

Once a long long time ago -- I stood at the end of a diving board looking down into the water -- terrified.  Once a long long time ago I stepped off that diving board and lived to talk about it.  Posting a picture is like taking that step.............only difference now is -- I have someone to hold my hand tight when I eventually take that big step........ someone who believes in me and wants only the best for me!

1 comment:

Lilac said...

Happy to hear it works for you. For me, I had problems with my ex-hubs because they didn't say when I asked for things to decide like this. I felt ignored. For me, it is the need I must have or I can't stay long term with that person.

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