Lilac had some more questions for me --
Yes and I would like to ask you questions. Because I have a little confusion here. They say that once a person submits, that person can't make the rules . What would you advise and suggest a young and very strong submissive (who is a complete leader in vanilla world) entering the lifestyle in looking for a Dom ?
1). Should she find a 24/7 Dom who will let her do things her way in serving ?
2). Or should she find a Dom for bedroom purpose only ?
(please everyone remember -- this is MY opinion!!)
I don't know where you are getting your information from -- BUT saying you can't make the rules is just wrong. You should have the final say on what happens or doesn't happen -- which is why a submissive should be strong -- should know what she wants -- what she likes -- what she craves.
But there are steps........ ready?
When you meet a Dominant you are interested in -- when you have had the coffee dates and the usual getting to know you dates -- then you start 'negotiating'...... and there is no time limit on negotiations!! One of you should have a check list -- find a very extensive one -- and fill it in -- and go over it with the Dominant ...... talk it out -- and talk it out again. And THINK about what you are agreeing to...
Being a submissive can mean serving - it doesn't always have to though. If it is not your 'thing' then service is off the table. BUT -- if you like taking care of someone you love -- like making meals for them -- like making sure their creature comforts are taken care of -- putting them first -- then you negotiate what that looks like for you both.
over time -- you can re-negotiate! as you learn and grow - what you said "NO" or "maybe" to can change as your comfort levels increase.
BUT having said all that ....
on a day to day basis no you cannot change the rules -- you stick to what you agree on .. what you have negotiated....... which is why I said make sure -- SURE -- you negotiate well!
when it comes to looking for a Dom -- whether your relationship is 24/7 or just in the bedroom - it starts out just like any relationship -- vanilla or BDSM. You spend time together -- you socialize together -- and you figure out (the best you can) if it is gonna work. 24/7 is pretty much like being married ya know.......... would you move in with someone -- or have someone move in with you after one date -- or one month???
AND if you find that someone special -- you still don't HAVE to do 24/7........ take it from me -- no matter how hard you try to have 24/7 real life gets in the way.... family, work, children, illnesses -- a whole multitude of stuff........ negotiate it -- negotiate everything -- and dear god -- always communicate!! Even if you are striving to be the best slave the world has ever seen - remember in the final analysis only YOU can be responsible for YOU!
(climbs down off the soap box now)