Success!

I know you have all been waiting with bated breath for my report on Saturday's party (ok ok one of you!!)  But come on......... don't you all want to talk about the Super Bowl?? huh?? huh?? dontcha??


Ok enough teasing.............

Remember how I was fussing over what to wear?? I went to W's with 2 outfits in mind... one was my leather corset with black stay up stockings.. OR...... I suggested to W that he might use his new bronze rope and silver rope and make a body harness for me to wear .. with black latex stockings and black latex garter belt.


For those of you who have no idea what a body harness is - here is a picture

W agreed that a rope body harness would be do-able ... but unlike the picture he did a modified body harness - attaching the bronze rope to the O collar and weaving it around my breasts - bringing it down between my legs and back up the back .. around and tying it off at the breast.   I had a black lacy cover up thingy that I wore over the top... if I had a body like in the picture above I would have gone without... but believe it or not I am shy and the body is nothing like above.

When we got to the party - there were already a goodly number of cars.  There had been 195 rsvps ... I felt anxious.  


W decided we would play early - well before the masses doubled or tripled.  We used the ladder-like frame.......... and got started.  I was having a wardrobe malfunction..... my brand new garter belt (gift from eldest daughter) was just a tad too big and for some reason, picked the exact moment W started paddling my ass, to start sliding down.  I started fussing........ (truthfully I was just a bundle of nerves)


While I was wiggling and tugging W invited another Dom friend to come and join him.  What a strange experience/sensation!!  W was paddling and the other Dom was hand spanking.  It was quite a mind fuck..... (for lack of a better term).  Then they switched to leather straps and got a decent rhythm going ........... it felt great.  


It was a long warm up........ and I had plenty of time to gaze through the rungs of the ladder-like frame at play going on on the other side.  It wasn't really registering.. I saw red rope and what I thought was bondage... and I was just sort of floating along with the leather strapping and letting the red ropes focus my brain.

There was a pause in the action on my ass... and my brain kicked into action.......... 

The red rope bondage was MUCH more than nice pretty ropes and knots.  The Domme was inserting an anal hook!!! 

and no I do NOT think it is "hot" (in public) but it was the best picture to illustrate.

Honestly I wanted to run....... I felt like a peeping Tom... Once the action picked up on our end (well actually MY end) I shut my eyes so I didn't have to watch the complete insertion.


It was all very nice - but not all that challenging..... so at one point W leaned in to check on me and I asked if we could step up the pain level just a notch or two.  W pulled out the whips and the other Dom stepped back and let W notch it up three or four :)


i turned my head and focused on some pretty lights sparkling ......... and was thoroughly and totally enjoying the pain.  The Gorean whip came out... god I love that whip!!  and the next thing I knew W was talking to me .. asking me "who loves me??" and I knew the answer but couldn't form the words......... 


We moved to a sofa and snuggled together .... I wish I had the words to describe the after feelings........ people seemed to drift in and out of my consciousness... the music was surging ... the lights were twinkling... 


And then that Domme of the red ropes had the guy bent over the spanking bench right in front of me....... and she was pulling the anal hook out....... Then ..blink blink.. she had another sub over the bench and she was unlocking some tiny wee little lock.  I was fascinated watching her fingers playing with the key and the lock.... then the sub was wincing and crying out ... W leaned in and was telling me it was a lock butt plug.  Apparently it is small when inserted.. then the base is turned and turned and the plug opens up wider and wider.. then it is locked into place.  Obviously when it is to be removed .. it is unlocked and twisted until it is small enough to pop out........ 


Honestly all of this - information and visual aides - were like some nasty bad dream ........ I kept thinking 'I don't get the need to do this in public'.


Then W and I were up walking around meeting and greeting......... and the evening passed pleasantly.  


After 2 miserable parties with rude spectators and interruptions... we had a successful play session ..... and all is right with the world again.  

Tomorrow though I think I will do a little re-visit to the party and describe some of the folks that were there (and there were a LOT) .......

