Finding the lost me

I've always kinda prided myself on being submissive by nature...... and when I allow  my nature to shine through life is less stressful.... less inside out/upside down.  

I think there have been some bumps in our relationship road.  Since I started this withdrawal process Sir Steve has been gentle -- has been attentive -- has held back.  He is worried about me - he doesn't want to add any pressure.......... and his 'laissez faire' attitude has created this huge amount of insecurity in me..... I feel so out of sorts -- adrift -- floundering around.  I need him ya know?!  I need my ass spanked.  I need to feel his hand around my neck.  I need to feel him hold me against the wall and kiss me hard -- his hands fondling my body.  I need to know I am HIS... 

Yesterday I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself -- as much as I can....... and get back to doing my 'chores/tasks' ....... soooooooo I started a HUGE pot of spaghetti meat sauce....... I made butterscotch squares .... I made 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies.  (and I cleaned up the kitchen after all that cooking/baking -- cause it did look a bit like a hurricane blew through).  Today I am polishing all the wood floors making them sparkle and shine.  And before Sir Steve comes home from work -- I wanna be showered and sparkling and shining myself.

Maybe if he sees the old me peeking out..... maybe he will realize I won't break -- I may bend..... but damn I need to bend.......I need to be anchored and grounded and feeling needed........... 

I need to be my submissive self