Gold Star

ME!

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday - at the request of my therapist.  As you know I have been struggling with an eating disorder.  I wasn't sure why she wanted me to go -- and I was kinda angry -- it made me feel like a child - like I wasn't working hard enough to stop it.

I had the blood work done -- and got the results about a week ago.  They were all normal - including my blood sugar (which was one of the goals) !!  That made me feel a little better

You see some days I feel like I am running as fast as I can and getting no where - it's a frightening scary feeling.  But at least there is no damage being done yet.

So I got weighed in - blood pressure taken  -- and the doctor came in.  And we talked about what's going on .......... but he didn't do what I expected.  He asked me what I knew about anorexia - and I told him 'enough' - I had worked with a couple of girls over my career who suffered from it.  He asked me what my goal weight was - REALLY was.  And I had to admit I really didn't know.  I had thought that when I lost 55 pounds I had hit the "magic number" but the feeling hadn't lasted.  He pushed a little bit -- but I told him I honestly didn't know anymore.  

I told him I am smaller now than before I got pregnant with my first child some 40 years ago.  That I am in the smallest dress size I have EVER been in.  BUT I don't feel thin.  I don't look thin.  
  
He started ticking things off - 
x my blood sugar was normal
x all my blood levels were normal 
x my BMI had dropped from 33 to 25 and that was normal
x I had not been sick at all during the winter - not even a small cold
x I was working with my therapist
x I was very aware of my problem and wanted to fix it

He said I should just continue on -- and if I lost another 5 - 10 pounds it would be ok.  He told me that I was doing a good job.  AND he wished all of his patients would go to the gym 5 days a week and walk for an hour every afternoon (that made me smile) 

So the final diagnosis - more blood work in 3 months - and another follow up appointment.  I thought as I left his office - following the feeling like a child comment above - I felt like I had just been given a gold star for effort.