Friday, September 16, 2016
Mono-poly (edited for some clarity)
I read a piece yesterday on FL entitled "Change your Cookbook: A monogamuggle's guide to cookin' with polyfolk". And it just kinda smacked me upside the head.
When I started this "Continued Journey" I had no idea where it would take me -- where I would land up. I did have this idea in my head of poly -- and how it would allow me to have my cake and eat it too...... you know -- have my own space -- some freedom -- AND companionship. It took a while -- some false starts for sure. I had a picture in my head how it should look.... and I wasn't having any luck in finding my picture perfect match.
Well that is until Hands and his wife came along.
And the relationship started to take on "picture perfect" proportions. As time has gone on -- I have come to realize (thanks to Hands and his wife) that they see this as a whole picture not just the good times - but the rough times too -- I have come to realize I honestly don't want or need anyone else in my life.
And there was my problem. How could I be poly if I just wanted to be monogamous with Hands and his wife? Monogamous relationships have a schedule of sorts ya know?? You meet -- you date - you spend loads of time together -- you move in together -- and you plan "happily ever after"
Maybe it's because I have had 3 relationships that were supposed to be "happily ever after"........ pffft ! didn't happen did it??!!
Now I am not looking for fairy tale endings. I am looking for a happy fairy tale story in the here and now. Now I cherish each day we have together.
The small things are important to me -- chats with Hands -- our private time -- our group times. Feeling accepted and welcomed into their relationship.
The future?? shrug - who knows what any future holds -- even if you are monogamous -- endings happen. I don't want to look or even think about endings -- I want to live today -- in the here and now. It's good now -- sharing is good -- I'm happy and contented.
I am not less poly because I have decided to settle down with one partner who is poly. It just means I am mono in a poly relationship. Hands has to keep all the plates spinning - so to speak. Me ?? I just get to give him all my attention -- make just him happy ..... and be available/be present when we are together....... we being Hands and I -- his wife and I - or all 3 of us.
And one last quick thought on this -- I think - KNOW - I am extremely lucky to have a close relationship with his wife -- not many poly relationships have the 'others' get along as well -- become as close as we have.
So I have a new label -- mono-poly -- I know I am not some odd ball -- and I know that loving and living for this moment is the best way to find a low stress happy life.
And that is a very good thing!