Rule Book

I had another therapy session this week.  Usually we spend the hour talking about food and weight and why......... BUT in the past we had touched on something that has bothered me my whole life.... my feeling that everyone has the rule book for this game called 'life' but somehow I didn't get a copy.  And I wanted to talk about that this week - - as part of my journey towards gaining control over my life  -- my whole life.

We talked a lot about my relationships with people - males and females - friends and acquaintances and yeah 'enemies'.  (Well I did a lot of talking she did a lot of listening) Someone once told me I was too naive...... too trusting......too much of a bleeding heart... that I should be more cynical and more hard hearted.  

Somehow we got onto "boundaries" and my therapist asked me if I had any idea what it meant?? Of course I do!  BUT in talking I realized that I build boundaries for other people but none for myself. I just assume people will return in kind the boundaries I built for them.
 
She pointed out that I need to build boundaries for myself.....I need to start saying "that hurt me" or "I don't agree" or "I won't accept that" ...... I need to start valuing myself for myself.  I need to stop trying to be everything for everyone -- I need to start "loving myself" not just saying the words.

AND I think this 'boundary' thing may just be that rule book I have been looking for all my life......