Saturday, March 24, 2018

Lesson Learned (I hope)







It was about a year ago -- a Friday evening -- I had arrived at Sir Steve's for the weekend and he told me a friend wanted to drop by...... she had something really important to talk to him about...... 

She came in and talked -- in that gossipy excited "I know something you don't know" way.  I listened intently.  She wanted to know after her tale what Sir Steve was gonna do... how was he gonna react.  

(side note -- this 'friend' had been friends with Sir Steve's ex-wife since they were young girls)  

When she left I was blunt (geeeeee me blunt !  go figure) and I told Sir Steve I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her.... she delighted in gossip -- and I was sure she was gonna take any gossip she picked up from him right back to the mother -- her friend.  Sir Steve assured me that she was on his side -- she had seen what the mother had done to the lil one -- she KNEW ! 

I backed off.  I told myself it was none of my business -- what did I know (really know) about these people -- about the friends that were now in Sir Steve's life 10 years after I had known him.
 (but as time went on -- and she didn't get information from me -- or finally Sir Steve -- she stopped being 'our best friend' - stopped coming by)

Fast forward to the summer up at the campgrounds to the first time I met the ex-wife's sister.  A tough dike -- a pot smoking hard drinking dike.  She couldn't wait to come over to our site -- to see if Sir Steve needed any help building his new deck - needed any help at all.  

At first my hackles were up -- WHY was his ex-sister in law showing such an interest in us -- in what we were doing -- in spending so much time with us?? BUT Sir Steve told me she was ok -- she had been his rock the summer the mother left -- she had spent night after night sitting on his campsite with him ... drinking with him.... helping him cope with the heart break.

So I backed off.

AND yes I will admit it -- after weeks of getting to know her -- I trusted her. I let my guard down and opened up to her.. though I did ask once how she could say those things about her sister and mother ..... but I trusted her.  

There were times she would take the lil one for a few hours and give Sir Steve and I some precious time alone.  She would sit by our campfire at night and smoke up and drink herself into a stupor.  

There were times that she was sexually inappropriate with me --  I shut her down... she made me feel uncomfortable. (though everyone else found my discomfort amusing)  When she wasn't doped up and/or drunk she was a really sweet person. 

AND she was so supportive of us.  She would give us information about what the mother was doing - when she was going away.  She told us she was advising them to keep us in the loop.  When the family came to remove the mother's belongings from the house (in the fall) -- she assured us she would come too -- she would get it down quickly -- she would keep her mother at bay and her sister under control.  She seemed to be the mediator we needed to deal with the family.


THEN
we went to court on Thursday.  

And we heard words twisted and lies told and we knew where they had come from.  Lies told how we couldn't wait to push the lil one off on her mother.... we didn't want her.  We couldn't handle her.

AND 
my head spun.
my stomach hurt.
my heart felt like it was torn from my chest.

IT was all my fault!  I trusted her -- I believed her.  I loved that she took the lil one from time to time and gave Sir Steve and I time alone -- I was selfish!  That selfishness had not allow me to see what was really happening............. I hadn't felt the knife being thrust into my back with each sweet smile -- with each offer of help. 

Some how this was all my fault!  I had shut down my instincts.  I had shut out the voices in my head.  I had ignored the red flags.  And this was the consequence.

Thursday after court and all day yesterday I have struggled with the betrayal.. with the lies told..... with wanting to cut out her heart and hand it back to her.  I have been angry with myself.... and I have been bleeding for Sir Steve -- for his pain -- for his having to deal with the lies that were told in court.

Things will be different this summer!  I will not trust anyone.  I will keep my thoughts to myself.  I will be a big strong walled fortress around our 'happy kingdom' ... I will keep the trolls and the gnomes out.  (even if it is a bit like closing the barn door after the cow has escaped)

I have learned my lesson -- I hope !



 

2 comments:

Roz said...

Sending lots of (((Hugs))). This is such a difficult thing you are going through. It is not your fault, don't give up on trusting completely.

Hugs
Roz

Fondles said...

oh gosh sending you hugs and strength. it must really be tough to be betrayed in this way.

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