Saturday, July 27, 2013


I read something over on fetlife - well there have been more than a few articles written on "permission protocols" but this one made me stop and think - and nod - and then finally say "YES"

Our protocols - rules if you like - were often frowned upon in the general BDSM community.  At the beginning I was confused by this and yeah - sometimes I was hurt.  IF W and I decided that we wanted rules or protocols in our relationship - why shouldn't we have them?? What business was it of anyone else??? 

But then it was pointed out to me that some of the rules/protocols involved other people - and that wasn't consensual and therefore broke the first rule of BDSM - everything has to be consensual!  Can I say confusing????!!!  The thing I loved about BDSM (besides the spankings, floggings, whips and chains oh my!!)  were protocols and rules.  and yet here I was being told they were non-consensual for other people.

Now you might be asking yourself if they were OUR rules/protocols how did they impact other folks.  Here's an example................IF someone requested a "friendship" on Fetlife - I had to explain to them that I had to get permission from Sir before I could friend anyone.  That rule involves other people in our dynamic - in our rules.  

HOWEVER -   if that someone who wants to friend me - does not like our rule about permission - they are free to withdraw their request.  Right?? So it is still consensual - they can say "NO". 

And yeah see - this rule about friendship requests - just makes perfect sense to me - even in a vanilla world.  Why in god's name would I want to sneak around behind W's back making "friends" without telling him???  Do you get it?? Friends should be shared.  It doesn't mean I have to like all of W's friends - or that he has to like all mine - but no one should "hide" friendships... that just leads to problems I think.

A lot of folks have never understood our protocols/rules.  It always made me feel I had to hide them - not talk about them - keep them hidden like something dirty and perverted.  How weird is THAT?? in a perverted community I am hiding something as simple as "rules I live by".  

I am not saying I am gonna shout them from the roof tops - or insist everyone live by them and if they don't they are "doing it all wrong" .. no no no.... all I am saying is respect my right to live by them.  Simple eh?? 

And that dear friends is just some early Saturday morning thinking.................

1 comment:

  1. Its a bummer isnt it? one would hope that others especially in a form of this lifestyle would be more accepting.

    Its like with us (ie me and my Master) he has access to my emails, he doesnt go through and read them all unless i express a concern but nevertheless he can, and sometimes will, so when i recive emails, or im asked for my email i make a point of explaining that my Master has access, and honestly i have received much critiscim of this because its assumed that i dont have privacy and therefore he cant trust me!!!!

    It has nothing to do with that at all, im his slave and as such i hide nothing from him nor do i want if he should for whatever reason choose to go through my email..i dont have a problem with that.

    ok rant over lol


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