During a recent blog hopping expedition - you know what I mean - you hit a link that leads to another link that leads to............ and suddenly you are finding stuff on the net that you have never seen/read before. Well I found this blog and I almost didn't read it.. but something in that day's entry caught my eye and went on reading... she was talking about "topping from the bottom" that HUGE sin of sins in the lifestyle.
I don't know why - but this bit hit home......... light bulb moment.
By voicing my desires and verbalizing my submission to him, I am allowing Daddy to penetrate ever deeper into my psyche in order to further dominate me and push my limits.
Now you see - as much as everything seems rather rosy around here..... on the Adventurous Journey - there have been little speed bumps. In some ways I have been in "tough old bird" mode...... gotta protect myself at all costs. And in lots of other ways I have been mixed up and confused .. and trying to clarify my thinking and the way I process things.
The rule with the Sirs is........ whatever goes into the toy bag is what I want used on me. It doesn't mean it WILL be used - but ... it's got my stamp of approval. So I figured that was it... no need for me to say anything else....
But there were things/situations that I wanted to talk about... I wanted more or less (more more than less) But I wasn't communicating those desires.. so .. come on... how were they supposed to know??!!
Interesting enough - they don't see my asking for something as topping from the bottom......... nope... they see it as my opening doors for them to step through - IF they so decide. They don't cluck and hiss and act all superior if I do ask for something.. I personally think it takes a load off their shoulders.. I am allowing them to get closer to me.. to know me better... to peak behind those massive great walls I built up around myself back in March.
Stranger even for me.. was the realization that those walls were slowly opening to them.. and I didn't see it happening.. but I was letting them in..... letting them get closer to me.. trusting them more and more.......
Like a flower slowly opening to the warmth of the morning sun.... our relationship together is opening ......... what great adventures lie ahead as I learn to be more open and verbal - and leave my fears behind??