It should have been a fantastic weekend - W was down - my kids had my birthday celebration - we visited with friends - ate Sunday dinner out - It should have been a fantastic weekend.
BUT it wasn't.
I seem to be on this constant downward spiral - and yes I know as long as I think about it - give in to it - it won't change. I know that !!! Now if someone can find the magic button to stop this downward spiral I would push it in an instant.
Even sex didn't work this weekend - didn't work as in "it's broke - it don't work anymore"............. and yeah I am guessing it is cause my mental state is going from bad to worse - maybe even to worst-est. But it eats at me - ya know. The one thing I have felt good about is - I was always "on" when it came to sex - any type of sex - soft sex - rough sex - upside down sex...... didn't matter I always wanted it - needed it - craved it.
And W tried - god how he tried ......... and it didn't work - It felt good - but let's just say I didn't quite make the grade........... "it's broke - it don't work anymore"
Something has to give soon............. has to............ cause honestly I don't know how much longer I can just muddle along like this................
I think that W just needs to hold you and be affectionate without the pressure of anything sexual.
ReplyDeleteHe needs to tell you that EVERYTHING will be fine, and that you are TRULY loved, no matter how you feel.
Feelings of anxiety and sadness are VERY difficult to overcome. Patience and, perhaps, medication will help you!
I wish you emotional health.
God bless you!!
Maybe I am the one who is broken, KNOT you and it is just going from Me to you :-((
ReplyDeleteW
I have found this little aphorism very useful:
ReplyDelete"What's wrong with right now - if you don't think about it?"
(Bob Adamson)
The habit of unnecessary thinking is responsible for our emotional troubles.