Tuesday, March 16, 2010

taking back

Usually we think about "giving back" not "taking back" but this past week i have come to realize i have to take back my life.

And i honestly don't know where to start or how to start.

i spent the first week of being uncollared wandering around like a lost soul.

All those protocols / rules and rituals that i have lived by for 9 years ruled my life ..... even uncollared.

Each morning i would sit and stare at the pc cause there was no morning journal to write.

Each time i was out of the house i kept one eye on the clock cause i was expected home at a certain time

Each time i went shopping i thought i should ask permission to buy this or that

Each time i came home i went to text him and tell him i was home.

Each time i came home i stripped naked and pulled on my "subbie at home" uniform

Each night at 8 sharp i would look at the clock and think i should be online for him

Each night i would strip naked and slide between the cold sheets

Each time i sent an email i automatically went to cc it to him

Each time i spoke to someone i thought i should ask permission / or at least tell him

When....... i was collared to him......... i would half joke that he had better leave me to someone in his will........ cause i wouldn't know what to do / how to do it without him in my life.

i never thought about the ending being this way.......... left on my own to find my way back.....

i have a whole mess of taking back to do.


Anonymous said...

you WILL find your way....good submissives are not weak..they are stong..so i know you are strong enough to find your way...it ma take a while..you might think you are lost...but you are are finding YOUR way..and only you can do that...good luck...and once some of the hurt has dissapated..the journey might be interesting..hugsssss to you

Buffalo said...

Everything in life is one moment, one day, at a time.

BlazngScarlet said...

Just put one foot in front of the other ....

You'll find your bearings.

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