Wednesday, January 09, 2013


In ten days I will get my biopsy results.  My stomach has been in knots since I got home from Kingston.  It's more than stomach knots - my body is cold - I run home between shifts and lock the door - like I am gonna lock the fear outside - stupid me!  My muscles are tight and tensed - my blood pressure is elevated - I can barely eat - I cry at the slightest thing.  oh yeah - I am living in fear.

AND I am angry - life is finally turning around for me - and now this!!!???  It makes me bloody angry............... 

I have tried all the tricks to cope with this fear - and nothing is working - nothing! 

I just have to hang on for 10 days and hope that whatever comes I will find the strength to deal with it 


  1. I feel so useless that I can't help you in your time of stress..

    All the words in the world can't/won't help you.

    Just know that you aren't alone in this.


  2. are not alone, although I do realize it very much feels like it. IF you can. write here. lose your self in a movie or good book.
    hugs abby

  3. Anonymous9:59 pm

    Hang in there morningstar. You have many friends and readers who are sending good positive thoughts your way.
    I can emphathize with your feelings. A biopsy on my mole come back as a stage 2 malignant melanoma. The 3 weeks I had to wait for surgery to remove it was simply awful. No words can describe the fear and anxiety I felt during that time. I did practice deep breathing to calm myself and then visualized the bad skin cancer cells being attacked and eaten up by good 'protector' cells. Itfelt like I was doing something proactive while waiting for surgery. I tried not to think about how bad it might be or that it might still be growing. Was afraid those negative thoughts would make things worse.

    As your Sir W said all the words in the world may not help, just know you are not alone.


  4. Just sending hugs...


  5. Anything I say sounds trite ..... but just know that there's many people here who care and worry.
    Thinking of you .....

  6. Thinking of you and sending as much strength as I can. You WILL get through these days, it's the waiting that is so difficult. In my experience we can deal with concrete things we can't deal with unknowns. I hope tomorrow is a reasonable day - it will at least be one less to wait.


  7. Hoping for the best, hang in there.


  8. Hugs and good thoughts - I hope things go well.

  9. Sending positive energy your way!


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