Ready to share - a little bit.
My world started to crumble a couple of months ago.... around the time we moved. I know I posted happy / excited / can't wait to move posts..... but the truth of the matter was underneath the whole move nearly drowned me in stress.
I am ready to talk about it - a little bit.... cause there's a part of me that needs to bring light into my world......... This morning I talked to Sir Steve a little bit about it.... It's not like he isn't aware of what is going on,..... but I haven't been able to talk about it.... this morning I tried - cause experience has taught me when I talk about it - it loses some of it's hold on me.
I told him I have food anxiety......... because stress makes it difficult for me to eat... I am now stressing over dinners cause both he and the lil one watch me to see if I eat - how much I eat.... and I feel like I am disappointing them when I can't eat ..... and when I say 'can't' I mean CAN'T. The food will not go down - the food gets stuck in my mouth - and I can't swallow it and then I gag.... it's disgusting. and I hate it !! and yet I feel like I have no control over it.
I have been living on maybe 600 - 800 calories a day.... for 3 months now. I have lost weight. I have lost muscle mass. I have lost the joy of cooking and eating.
I am living with no energy..... duh! food = energy right? So most of my days are spent curled up on the sofa.. napping ... that is not to say I'm not getting chores done - I am. The laundry is done the house is clean the shopping is done. (did I tell you how hard it is to go out into the shops??!! I can hardly breath when I am out and about)
I keep hearing my grandmother's voice saying "this too shall pass" and it will I know it will - it has before....... I could do with it passing now ya know? like right now!
Aww Morningstar, just sending huge (((hugs))). The stress if moving and the settling in after the move can't be over stated.
ReplyDeleteYes, this too shall pass. Let yourself feel what you feel and kind of go with it. Try not to stress about how you are feeling.
Hugs
Roz
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI just heard yesterday on a tv commercial that moving is the most stressful occurrence in a person's life. so no wonder you are struggling.
ReplyDeleteSending you positive vibes and warm hugs,
Hermione
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. I always feel the urge to give advice or a suggestion but, beside not have one to give, I know that's not really what you need. So I'll listen and hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDelete600 to 800 calories a day for that long is highly alarming. I hate to sound cold about this, but having an eating disorder myself with the experience that has given me, I really think that you need to seek professional help very soon. Ending up in hospital because of dangerous weight loss is a difficult experience to deal with. Please find help.
ReplyDeletePrefectdt
thank you for your advice Prefectdt - I hear you believe me I do but going into hospital isn't going to work - been there done that - I am trying very hard to do what was recommended the last time - I am eating small amounts more frequently...
DeleteI'm gonna give it another week or so... I didn't lose any weight this week (YAY) here's hoping......
It is good to hear that you already have a strategy for dealing with this. I hope that I am not interfering too much, but those numbers look scary, to me.
DeletePrefectdt
Eating disorders are often a symptom of depression. I strongly recommend consulting a physician. The modern antidepressants, especially the SSRIs, can be very helpful. Hope you are feeling better soon. I read you blog daily.
ReplyDeleteJ. Crane, MD
No advice, as I have none to give, just love and prayers that this WILL pass for you very soon. *HUGGGGGGGGSSS*. xxxx
ReplyDelete