Thought provoking question.....

A question...how would you differentiate between the 'newbies/wannabes' and serious practitioners, other than having no manners and/or behaving badly? I've looked at the Fetlife people in my area and wonder how some, so young... early 20's, can profess to be experienced Dom/Dommes? From what out on these blogs, it seems beginning BDSMers should have mentors or teachers to guide them as they gain experience. Hope I'm not stepping on toes... just curious.  

I thought the question above was valid and thought provoking......after all... if one is going to identify the problems and bitch about them - one should offer some plausible solutions as well.  I am firm believer in the old adage if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.

We have all been a newbie (maybe not a wannabe - which I tend to identify completely different) And as a newbie we are anxious to experience everything and anything immediately.  

Do newbies need mentors/teachers?? It would be nice yes........ BUT  the truth of the matter is how does one find a skilled practitioner to teach and mentor.  'cause ya know anyone ..... ANYONE ....... can say come be with me I will mentor you and they might be a total nutcase - a danger to everything Safe Sane and Consentual.  How can one know? Most of us do not hang out our "shingles"  for one and all to see.  In my experience some of the most experienced - most knowledgeable people are the quiet ones who slip in and out of public view like a ghost.

So what is a newbie to do??? 

Read......... read........... read.  

There are stacks of good books out there on all aspects of BDSM: 

*Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns

* SM 101 - A Realistic Introduction

* Jay Wiseman - Erotic Bondage Handbook

* Different Loving

* The Loving Dominant

* Flogging by Joseph W Bean

and my favourite cause I knew nothing at all about dominating a male.. 

* The Family Jewels

And then......... go to munches - vanilla gatherings meet people face to face..... use your instincts... befriend people who appear sane and appear to know what they are talking about... get to know what parties are around - go to a party to watch.... watch I said - NOT play.  Watch the different styles - watch the interaction between spanker and spankee - is it a good show to watch - or do you feel as though you are a peeping tom - watching something very intimate .. something very much about the two participants..... 

if you watch from a safe distance - you will be most welcome to watch - remember if they didn't want an audience - they wouldn't be playing in public.  BUT from a distance for god's sakes!!!

but also watch for little things like after care - what happens when the spankee is cut down - is he/she pretty much left to their own devices?? or does the spanker coddle them - sit with them - stroke them make sure they are ok..

Also it is my experience that the true BDSM aficionados do not gather newbies around them like some cult leader.  The real Dominants / submissives tend not to blow their own horn.  BUT they are very willing to answer intelligent questions after the fact.  They are very willing to show you their toys - to explain what each does - and how to use it.  They might even offer to share their email / contact information with you..... before they float out of sight into a puff of smoke.  

Now .......... IF I had money to throw away ............ I would open a semi private play room / dungeon if you prefer ........... and I would limit admittance.  I have given some very serious thought to how one would do that - pick the real players from the stand and models............. and then I realized I did just that for W's surprise party in January.  I went through a list of folks we know.. and invited the ones that I know play .........

So If I opened this fantasy club - I would invite the same people.  I would also insist that a newbie be "vetted" by someone I knew.  That a newbie be willing and anxious to participate in the learning process.  That the newbie be given the "rules" of the dungeon and if they did not toe the mark so to speak - they would be asked to leave immediately and would not be allowed to return.  

I would want to create a safe play environment for those that do want to play ..... I would have very separate areas for play and socializing - clearly marked.  Everyone would be given a concise list of "house rules" and they would be expected to abide by them.  If they didn't they wouldn't be invited back.  

I would have times set aside for pictures - usually before the start of the evening.  Because truthfully everyone at one time or another wants some photos taken - to post on a website - or for their own personal collection.  Cameras would then be stored away safely ........ and only released when the participant was going home.  

AND while I am going on about my fantasy club ....... I would have slaves/submissives who wish to participate but are new with no ties - come and serve........ dress to impress and serve under the "House protection" ........ They would offer feet massages - back massages - fetching drinks and filling glasses.  If they wanted to play - to try something new - the "House" would pair them up with someone so they could experience something.  

