Yesterday was a "terrible horrible no good very bad day" (ever read the book??)Actually it all started late Friday night when i was up wandering the house wishing i could sleep and came to check my emails....... and there it was.. the nasty horrible hurtful email full of lies and innuendos. (and before anyone jumps to conclusions - no it was NOT from W - though it concerned him)
i have never been able to accept lies - any lie. i have a burning need to make sure it is seen for what it is ...... a lie. i don't trust people who lie. i don't believe people who lie. and i have no respect for people who lie.
And i was angry as the lies in this email were blatantly obvious. So easy to prove ... so easy to see..... it made me angry!!!
if you are going to toy with me at least make it a challenge!!
So when i did finally wake up yesterday - i found i was edgy and angry and sad and spiteful.
i spent the day going between crying jags and angry temper tantrums. (these are the times i am very glad i live alone - i was so not a pretty sight yesterday - nor was i pleasant company)
i doubted every minute of the 9 years .......i questioned every little thing.. every little inconsistency.
It was indeed a "terrible horrible no good very bad day".............
Fortuntely today looks a little brighter.....i will close the door on liars and people who spew forth hate and try to damage my inner peace........... at least i will TRY!
i will get through this !!!
Ug, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. It's like this burning sense of justice that explodes in your heart every time you pinpoint something dishonest.
ReplyDeleteI mean, let's put it all out on the table, right? Don't manipulate me and others around me with lies that muddle the real issue, so that on top of what's really the matter, I know also have to deal with your immaturity.
It's infuriating. I've recently had a flare of those feelings and encounters. It's especially difficult because it takes over all my attention, totally distracts me from serving my Master, distracts me from feeling like a slave.
I think it's because all I want to do at that point is make that person responsible for their crap, hold them accountable for their actions. They know they're wrong, they should know I know it too. I never want to leave someone satisfied with a lie. Or anything else for that matter.
I don't understand meanness, or hostility, or manipulation. It doesn't register to me that someone would do that unprovoked.
Anyways, I got a little bit on a rant here, but my bottom line is- You are not alone! I get how you feel! Stop by my journal some time and I'll add you to my links.
Keep faith,
~ saphi{X}
http://tigress-saphi.webs.com/
It must be the season. The mean spirited, nasty, small-hearted folks seem to be on the loose; spewing their venom everywhere. You are right, there is no way to win a direct confrontation with them -- they don't play by civilized rules. The only strategy that seems to work is to simply not allow them to exist. If you refuse to react long enough, your nasty one will likely get tired of playing and go torment someone else.
ReplyDeletetlsafir .. i would indeed like to visit your blog but unfortunately clicking on your nick only gets me to a page that says it is private??
ReplyDeleteGood to hear you say you're going to get through this.
ReplyDeleteI know it's difficult but try to ignore those hateful emails so small-minded people don't get to you.
And know that cyber friends care about you.
FD
I have read the book to my kids a bunch when they were younger- especially my oldest as she finds trouble and therefore bad days easily. I cannot stand lying- literally cannot stomach it at all. Remember that this is only temporary; it too shal pass! :)
ReplyDelete