I have been working on a blog entry "24/7" for a week or so now... adding a little bit more each day - editing and adding more.... wanting it to say everything that
Then yesterday "anonymous" posted a comment that hit me upside the head......... he/she said "I'll tell you a secret most people who have never lived with their Dom/Master don't realise: if you're not careful, you can wind up doing less BDSM than if you maintained separate homes. There's always the idea that "ooh you live together, you lucky thing!"... it doesn't work like that."
and that comment made me go "ummmmmmmmmmm".....
It's not that they didn't write anything I didn't already know - after all I was married for a number of years and tried my damnedest to keep that marriage alive - so I know all about "date nights" and "making time for one another". I guess it just never occurred to me that the same principals should/ could be applied to a D/s relationship. I guess I never thought one could become complacent in a D/s relationship. I guess I figured the dom - in this case W - would take control 24/7 - lead the charge sort of thing - and I would just run along behind.......................
That's obviously not what's happening. I have been struggling with just how vanilla our life is.
Now do NOT get me wrong............ I am not unhappy - I love W as much today as I did when I moved here - if not more.............. it's just this living together is not quite how I saw it in my mind's eye............. my fantasy. (oh hell - and we vowed this would be real life - our way - no more fantasies!!)
But it is very difficult to try and be a "good subbie" - to serve and be respectful - and all those things that people expect from a subbie - when I feel like I am working in a vacuum.
And it doesn't help when I read some of your blogs - where there is all this BDSM going on - seemingly 24/7 - and ok yeah I 'll admit it.. I am damn jealous. I can't help but think I worked this hard - waited this long - to have this relationship and now ......now it feels as though something is missing.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh well - I will continue to edit and add to my original 24/7 blog - it may happen that it will never see the light of day - but it may just help me to sort out the occasional emptiness - confusion - loneliness I feel.