I am pretty sure I have talked about the voices in my head... no not THAT kind of voices -- but these voices are always reinforcing lessons learned over my life.
I have been working hard in therapy to control these voices... to sort them out ...... to let go of them. These voices are keeping me from fully living my life. I know that -- so why is it so damn hard to let go of them???!!
I don't think many people realize the power these voices have over me. I don't think I fully realized it until just recently. I think I thought I would never be able to fully get rid of them..... their whispering words: "not pretty enough -- not good enough -- not capable enough -- not strong enough -- not smart enough"..... on and on endlessly.
A little while back I repeated something my mother used to say all the time to me and my therapist looked at me and said "right now -- at this moment - I don't think I like your mother very much" That's the first time anyone has ever said they didn't like my mother -- and didn't like her lessons. I got a little bit defensive...... but my therapist planted a seed...
Over the last couple of days I have done some real deep thinking about those lessons the voices whisper. I realize how ludicrous a lot of what I am still hearing is! And I am coming to realize that they are not just gonna go away -- I have to stop listening. I need to replace them with positive re-enforcement -- I need to learn to take back my power.
I have similar voices. I find it really useful to assign them a name, and treat them like a person. That sounds like actually giving them a place in your life, the opposite of what you're trying to do until you realise what I do with them! I actively tell them ... "I'm not listening to you, Dawn" (Dawn is the name of my voices). I treat her like I treat a poisonous person in my life, you know the kind of person I mean, full of negativity, and if you're not in a position where you can get rid of them entirely then you take steps to block that negativity, right? That's fairly straightforward and easy to do once you realise what they're doing. I do the same thing to the voices. Its not always easy, sometimes I get trapped in a nasty vicious circle for a bit of negative thoughts but eventually I snap out of it and realise it's dawn. and then I tell her to b****r off!! I do do positive reinforcement as well (I told you about the self-affirmations that I write in my journal a few blogs ago, I'm sure) but telling the negative voices to go away with some choice language, the naughtier the better, makes me smile. :) Sometimes I add some great visualisation, such as holding dawn up by the scruff of the neck and dumping her in a big ol' trash heap, so she lands in a bunch of rotten tomatoes. Complete with sound imagery! It makes me smile - and that, I figure, is always a good thing! :D
ReplyDeleteahhhhhhh keth -- all my voices do have names -- they are the voices of my parents, my family, past lovers -- I know them all -- I just need to know they have no power over me anymore -- I need to take back my power -- and trust me when I say I am working very hard to do just that !
ReplyDelete:) Fair enough. Everyone works through these issues their own way, sometimes what works for someone else can be taken and adapted by you, but obviously not in this case. I really hope you're able to take back your power. I love reading your continued journey, growing so positively!
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