On Being an Adult......

Yesterday was tough.  I didn't cancel the doctor's appointment cause I felt really guilty about cancelling the one on Monday -- and I really wanted to touch base with him -- and because I am an ADULT ya know and am supposed to be able to do adult things ...... right?

I didn't sleep Tuesday night worrying about getting to the doctor's....worrying about the weather.  I spent the morning checking the satellite weather  trying to judge when the storm would arrive.  I read all the doomsday posts on Facebook from friends who live west of me talking about how bad it was.

I left really early for the appointment -- cause in my warped thinking -- at least I would get there in decent weather.......... 

I had to drive home in the worst freezing rain I have ever seen........ AND all I could think was 'I just want someone to take care of me -- to drive me when I am too stressed to drive .... to take all the adult responsibilities from me and handle them -- I do NOT want to be the adult anymore!!!' 

Irrational I know -- but don't you ever have times in your life where you just don't want to be an adult -- where you want someone to take care of  you - to just bury your head in the sand and not have to worry about anything anymore??!!!

On the bright side the doctor tells me all this emotional shit is a big part of the withdrawals --  I am not losing my mind -- what little of it that is left.  I am not to reduce the dosage again till March - and he's hoping the spring weather might make it a little easier.  He also suggested I be a little more gentle with myself... and when I feel upside down and inside out -- to take care of myself.......

So last night when I felt Sir Steve wasn't listening -- or didn't want to touch me -- I took a deep breath and muttered 'just f**king withdrawals' ..... when the lil one got cheeky with me and said "your welcome!!!" after she set the table for dinner -- I didn't explode ... or implode.... or burst into tears -- I took a deep breath and muttered 'just f**king withdrawals' and let her father handle it -- and he did !!!

Depending on which google search you get -- we have either 22 days till spring or 41 days till spring............ until then -- you can find me curled up in the corner of the sofa pretending no one can see me.........