There's yet another shit storm going on over on FL. Why oh why do I read these posts??!!
Reader's Digest version
There was a play party in Houston and apparently some people decided to play consent non-consent in front of everyone.
When I read the original post against - I thought that it made perfect sense to me. It sounded like a good test of people's willingness to call in a DM -- or someone in charge.... a couple of people did approach a DM and were told (from what I understand) that it was ok not to worry. I guess they thought the DMs should have stopped it. And got a little bent out of shape when they didn't.
Apparently the whole thing -- as edgy as it was -- was sort of an advertisement for an upcoming educational event on what to do in the event of problems at a play party.
Shrug
Now of course everyone is on the bandwagon - going on and on about how awful this was -- how disturbing it was.
Now I wasn't there -- and I guess I really shouldn't get bent out of shape ....... but ya know what??? Hands and his wife and I have had a couple of conversations about how "watered down" BDSM is becoming. We seem to be sanitizing everything for fear we might upset someone's sensibilities. Hell everyone who writes anything the least bit 'edgy' on FL now are posting "trigger warnings" at the top -- because god forbid someone might have flash backs to some horrendous ordeal they have been through!
I sit shaking my head. Really??!!! IF I start to read something that makes me uncomfortable I simply close it down and move on. If I see something at a play party that upsets me I move away. What is wrong with people??!!! We are all adults for god's sakes. Why are we not taking responsibility for ourselves?? Why are people expecting everyone else to protect them?? poor lost souls.
I used to try to be involved in this new community. I used to think I had something to offer. But ya know -- not so much anymore. The way I was brought up -- the way I was trained in the lifestyle -- makes me who I am.... for better or worse. And I can't / won't change. I tried that for a bit and it didn't work. I upset folks -- I have alienated folks. That upsets the people pleaser in me. So I will cuddle up in my lil corner of the universe and be happy (very happy) with my life now. And I will let the new generation of kinksters take care of each other -- whatever that looks like.
This is one I actually did read about. I only read one post and didn't look for something that explained more. Perhaps I should have because I didn't know it was an advertisement for a class. It makes more sense that way. Plus, if the DMs told them everything was all right, people should have been clued in that it was being staged.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure if I saw something like it, I might be upset, but I'd walk away if I couldn't take it. I've read, and seen, plenty of things that have triggered past traumas. They didn't kill me. I closed them, walked away, or just suffered through it to get to a payoff I thought was worth it. Honestly, I'm proud of how far I've come and how few things disturb the old wounds.
Anyhow, I think you have a lot to give to the new generation of kinksters since I'm included in that group. I read your thoughts with great interest. Your posts have helped me think through my own wants as well what a relationship might look like. Please keep sharing with us because it's the only way we'll learn. We're not all interested in watering down what sounds like a beautiful, and poetic, lifestyle you've learned and practiced. Pass it on!
Lucinda -- ohhhhhhhh no fear -- you can always find me here (small smile) Here is my space -- and if people don't like what I have to say -- they don't need to come visit
ReplyDeleteI am nothing if not opinionated !!
i think you're mistaken to think that this is solely a BDSM/Kinksters issue. It isn't, it's a wider social issue. You only have to look at lecturers in universities which are being pressured into issuing trigger warnings for certain modules/classes which discuss things like rape in the classics; the way that certain groups are being forced to ban activities that have the potential to 'disturb' people (and I'm not talking anything so outre, really, but people coming to give talks who are controversial, such as Germaine Greer). It is part of a wider issue in society that is beginning to accept that so many people have been scarred in some way. Not only is it more acceptable to talk about that kind of background in a way that it was not 20 years ago, but society also, i think, feels somewhat guilty for historically not wanting to listen. And that is driving an overreaction in compensation to people who have these kinds of background. I'm not saying that its their fault, that we should go round blaming abuse survivors "It's your fault we have to do trigger warnings!" ... that would be ridiculous. I'm saying that its something society as a whole has to work through and begin to accept and i think for a while we have to swing too far past the balance, like a pendulum, before a happy medium is found.
ReplyDeleteSo, short story - you're gonna see more of this, we all are, and not just in the BDSM scene, before things settle down a bit.
thanks keth for a look at another side of the coin (so to speak)
ReplyDeleteYou have given me much to ponder :)
i don't know morningstar. I sometimes think we are all just becoming pussies.
ReplyDeleteno no don't say that it might hurt my feelings or make me uncomfortable. no no don't do that I don't want to see.
SMH
So what do they do when they watch shows like SVU? or Criminal Minds? Oh wait, they take PERSONAL responsibility and don't watch those type of shows. These *people* need to learn to use that little *x* up in the corner and close out topics they don't like. Or use their two god given feet and walk away from a scene they don't like.
IMO
have a good one
starla
Even though we are considered new to the fl community, we are still pretty old school and I can appreciate what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteHaving read a few of the posts about what happened, including the man involved in said scene, it wasn't just a matter of consent/non consent but the man who was at the head of the scene was trying to supposedly do some kind of social experiment involving those in attendance, without their knowledge. With most BDSM groups being pretty big on the whole consent thing, I can understand why some of the people who are reading it got a bit pissy when it came across as this guy did some social experiment on people without their consent.
ReplyDeleteI think my personal issue with the whole thing is that he actively involved at least two people in the scene without their consent along with starting the whole scene in a space that is suppose to be designated as the place to go when you don't want to watch the freaky stuff that is going on, the so called "cookie room". I'm not talking about those who were watching, I'm all about go get a cookie if you don't like something you are seeing, but about the two girls who he asked to open the water bottle and while they were holding it, he added in the fake drug. That's my issue with the whole thing. He made them a part of the active scene without their informed consent.
Just my two cents with what all is going on.
FirePhoenix
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me another point of view
I do tend to get a little bit bent out of shape (yeah I know hard to believe - grinning) I misunderstood -- I thought it was done in the play area -- and I'm with you on 'social experiments'