Sunday, March 21, 2010

Introspection


i am a firm believer in cleaning out all the cobwebs before moving forward.. or even AS i move forward.

i have been asked more than a few times (either in comments or emails - i honestly can't remember) if there was nothing that could be done to patch up the relationship with W. And even when i politely pointed out that all his "stuff" was out of the house - the answer was "it can all be moved back in".

Last night a couple of friends whom i respect deeply (and am so proud to be able to call them "friend") asked me a tough question. They explained that the relationship (mine specifically) was like a V. When we were together it was the point of the V ...... very close......... and they felt i was slowly moving up the V but i hadn't moved all that far....... and they asked...... "did i want to go back down the V to the point again" (ok that was very wordy and a bit convoluted - but i hope you get the gist of the conversation)

i didn't give them a knee jerk answer...... i thought seriously about the question they had posed. Actually i kinda poked at the wound and poked again to see if what i was pretty sure i was feeling..... i actually WAS feeling. And i answered firmly "NO i do not wish to go back"

See besides that question - we talked about a whole lot of other things.... things that touched home.. things that tugged at my heart .. and made me "see" what i had been feeling more clearly. i have been stuck in a time warp of sorts. In fact i believe i have been stuck in that time warp for awhile now. i kept thinking "it was SO good at the beginning - we can get back there again". But in looking back i am questioning if what we had was really a good "fit". It most certainly filled a need i had at the time. BUT did it "fit". Slowly i am starting to realize NO it probably wasn't such a good fit...... well not as good a fit as i thought.

So with that being said, i hope i have cleared any doubt anyone had....... anyone.... that i would turn around.. slide back down the V and have all W's things moved back in.

swan said in a comment on one of these recent blog entries, that for now i am dealing with the hurt and the bad stuff, but she hoped that i would be able to come around to see the good that came out of 9 years with W.

i am sure she is right. But for now i have to clear out the bad cobwebs .. before i can really look at the positives .........

1 comment:

Florida Dom said...

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and decided that it's time for you to move forward. So just wanted to wish you good luck in your journey and much happiness in the future.

FD