I had my yearly cancer scan last Thursday. As always I was scared -- paralyzed by the fear. I needed ..... wanted ... someone to be strong for me -- to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.
Except
Before I had someone who used to tell me it would be ok... who wouldn't believe the cancer would be back -- who would do the 'told you so!' when it wasn't back -- and who didn't have any words of comfort or wisdom when it was back.
I remembered those days. I remembered thinking 'no matter how much someone tries to comfort me -- reassure me -- I am alone in this'. It is ME who faces the cancer -- the tests -- the removal process. I am facing this basically alone. The most anyone else can do is hold my hand.
For me -- it feels like the alone disease.
So...........
Sir Steve took me to the test. A 2 hour drive there and back. I went through the test. I even glanced at the TV monitor when the doctor said 'that's not cancer'. My bladder was all blotchy red. The doctor said 'it's an infection. I'll give you antibiotics and see you in 6 months.'
6 months?!
His default he said.... 6 months and another cancer scan. So the red blotchy bladder might not be cancer but he's worried it might be......... otherwise he would have said 'a year'. but he didn't. He said 6 months.
Morning star,
ReplyDeletefirst, glad to see the post. And yet, not glad for this post. Can't imagine ANYTHING more scary then what you are facing. But keep in mind, if your doctor was really worried, he wouldn't have said 6 months. Focus on what is known. You know you have a bladder infection. That needs treatment. You can do that. Don't borrow trouble.
Hugs and love
Boo
I know easier said than done....but look at the positive, at what he said. Do not waste these next six months worrying...he probable is just being cautious. Having written all that...and I do believe it...I will keep you in my prayers...hugs abby
ReplyDeleteHi Morningstar,
ReplyDeleteSending huge (((hugs))) and positive thoughts. I know it's hard, but I agree with Boo, focus on what you know. I too doubt the doctor would have left it 6 months if he was worried. Given the infection now, I think he is just being cautious.
Hugs
Roz
I'm going to join the party and say the same thing. We know it's an infection. the 6 months is just to be cautious. Listen to your body. If you feel fine, you're probably fine. no use worrying over something you don't know / cant control. I know that's easier said than done, but we're all here supporting you! And you have Sir Steve. Cling to him and do so often. A solid rock in the storm can help even if YOU'RE the one clinging on for dear life and no one else. You mentioned that you're the one facing it, alone, and that is true, but it's less scary when you have something solid to hold on to while you do so.
ReplyDelete