Ummmmmmmmm

I do believe I have some form of writer's block. I get little unfocused ideas of things to say and then they just blow away - or I decide they really have no validity or worth.  

Last evening I said to W "I want my life back !!"  and I do.  Cause it feels like this thing in my belly has stolen it........ stolen the joy and excitement from my life.

And I hate whining - and I feel as though all I am doing these days is whining....... 

I made it to the first stepping stone (see Saturday's post) and I am stuck there... I felt so damn good Saturday - going shopping (and you all know how much I hate shopping) BUT then I had to stop at the druggist and pick up the pills I have to take tomorrow night for Thursday's procedure.  It was a simple task .......... pick up the pills and move on.  Only thing is ......... they wouldn't give me the pills till I talked to the head pharmacist.  She asked a whole mess of personal questions.......... and me - feeling like a deer caught in the headlights - answered them - instead of telling her to go to hell - it was none of her business.  Questions like "why did your doctor prescribe these pills?"  (my answer - because I am having a biopsy done) Question "a biopsy??? why??" (and I answered her - but she didn't need to know - did she??) Finally she handed over the two damn pills with a look - it is difficult to explain - but a look that said more than words could ever say.  AND the rock was back in my stomach and I just wanted to run home and curl up on the sofa and hide.

Wanna know something weird (or maybe stupid??) 

Yesterday I pulled out my Chinese fortune sticks and threw them.  The one that came out first said " You are going through a rough time right now.  But with patience your fortunes will improve. Your health will take some time to improve - but it will"  (something like that - I didn't memorize it) 

And so it goes......... I am stuck with writer's block ............ and a rock in my gut... and a vague promise that things WILL get better.