Friday, February 08, 2019

Finding the lost me

I've always kinda prided myself on being submissive by nature...... and when I allow  my nature to shine through life is less stressful.... less inside out/upside down.  

I think there have been some bumps in our relationship road.  Since I started this withdrawal process Sir Steve has been gentle -- has been attentive -- has held back.  He is worried about me - he doesn't want to add any pressure.......... and his 'laissez faire' attitude has created this huge amount of insecurity in me..... I feel so out of sorts -- adrift -- floundering around.  I need him ya know?!  I need my ass spanked.  I need to feel his hand around my neck.  I need to feel him hold me against the wall and kiss me hard -- his hands fondling my body.  I need to know I am HIS... 

Yesterday I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself -- as much as I can....... and get back to doing my 'chores/tasks' ....... soooooooo I started a HUGE pot of spaghetti meat sauce....... I made butterscotch squares .... I made 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies.  (and I cleaned up the kitchen after all that cooking/baking -- cause it did look a bit like a hurricane blew through).  Today I am polishing all the wood floors making them sparkle and shine.  And before Sir Steve comes home from work -- I wanna be showered and sparkling and shining myself.

Maybe if he sees the old me peeking out..... maybe he will realize I won't break -- I may bend..... but damn I need to bend.......I need to be anchored and grounded and feeling needed........... 

I need to be my submissive self


  1. hi, i haven't been around for a while... but i'm glad i came back in time to read this post. lovely sentiments.

  2. Let him know what you need from him, Morningstar ... I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige ... and then enjoy a lovely subbie weekend with your man :>)) ... nj ... xx

  3. Hi Morningstar,

    Good on you getting back to your routines. Sir Steve being gentle is understandable at the moment. I agree, let him know what you need, and that you need to bend and that doing so will help you through the withdrawals.



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