When i was growing up i read a book entitled the Scarlet Letter. The Scarlet Letter was an "A" which stood for adulteress. Now to be perfectly truthful with you all, i don't much remember what the plot of the story was....... just that there was a woman who was an adulteress and she was forced to wear a scarlet A on her clothing so everyone knew.
There was something about the shame of that letter that stuck with me. i never EVER wanted to be branded with a scarlet letter. That and my upbringing probably went a long way in keeping me honest............
Now i don't know if it is the season .. or something in the water.. or something in the air.......... but there is a whole lot of talk going on (in blogs and lists) about playing outside of your primary relationship. And i am watching with some interest the reactions of both sexes. i have noticed that more men seem to endorse the playing on the side......... and more than a few woman are struggling with the idea.
What some of you don't know......... is that way back when....... i too considered myself the "other woman" in my relationship with Sir. You see...... He was already in a relationship when we met........ and when we first started to play. That relationship was not a D/s relationship........ but more a bondage / girlfriend/boyfriend sort of relationship. i was ........ at the time....... identifying (for lack of a better term and because the whole story is best saved for another day) as a lesbian. So you see.......... when Sir offered to teach me about bondage..... and D/s neither of us.. or i should say - NONE of us - expected anything in the way of a long term relationship developing.
However, as time went on, i looked at it as having the best of both worlds. You see Sir's partner at the time was Domme and from time to time she would dominate me (mostly at play parties and with some trepidation - but still she did dominate me ) i kept thinking how much fun it could be having two Masters (so to speak ) to serve.
But that's not how it turned out. When i realized i was having very serious feelings for Sir......... i didn't keep it to myself. i went to the Domme and told Her. (see that's where the honesty bit comes into play) She and i had many long talks....... and suffice it to say for now.......... i had her blessing to pursue my desire to be collared by Sir.
BUT there were times when i wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the top in over me. Times when i felt so ashamed of my feelings for Sir that i thought i should pack it all in and walk away. But something stopped me. And well.. here we are some 8+ years later........ and i have to say i am very glad i didn't walk away. (though in all honesty - the relationship between Sir and Her didn't end exactly the way i foresaw it ending........... there were hurt feelings - and truthfully that is something i have to live with )
There is something i took away from that period of my life.......... besides the feeling guilty about their break up. And this may sound just a tad twisted........ but i don't trust any submissive/slave who "just" wants to play with my Sir...... nope no way no how!!
i especially don't trust the ones who think - for some reason - that is OK to play without even a "by your leave" to me. And you know what?? i wouldn't want to play with a dominant who was married - or in a committed relationship who had to hide me from the world. THAT spells Scarlet Letter to me.
i am sick to death hearing about the "feelings" and not being able to deny them any longer. i am sick to death of hearing how it is only "play" and not serious. (ok ok sometimes it is just play - every now and then - at a party - i am not talking about that...... i am talking about the "i want to kneel at your feet and kiss your boots and give you my all" type of relationship)
i don't understand how hiding in the shadows is fulfilling to either party. Especially at holiday time - when everyone is with loved ones - except for the Scarlet A - hidden away - waiting for the holidays to be over so they can be together again - stolen moments in a lifetime. i really do struggle with how one rationalizes it all........ to themselves.
i may not be proud of moments in the beginning with Sir....... but i am very proud that i never hid in the shadows, that i was open and honest with everyone - including my family. i never wore the Scarlet A and never will. Life is too precious to spend it waiting in the shadows.