No More

living in HER shadow!

Let me explain

Since I moved in with Sir Steve I have been surrounded by 'her' stuff.  Yeah she moved out but she didn't take HER stuff.  The kitchen was full of her stuff -- her disorganized organization.  Back in the early spring I managed to claim 3 cupboards and get them organized in a way that made sense to me and made cooking/working in the kitchen easier (in my humble opinion)

But everywhere I looked there she was -- clothes in the cupboard - shoes around the house - books in the bookshelves - furniture scattered around that is hers and god forbid anyone marks it or messes with it.  I have done some sorting and packing - like her clothes and shoved the boxes into the basement.  And it was good enough in the spring.

BUT now that summer is over and we are back in the city for good - now that we have come to the mutual agreement that I will actually live here in Sir Steve's house - not down the street in my lil apartment -- my stress levels have been on the rise.

Monday night I told Sir Steve point blank -- ' I am basically living out of my suitcase.  There is no room for my stuff.  She is all over the house.... and I can't / won't live like this! It's like there is no room for me in your house!"

Sir Steve immediately said we would find room for my clothes NOW.  Silly man !  He is working in Ottawa all week -- he will not have time to help me clean out cupboard space.

Yesterday when I looked around this house -- it's like the clock stopped a year and half ago when the proverbial shit hit the fan.  Not only is she still here -- well her shadow - but the lil one is still 3 years old...... I put my foot down -- it's enough!

I worked hard yesterday - packed up all the baby dishes -- all the plastic dishes -- all the plastic utensils for the 'baby'.  When the lil one came home I showed her the cupboards tidied up.  I explained she was turning 5 and didn't need baby dishes anymore.  She agreed.  so one major hurdle was crossed.

Today it is time to tackle all the other cupboards in the kitchen that hold her 'stuff'.  I am gonna pack it all in boxes (I would like to throw it all out -- but it's not my place) and put the boxes in the basement.  Then reorganize the kitchen......... and scrub it -- and disinfect it... not to make it mine -- NO.  But to make it ours -- somewhere we can cook together and enjoy family meals without constant reminders of her -- OR the pain of the last 18 months.

There's a shit load of stuff to wade through and pack up (am thinking it is probably gonna take most of the winter) but I will get it done........I will give Sir Steve a home of happy memories -- of laughter and joy -- and family.  

I will do it if it takes a full on exorcism (cheeky grin)  cause I am not gonna live in her shadow anymore......... 

Now I am gonna take down the wedding picture ............. and make room for Sir Steve's sword collection!

(and in all honesty -- I am fully aware that I may very well be over stepping some boundaries here -- keep your fingers crossed that I am right -- that this family is more than ready to let go of the past and move forward )