It's Official ....... I am the Halloween Grinch

All the kids in the city loved Halloween a LOT
But the Grinch in the city did NOT!
The Grinch hated Halloween The whole Halloween season
The decorations.... the costumes.... the pumpkins......
OH those smelly slimy pumpkins 
The Grinch hated them most

AND the noise -- oh the noise -- doorbells ringing..... dogs barking... 
kids yelling Trick or Treat Smell my feet
The noise noise noise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
But unlike the Grinch in this story -- my heart never was too small... I may not enjoy the holiday BUT I do put everything into it.........
I did for my girls and all the kiddies who passed through my class room........ 
AND now again with the lil one....  

As with every holiday - celebration - there are challenges 
The biggest... worst one is finding a costume that will fit over a snowsuit 
This year Sir Steve and I really lucked out -- we stumbled across a unicorn costume quite by accident.... a UNICORN!!  has to be the lil one's most favourite character EVER!
The sheer joy on her face when we gave it to her was worth every bit of  angst I go through over Halloween

Now we're all ready........ I just need to find a HUGE umbrella - it's raining!

 Wishing you all a "Haunting Halloween"

 

Service Subbie

I like to think all my cooking and cleaning and scrubbing and child care are acts of submission........ I don't do them naked ..... I don't do them in chains..... I don't do them in fancy maid's outfits.  I do them in jeans and tshirts.

I don't do them out of a sense of loyalty or my position or because I was 'ordered'.  I do them out of love........ love for my Sir yes --- but just as much out of my love of a clean tidy house - of feeling a sense of accomplishment... a sense of pride.

The only thing.......... 

I can do all this and more but it would be easier ...... nicer...... more rewarding .... if once in awhile there were spankings or knives ....... something to fill the masochistic emptiness ya know?

The Drought is Over.........

It was a busy busy weekend......... my girls and their hubbies came down on Saturday and we all went out for a delightful birthday dinner and then back here for cake and presents and laughter.  We do always seem to have a good time when we are all together!

Sir Steve and I are avid football fans - CFL - and the season is winding down..... soooo we tend to spend most of our weekends watching the games.  I could almost see the weekend slipping away ........ so I kinda took the bull by the horns (so to speak) and suggested we have a Sunday afternoon 'nap'.   Truthfully I was starting to feel punky again!!  scratchy throat and achy and in my head I was doing this pity party about catching yet another cold!!  and feeling punky usually means I have no desire for sexy times........so I kinda pushed through the crappy feeling and Sir Steve and I had some afternoon delights!!

It had been soooooo long (like over 4 weeks) ..... that my body wasn't responding the way it usually does.... it was kinda going 'really??? you want to do WHAT??!! I'm not interested'..... but Sir Steve knew exactly how to change that mantra to ....... 'gimme gimme gimme....... more more more!'

By Sunday evening my body felt well used and abused and I was purring like a contented pussy ............ 


AND
I have an 'IOU' for birthday spanks.

Life is good when the drought is over........... 

Sunday Sentiments

My Day

Yesterday was my birthday.

MY day.

I took the day to be very introspective.  I often do.  It is a day for reflection -- to look back and to look forward.  To see plans made and lost -- to make plans.  

MY day.

In the middle of this introspection my brother popped up on my FB wall posting pics of me from wayyyyyyyy back when........   they were shocking and I hated them.  Mostly I always hate pictures of myself.

But there was one........ the first one he posted....... I think it was taken 60 years ago.... 
it made me smile ...... I could almost see my father taking my picture ... I could almost hear him telling me how to stand how to smile how to pose........ almost 

I don't EVER post pictures of ME on here....... but this one is so far from what I look like today I have no fear of anyone going "ohhhhhhhhh my god!!  that's "S"! "  

 It made me think about life then........ remembering the dreams I had....... childhood dreams..... and yet so many of them came true -- not everyone can say that can they ? that their childhood dreams came true...... I wanted to be a teacher - I became a teacher -- I wanted to be a Mom and have kids - I am a Mom with 2 of my own and surprise surprise one extra - the lil one -- I wanted to love and be loved and I'm lucky enough to say I have loved and been loved (and more so now then ever) I wanted to make my parents proud - and though they never actually told me I think they were proud of me in their own way.  

I'm a lucky woman......... and that is a very good thing!

I am Amazed

Over a month ago I walked away from The Journey.  I felt I had run out of words.  I felt when / if I wrote it was all boring vanilla stuff.  I felt that the boring vanilla stuff was off the mark for a BDSM blog  -- ya know?!  I felt I didn't deserve to write here. 

BUT

some people didn't give up on me...... every day folks dropped by to visit -- even though I hadn't written a word.  Every. Single. Day. over 30 people dropped by.  

AND -- to be honest

I miss writing here ....... maybe not every day -- but certainly occasionally.  I think I just have to reconcile myself to the fact that mostly my life is vanilla -- 99% vanilla.  In my heart of hearts I am still very much submissive -- I still live to serve him.  It might just not be story book BDSM - some 50 Shades of sexy - but it is my reality.

And so I will write -- it will be mostly mundane -- a whole lot of angst (cause angst makes up a huge part of my soul) and much love........ for my Sir and for his lil one.

 

Life gets in the way.....

On October 5th I hosted a birthday party for the lil one....... it was a 'baking' party.... the kids made mud pudding and decorated cupcakes...they played games and wore their chef hats and aprons...... they had a blast!  One lil guy was coughing and sniffing the entire time........... On Sunday I noticed my throat felt scratchy..... by Monday I was down for the count ......... 

So down for the count that there were 3 days I just couldn't do bus duty and Sir Steve and a neighbour took over........ I laid on the sofa and declared I was dying.

On the 10th I had my cancer screening -- I still felt like crap and felt even worse when it was over........ By the 13th I self diagnosed bronchitis.  ( I can do that cause I get it just about once every fall or winter)  Life couldn't get worse in my mind.  And I started to feel very sorry for myself............ 

Then I felt sorry for Sir Steve -- I wasn't good for much of anything and sex and fun stuff was non-existent!

So it has been almost 4 weeks since we had any form of sex in this house... hell it has been 4 weeks since we snuggled or kissed or fondled never mind sex......  

I am still coughing BUT come hell or high water I have adult fun time on the agenda for this weekend........ or I am gonna die trying!!

I HATE when life gets in the way............ 

Sunday Sentiments

Still Struggling

I had my yearly cancer scan last Thursday.  As always I was scared -- paralyzed by the fear.  I needed ..... wanted ... someone to be strong for me -- to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.

Except

Before I had someone who used to tell me it would be ok... who wouldn't believe the cancer would be back -- who would do the 'told you so!' when it wasn't back -- and who didn't have any words of comfort or wisdom when it was back.

I remembered those days.  I remembered thinking 'no matter how much someone tries to comfort me -- reassure me -- I am alone in this'.  It is ME who faces the cancer -- the tests -- the removal process.  I am facing this basically alone.  The most anyone else can do is hold my hand.  

For me -- it feels like the alone disease.  

So...........

Sir Steve took me to the test.  A 2 hour drive there and back.  I went through the test.  I even glanced at the TV monitor when the doctor said 'that's not cancer'.  My bladder was all blotchy red.  The doctor said 'it's an infection.  I'll give you antibiotics and see you in 6 months.'  

6 months?!

His default he said.... 6 months and another cancer scan.  So the red blotchy bladder might not be cancer but he's worried it might be......... otherwise he would have said 'a year'.  but he didn't.  He said 6 months.