I had posted a rather lengthy whiny post this morning ........... and when I was at the gym... when I was at the drugstore .. when I was working.. I kept thinking it really was TMI... me and my sexual hang ups... le sigh...
Suffice it to say my inner voices have killed what little sensuality I had........ and trust me when I say I didn't have very much. The inner voices kept repeating (like a mantra) good girls don't............ OR ... she's not very good at oral but what can you expect ... stuff like that....
And I posted here cause it's always been my place to just let the voices out.............. but somehow today's post just didn't cut it for me.... I just kinda thought it was too personal to put out there...........
So.........
The Inner Voices will continue to jabber .. jabber and hopefully one day I will learn to turn them off ............
You didn't fail.......i'll repeat that in case you didn't hear me...YOU DID NOT FAIL!!! Things change, relationships evolve and shift, PEOPLE change...if they didn't, nobody would ever leave their first relationship, divorces wouldn't happen, and nobody would ever have a heartbreak. It's hard to bounce back, especially after you've put so much of yourself into something that falls apart, but you can and you will. As for being unattractive...bah, come talk to Bossman some time if you want an honest opinion on that one :P I'm a firm believer that age and experience will always win out over youth and enthusiasm..you have something all these 20 yr olds with the perfect bodies don't have...life experience, finesse, the ability to read a partner. How could you not... you've spent your entire adult life learning what it takes to please men, not just vanilla ones either....don't undervalue yourself. You've got so much to offer the right man, or the right Top at this stage of your life. Think about it...you come completely trained...no muss no fuss. That alone is enough to sell you LOL. You're past the point where you have to worry about silly things and you can put all your energy into someone who truly appreciates it, you're empathetic, you're a hell of a lot of fun, and you love with everything you have...so you tell that inner voice that...you hear me.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs, and lots of love
daddysvera
You didn't fail. Psh. Let that go.
ReplyDeleteRegarding pleasing a man-- here's my thought on it. I can please Master. I would probably not be very pleasing to some other guy. I can please him because he's showed me how, showed me what he likes. Pleasing isn't an across the board talent- I mean, the basics don't change much, but every man (or woman) wants and likes it differently. If someone you are with isn't pleased, it's because they lacked the balls to communicate what they needed from you. It's not on you to be a mind reader.
My confidence comes in being willing to learn, from not taking direction as an insult or a criticism (srsly. you'd be surprised how many people find "No, not like that, do it like this" as a personal failure to hear. Weird!) I'm delighted to TRY. I'm eager to TRY. That's the confidence. And if someone isn't confident enough to communicate, then they get my best effort, which is probably less than wonderful because I don't know what they want if they won't tell me. But if they tell me? Fuckyeah, they're gonna enjoy the shit out of me. Heh.
I'd seen your initial post and came back when I was able to respond. And now it's different. Sorta.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I can say it much better than Kaya has, especially the part about if someone doesn't express to you how they like stuff. Like her, my confidence comes in the form of tell me what you like, and we'll explore that together. No experience is ever like the next one and the thing that makes it different is that it's between two people new to each other, not the voices in your head or the memories of when something didn't go so well with somebody else.
I'd tell you to relax but I know better.
Love ya'
mini me
too personal? perhaps - but you should never feel that you can't jibberjabber here. This is your space after all - if you can't do that here, where can you do it?
ReplyDeletere: the "not very good at oral"... lets lay this one to bed right here, shall we?
ReplyDeleteI've given head to probably well over 1,000 guys in my time - I lost count a long time ago, so that's a guestimate. I went through a period where I was being extremely promiscuous, going to sex clubs, having sex with men and women I didn't know, in some cases, with men whose faces I didn't see. Regardless of what you think of that, I do want you to listen and learn from my experience.
What's important is that every single one liked oral sex differently.
Some liked suction to rival a vaccum cleaner. Others wanted no suction, just a really sloppy wet warmth. Others wanted it almost dry, all the wetness inside my mouth, while other men wanted it dripping off my chin, all over my face. Some wanted the head sucked, or nibbled on. Some didn't even want the foreskin pulled back. One or two came within seconds of my mouth going on them. Others never came from oral sex. Some guys, as soon as you'd come, would jerk their cocks from your mouth, because they were over sensitive at that point to the point of pain. Other guys liked to 'soak' it. One memorable guy wanted me to keep sucking, which I did... back to erection, and he came again, and again! Some guys like their balls fondled gently, stroked, sucked, or even squeezed, nails raked over, nuzzled. Some guys weren't interested in oral at all - or at least, not in *my* mouth - they were more interested in going down on me. Or having sex with me. or even sticking their cocks in someone else while they did something with me.
The point is, every single man is different. To a certain extent, you can pay attention to body language, work out what they like, particularly if you're with them longer than a couple of minutes. (!) But Kaya is absolutely right - if someone doesn't tell you what they like, then the problem is theirs. Even if its just a gentle hand movement to the back of the head, controlling how you move while giving head, or taking your hand and encouraging you to do something the way that they like it, while their fingers are curled around yours. It doesn't need to be verbal, and overmuch.
Morningstar, I don't belive you're not good at oral, period. Maybe you're not good at oral for the few men you tried it with in the past, but the fault may not be his. Was he clear about what he wanted? Were you keen to learn and to please? If not, then even the best cocksucker in the world will struggle to please beyond a certain point.
But with the right man? Morningstar ... you will rock his world!! :)
*huggggggsss*