Fantasy??

I have been involved in the BDSM community for close to (or more than -- I've lost count) 30 years.  Actively busy.... attending munches and play parties and heading up submissive support groups.

In all those years the BDSM community has changed.  The new folks coming in (and yeah some of the older ones) are seeing it more as sexual foreplay -- or sex period.  That's not my view of BDSM.  I have talked enough about how I see (want to see) the BDSM community -- the respect -- the dominance -- the submission -- the beauty of it all.  So no I am not going to do that again (to death)

What appealed to me most were the clearly defined roles ........ the clearly defined rules.  But those have long since gone the way of the Dodo bird.  Maybe I am just a very old fashioned girl...... maybe I am just looking for someone to take care of me... (which if you know me - know it's much more complicated than that as I am a pretty independent outspoken woman)

I've run a few of the different forms of BDSM around in my head -- like a 50's household (cause that's pretty much what I am living right now) and the maintenance spankings and punishment spankings -- but they don't work for me.  

I miss (oh how I miss) the hand wrapped in my hair -- the hand around my neck... feeling the pulsing of my blood -- I miss the rough kisses against the wall -- hands exploring my body -- I miss the " look" -- I miss the whispered words that turned my knees to jelly.  I miss the whips and floggers and knives and paddles.

It seems I have fought for nearly 30 years to find this miraculous combination of BDSM and vanilla -- heavy on the BDSM.  Maybe it really is a fantasy world I am looking for?  

Don't get me wrong -- life is good.  I have a man who loves me -- I have the lil one to keep me young -- I have friends and family who love me and care about me -- I get every summer out of the city ....... but mostly I have a man who loves me deeply and whom I love deeply.  That is real -- not a fantasy I am chasing.  Real is good..... real is very good !