Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Resetting continues



After 8 years LLF and I have been reconnecting or as I like to say 'pushing the reset' button.

This weekend was a big RESET ......... 

LLF runs a BDSM group in Montreal -- something he had let slip over the last -- 4 years I guess it has been.  LLF has been saying he wanted to get back into the lifestyle -- but slowly ..... dipping his toe in and testing the waters.

On Saturday he took 2 big steps towards wading back in.
First he held a munch on Saturday noon.  He was excited about the prospect of the munch -- as well as a little nervous I think.  I was nervous too...... it has been 4 years since I saw any of these people....... and they don't know about the changes in LLF's life and in mine.  I wondered how they would react ......... 

Neither of us needed to be worried .... new folks showed up and old friends.  Our old friends seemed pleased to see us back together ... and happy.  One of the girls said to me (she reads my blog) "it really is like a fairy tale" 

It went well -- very well !  and LLF is already planning the next munch for the end of March.

After the munch we went out for dinner with friends ..... and then we were off to a play party.

LLF had talked to me awhile back about his concerns about playing -- about putting his cover on again -- worrying what would happen.  His Sadistic side was worrying him..... would it come out?? would he control it?? I told him then it didn't matter to me what happened -- I would hold his hand and we would work our way through the maze of emotions together, side by side.

We got to the party and oh my!!  The people that came to talk to us -- to welcome us back -- to say how glad they were to see us there -- to see us there together.  The gentleman that organised the party knew us both from way back when ...... I had dropped him an email rsvping for the party and told him who my "Sir" was now.  (to avoid any confusion when he saw me) He was at the door just like he was in the old days --- greeting people.  He was chatting with the couple in front of LLF and myself and he glanced over their shoulders and spotted me -- the smile on his face was so reassuring.  He announced "morningstar!!!  and your SirS -- good to see you both after this long time".  And it felt like we'd come home.

We spent the longest time wandering around this huge overly crowded -- very noisy play space.  We greeted friends at every turn it seemed.  Inside I was fussing a little bit -- it wouldn't be me if I wasn't fussing over something!!  My mind was on the play to come ..... where would we play ?? I kept looking for equipment that would please LLF -- and for space to play......... 

Finally we settled on a cross -- there were crowds of people surrounding it ...... but LLF strikes quite an imposing persona in his full leathers with his cover on.  As he strode into the crowd -- it parted automatically and people turned to stare at us.  He put the toy bag down and pulled out the collar.  I went to him and our ritual from 8 years ago was renewed.  I turned and he put the leather collar around my neck -- fastening it tight.  He pulled out the cuffs and clips and fastened me to the cross.  I took a deep breath ..... I tried to "go there" in my head -- but I couldn't take my eyes off LLF.  Finally he stood behind me and put his hand on my back -- and I knew it was time to push the final reset button.  

At first I could feel his tentativeness -- and I kept whispering in my heart -- "find your rhythm LLF - find your rhythm"

And then it happened -- the curtain fell away and it was 8 years ago -- and his hands were spanking -- and then the paddle was hitting -- each toy had it's turn..... I thought I was going to cry -- it honestly felt so right -- I was home where I belonged -- under the hands of the one man I totally I trusted ....... and loved.

He pulled the knife out -- and I felt it tracing patterns over my body -- I was also vaguely aware of the quiet that had settled over the crowd around us. And then I was gone -- dancing with my fairies  -- I thought they were gone forever -- but it turns out they were just waiting for me to find my way back.

Later much later I asked LLF how it felt for him...... and the word he used was "freeing".  I smiled cause I knew what he meant -- there were no restrictions on our play ..... it was OUR time together.  There were small surprises for me - the overly large round handle of the flogger thrust between my legs -- tight up against my clit -- for me to rock against -- his hands finding their way around my throat ....... tightening feeling the euphoria that I have never experienced before........ 

Yes it was a play time for the books!  One that will not soon be forgotten -  and hopefully will be relived over and over again at other parties.

I am so very glad we picked the "yes" button on the "do you want to restart" question...... a better decision has never been made !
 

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