Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Your body can get used to anything - I know!  and it can accept anything as normal.  Like my absence of hunger -- at first I felt hungry -- I am human after all -- but I chose to ignore those feelings.... that empty ache in my gut.  Soon those feelings were integrated in with all the other feelings one has in a day.... they didn't indicate hunger anymore -- they were just another common sensation.

My body craved human touch (not just in the last year or so -- but for a very long time).  At first I would ask for a hug -- or a beating -- just so I could feel human touch.  But like with the hunger -- I learned to ignore the feelings -- to chalk them up to some generic feeling.  Not important.

The first time that LLF took my hand -- the first time LLF put his arm around me just to hold me close -- was like shock treatment.  It dragged the 'generic' feelings out of hiding and put a name to them.  Human touch -- I craved it....... and like someone starving I gobbled up every single touch...... reaching out and touching him -- gorging myself.  

The very best touch of all is when I crawl into bed beside him - naked - and feel his whole body pressed against mine -- like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together.

Touch has become as necessary to me as breathing...



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