Thinking

I read something over on fetlife - well there have been more than a few articles written on "permission protocols" but this one made me stop and think - and nod - and then finally say "YES"

Our protocols - rules if you like - were often frowned upon in the general BDSM community.  At the beginning I was confused by this and yeah - sometimes I was hurt.  IF W and I decided that we wanted rules or protocols in our relationship - why shouldn't we have them?? What business was it of anyone else??? 

But then it was pointed out to me that some of the rules/protocols involved other people - and that wasn't consensual and therefore broke the first rule of BDSM - everything has to be consensual!  Can I say confusing????!!!  The thing I loved about BDSM (besides the spankings, floggings, whips and chains oh my!!)  were protocols and rules.  and yet here I was being told they were non-consensual for other people.

Now you might be asking yourself if they were OUR rules/protocols how did they impact other folks.  Here's an example................IF someone requested a "friendship" on Fetlife - I had to explain to them that I had to get permission from Sir before I could friend anyone.  That rule involves other people in our dynamic - in our rules.  

HOWEVER -   if that someone who wants to friend me - does not like our rule about permission - they are free to withdraw their request.  Right?? So it is still consensual - they can say "NO". 

And yeah see - this rule about friendship requests - just makes perfect sense to me - even in a vanilla world.  Why in god's name would I want to sneak around behind W's back making "friends" without telling him???  Do you get it?? Friends should be shared.  It doesn't mean I have to like all of W's friends - or that he has to like all mine - but no one should "hide" friendships... that just leads to problems I think.

A lot of folks have never understood our protocols/rules.  It always made me feel I had to hide them - not talk about them - keep them hidden like something dirty and perverted.  How weird is THAT?? in a perverted community I am hiding something as simple as "rules I live by".  

I am not saying I am gonna shout them from the roof tops - or insist everyone live by them and if they don't they are "doing it all wrong" .. no no no.... all I am saying is respect my right to live by them.  Simple eh?? 

And that dear friends is just some early Saturday morning thinking.................