Thursday, October 10, 2013


A week or so ago, I read a blog on FetLife, where a submissive was talking about her disillusionment with the scene in a major city.  (name withheld to protect the guilty)

I read it and shook my head - everything she talked about / complained about happens here in Kingston - I hear people complaining/debating all the time.  It happened in Montreal too.  It happens everywhere!!

I am very non-competitive - in fact so much so - that honestly I don't understand competitive people...their need to "win" or be first or be top dog.

I have watched someone here in Kingston go from being this nice soft gentle soul - with a great love for his kink -  to a person I hardly recognise.  Driven by his kink - driven by his need to be in the "in crowd" to be included and admired and in the process he is losing friends and most importantly his partner (this is all in my opinion - based on what I see from the outside)

The other evening in photography class - my latest assignment was up being critiqued by the teacher and class.  The teacher found very few mistakes/ things that could improve in my 12 shots.  I was happy.... I had accomplished MY goal... to learn the lesson - to internalize it.. to be able to do something for myself right.

I happened to mention at break time - to a couple of my classmates - that I had joined a photography club as well as signing up for the next set of classes.  One of them turned to me and asked "what do you intend to do with your photography?"  I said 'nothing in particular.  I just want to take decent pictures'

And i realized that my kink life is pretty much the same way.  I am not doing what I do for any recognition or accolades or to be #1 subbie to anyone (other than W).  But so many others are competing to be #1 - to be admired and respected and maybe even worshiped.  (ok ok that's definitely my jaded opinion)

And yet - it hit me this morning - that with all these supposed leaders - we (W and i) are getting more and more emails/phone calls from submissives who are struggling and need help.  I thought after the latest SOS phone call - that it is amazing to me - that after only a few months here we are the ones these folks call.  Not the supposed leaders of the community.  Nope us - the quiet newcomers who sit back and watch the shenanigans and competition and refuse to enter the rat race.

And it occurred to me that perhaps what the BDSM community needs are more quiet unassuming souls who have time to listen - who never proclaim to have all the answers - but who do have time to listen - who offer a cup of coffee  and a box of kleenix if necessary.

I don't do competition - I don't give a rat's ass who's #1 - or who's moving up the ladder to be the next #1.  I just care how I live my life day to day - I like to think I live by my values both in and out of the kink world.  

And that - at the end of the day - I can say simply "I did my best".

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