Tuesday, June 05, 2012
There have been many changes in the BDSM community/lifestyle in all the years I have been in it. And as with everything some changes have been good .. some not so good .. and some downright confusing.
But I thought I had a pretty good handle on the basics - terminology. After all terminology is the common thread that sorta/kinda keeps us all on the same page - no?? Terms like Top, bottom, Master, Dominant, submissive, slave. Words that help explain who and what we are and what we do.
Obviously there are a whole mess of other "words" that we use .......... and I have felt pretty secure that I understood what they meant.. the good words and the bad words....
BUT I must have missed the memo changing the definition of one term..... "breaking a submissive". In my day that was a very bad thing. Breaking a submissive meant taking her very soul and tearing it into little bits and scattering them to the four winds. This was not a good thing.
Yesterday I was reading some blogs and came across one entitled "Breaking Me" on the Monkey's Journey. I get what she meant by the term (at least I think I do) she was referring to having her limits pushed beyond her comfort zone. BUT my concern came when I realized she was defining a term for a relative newbie.
That is a big problem in my opinion - newbies looking for and asking for definitions (and more) from blogs. How do you know (as a newbie) that you have received the correct information. Perhaps you have only received that one person's opinion.
Even here on The Journey - some days I write with great authority - and afterwards worry that someone is going to take my words to be the ABSOLUTE truth. Not so!! It is the absolute truth for ME. and W. They shouldn't be the ABSOLUTE truth for anyone else.
Example - what if warm up for W and I involved knives and cutting and then needles and piercing and I said that it is the only way to do a warm up.... for everyone. Excuse me??!! There are a whole mess of folks who won't even watch knife play and needle play - now what happens?? Do they land up feeling they are doing it all wrong??? based on my words??? good lord!!!
I have no problem with monkey saying she is being broken by her Dominant - none whatsoever - as that is what it feels like to her..........I do have a problem with the term "broken" being used to describe pushing limits to newbies. How scary is that??? For most people something that is broken - is just that BROKEN. As broken as the chain at the top of this entry. It can't be fixed.
Something that can't be fixed is very scary to me.......... especially when we are talking about people....... and their psyches. I had to comment on the monkey's blog... I thought I did it gently and diplomatically (though admittedly I am not known for my diplomatic skills) I worry about newbies - I worry period about anyone basing their knowledge on a blog........... yes even mine !!!
So I am not here to say "broken" is a good thing OR a bad thing......... cause ya know that would defeat the purpose of my "preaching" this morning. I AM saying to the newbies - or even to those not too clear on the principal - to read and read and read some more - get many definitions - get many opinions......... then form your own. Educate yourself - protect yourself - and rely on your gut instincts for what is right for you and what is wrong.