Monday, February 25, 2013

Lucky me

 Last week Ordalie wrote to me on one of my blogs saying:   
Dear Morningstar, I do feel you're lucky to have Warren!
Who ever asked about what I hoped for? Who ever wanted to know what I wished as a sub (cause he knew nothing about that and didn't want to know), how I felt when I had major psychological or health problems?
When reading what Warren did for you brings home what my own husband never did for me, so I'm awfully glad you have him! 

 I answered her in the comment section - but decided it needed to be said out here for everyone to see/read

I am very glad I have W in my life - and realize how lucky I am to have him in my life.  When I look back on the other male influences in my life - he is definitely the best of the lot !!!

My ex husband was not exactly what you would call a "rock of Gibraltar" when there were problems - minor and major - he almost always took to his bed with a "headache".  
I decided many years ago - that I would be better off on my own - taking care of me - instead of counting on anyone to be there for me.  It saved on heart ache.  

And then when W came into my life - I was so independent - such a "tough old bird" that I couldn't (or wouldn't) ask him for help or support.  I didn't want to ask and then find out I was still very much on my own.  It has been 15 years now - and I am better at asking W for help.  And he has never - not once - let me down.  It boggles my mind - it really does.  I sometimes think that the biggest change was that I valued who I was..... and giving myself value showed W I was something worthy of his attention and love.  (but that discussion is really for another day - valuing yourself) 

I do know that there are days that I just don't want to burden W with my fears / anxieties (and god I have more than enough of those!!) and down periods.  Last night was a really good example.  For no reason at all I was down......... lower than a snake's belly.  I spent a good part of the day tearing up.  I felt very small and insignificant in this big world.  BUT when we hooked up on Skype in the evening (as is our habit) I tried very hard to put on a cheerful face.  He just doesn't need me down all the time .... worried all the time.... it is a drain on W......... and god knows the last thing I want to be is a drain on anyone!!  And there is only so much one man can do!  But I was quiet and felt the tears tickling my eyes......... so I begged off early and went for a bath and bed.  Believing "tomorrow will be a better day" ...............

And it is - mostly - a better day - cause I have a man who loves and respects and cares for me.

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