It would be a safe haven - that hopefully would promote friendship, respect, trust, and all that is good about this lifestyle.  Hell we might even have monthly "munches" pot luck dinners where folks could meet and discuss different topics - educating each other as well as the newbies in a non-threatening atmosphere.

Yeah ..... If I had money to throw away ...... I would have some fun !!!

This that and the other thing.......

Honestly I don't think I have ever been so glad to see a Friday.  It has been a long busy tiring week.............. 

Remember the course I was taking on Wednesday??? It was FANTASTIC!!  but long....... oh my god it was long.  We started at 8:30 sharp (after everyone fought their way there through yet another bout of freezing rain) ........ and worked right straight through till 3:00.  No breaks.  Lunch was eaten while we worked...... but wow...... I loved it !!  I am so energized and ready to bring the new games to my kiddies.  Learning games...... not academic learning...... but life learning.  So many kiddies (in my opinion) have no idea what exclusion looks like or feels like... or bullying.... or any of the other traits we see and want to banish.  These games we learned create an environment where the kids can honestly and truly put feelings to the circumstances that happen naturally.  I honestly can't wait to start the program.......... I think (have my fingers crossed) that once the kiddies feel / see / really experience these negative behaviours we are going to be on the road to fixing them !!  (yeah yeah call me a dreamer... tell me I am wearing rose coloured glasses - but honestly I will keep fighting this fight till they carry me out feet first)

Monday I have the first of 3 workshops at my school - for my staff.  Basic training sort of thing.......... most of these women have NO idea how to handle negative behaviours in children...... or their peers for that matter.  So my principal and I found a team of animators to come in and start teaching them some basic skills.  My job was to organise it... get all the materials needed ready and set to go.......... and to do the catering.  (it's why they pay me the big bucks - cough cough) So this morning I got the materials ready including projector and screen (which I finally found in the back of a dusty cob webby cupboard) .......... found pens and paper....... and then ran to Tim Hortons to order 40 cups of coffee - 24 muffins - and 40 donut holes to help keep everyone fueled and awake.  I pick the lot up at 8 am on Monday. 

On the home front.......... eldest daughter has taken a HUGE step.  After being laid off (gotta love this recession) a year ago...... and working in a sex shop (she did extremely well selling the BDSM gear ......... LOL....... I would venture a guess she more than doubled their sales of the "good" stuff) then working for various companies on contract............. this week she has taken the steps to set up her own consulting firm.  I have fingers toes and eyes crossed that she can make this work..........instead of "Freedom 55" I am hoping she establishes "Freedom 36" and can become her own boss.


Youngest daughter is going through a battery of allergy tests.  She had a scary incident at work a couple of weeks ago.  Someone gave her a mandarin orange and within less than 5 minutes they were calling 911........ turns out she is now highly allergic to oranges .......... probably all citrus ... but the allergy tests will tell the full story.  The first part of the test was this week.......... and she found out she is allergic to cockroaches.  Joy oh joy!! You'd think they would have tested foods first.......... seeing as cockroaches aren't exactly an every day occurrence in her life. 

Tomorrow is Saturday and the infamous play party.  I am still working through in my head what to wear.  I have been feeling very fat just recently and am worried none of my corsets will still fit.  (le sigh) Though to be honest all my clothes still fit so why the corsets wouldn't is really beyond explanation.  Of course W has a slew of brand new pretty coloured rope........... maybe a body harness might work as my fetwear for Saturday???? ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh... but then I would definitely need to bring some clothing of some sort or another cause I will eventually "hit the wall" in a rope harness.......... and naked doesn't work for me........... not on any level...........

Now you are all up to date on this ......... that........ and the other thing.

THE What...........

of yesterday's post "Insanity or What?"


