Wednesday, February 26, 2014
I was walking up the stairs wiggling my ass at W and out of my mouth came the shocking words "Fuck off".
W called me back downstairs
W had me drop my drawers and bend over the sofa
W took the rattan rug beater down off the wall
W beat my ass.
I cried ............. hard.
When it was over we hugged like always - but inside I was a pounding mess of emotions.
Let me give you some of the back story from where I sit................
I have been living here for 7 months now. It has become quite clear that the fantasy life I had built up in my head is just that "a fantasy". W and I have fallen into a very comfortable living style. I am not his equal by any standards - but not submissive either - more like a roommate/housekeeper. There is very little if any M/s when we are living here just the two of us.
BUT when we go to munches or play parties or when someone from the community drops in then the M/s comes out full force. I am this good lil subbie - fetching and carrying - tote that barge lift that bale sort of thing. BUT the rest of the time..... I am just me - he is just W.
I tried very very hard to maintain the whole subbie mind set - by myself - but honestly - truthfully - it hasn't been working too well - which is why I said I am more roommate/housekeeper than submissive. It all feels a little confusing. I feel a little out of sorts - not very centered - always just on the edge of a complete melt down.
So on the weekend when I was going up the stairs - I reacted much the way I would react to a roommate........ "fuck off" . It honestly wasn't said in anger - it was a bratty - ass wiggle - kind of comment. I never EVER expected W's reaction to be what it was. I had no warning you see - I didn't know we were doing M/s at that exact moment.
It certainly won't happen again. I learned my lesson. Life's like that sometimes - creeps up and bites on you on the ass when you lest expect it. Lesson learned.