I posted a comment on Saturday's event over on FL ..... all innocent like - asking if I had correctly understood the french announcement of a journalist.  (yeah yeah I can do 'innocent' very well)

I was interested to see I had a few replies to my comment.  But the one that held the most sway for me was from the organizer of Saturday's party.  In his best English he explained that this "journalist" coming to the party - was not a journalist in the true sense of the word - didn't write for a newspaper or a magazine - maybe freelance?? or maybe just an aspiring journalist - or (like happens so often in this shadow world) a wanna-be.  Maitre explained to me that in his opinion the person who had announced from the roof tops that a journalist would be there on Saturday - was simply wanting attention on himself.   Maitre also explained that he had set down rules/guidelines and they would be followed.  (IF you knew Maitre you would know that he is a man of his word)

I did some thinking yesterday.  We often go to events - some we know have policeman attending... politicians attending.... after all BDSM touches all walks of life.  Hell a couple of summers ago at Maitre's party we even had 2 policemen come in - in full uniform - to check out the party.  Maitre showed them around - and then they left.  The cops didn't even raise an eyebrow.

Maitre's parties have grown in leaps and bounds since he first started hosting them.  Now there can be well over 200 people at one of his events ....... 200 !!!  and I realized how easily it would be to "get lost in the crowd".

So W and I are going.  I am hoping we can go early - play early - and then just get lost in the huge crush of bodies.  

There is still a huge part of me that thinks we (being BDSMers) are insanely opening ourselves up to all sorts of creeps and problems........... but ...... shrug....... I also feel I can keep my "head while all around me others are losing theirs".

I miss the old days (now I do sound old - like a "Mother" or "Grandmother" bemoaning the loss of the old days I know!!)  But the truth of the matter is......... in the old days we hardliners scared the newbies - scared the wannabes .. and they stayed away from our parties.  Now they love to come and strut their stuff - wave around a fancy $300 flogger that has never seen the whiteness of an ass (not seriously) - and strut their stuff around the clubs and even private parties.  They have no manners (BDSM style or vanilla style) at all.  They act like badly behaved children at a grownup party.  

BUT the truth of the matter is........... back in the good old days (cough cough) the party organisers lost money.  Now with all these wannabes strutting around, clubs / private parties are making money and are able to keep their doors open.  And the BDSM suppliers are making money too.  Ain't no way in hell anyone of those folks are gonna say "NO" to these newbies/wannabes.

It would be nice to have loads of money and be able to open a club ONLY for the serious practitioners of BDSM but no one has that kind of money .......... the throw away kind.  So it is fit in / adapt / or stay home.


So I guess I will embrace the insanity ..... feel it up.... french kiss it - but I do think I will draw the line at buying it a drink.

Insane or what?

Many folks - especially vanillas - think we in the BDSM world are insane.  Literally.

But now even I am wondering what the hell is up with the BDSM community and some folks involved in it.

Oh we have all the in-fighting you might expect from a small closed community - who's best .. who knows more ... who the experts are ... who's done what ..who hasn't done what.... in-fighting ad nauseaum.

We have people bringing cameras and video cameras to events..... that's enough to send me running screaming ......... Some of us don't have the luxury of being "outed"  ...some of us run the risk of losing everything.......... job....... family.......kids. 


BUT I do believe we have reached a new level of insanity.  


This Saturday evening, the 4th of February - yes yes the very same Saturday I have had my eye on for 2 whole weeks -  we will have a journalist amongst us at the play party.


A journalist.


Wrap your head around that one!


OH this journalist has been told they cannot bring a camera - they can't bring a pocket recorder - just a pen and paper.  


And if you believe that one....... I have land I can sell you.............. 


A journalist at a closed private BDSM party and they won't bring a camera???!!!  Really???? oh goodie - then there's absolutely nothing to fuss over.. they promised no camera.

Honestly I believe we are doing more than embracing insanity - we are definitely feeling it up.... french kissing it and buying it a drink.

Journalists........ at a play party ............. mutter mutter mutter.