Thursday, November 18, 2010


I was having a quiet evening... playing my silly games... when something spurred me to log on to Fetlife.

One thing lead to another and I discovered a group called "Elders". I read some of the discussions... and thought this might be a group I would be comfortable in .. at least for now.

One of the prerequistes is you should have been in the lifestyle for 20 years or so. That is - by the definition of the owner - what it takes to make you an elder. Well I fit that requirement easily.. hands down actually.

I spent ( some might think I wasted) a good part of the evening reading the discussions and leaving comments here and there and all over the group. (I feel for the owner of the group - he'll probably wonder who this mad woman is who can't shut up)

There were some interesting thought provoking discussions. Things that I have been asking myself a lot lately... like why there is so much drama in this lifestyle.. and no I do NOT believe it is just the newbies that cause the drama. I believe this drama has a whole lot to do with folks trying to find acceptance, make a niche for themselves, or battle for some form of leadership within the community.

Why do we spend so much time wanting to learn technique - without wanting to learn about trust, intimacy and connection. I don't much agree with the main poster.. I believe that technique should come first. I believe when we first find this kink we are so anxious to explore and try everything we don't stop long enough to think about intimacy or connection or even trust... that comes after our desires / fantasies have been experienced....... and we settle down to a more stable relationship with kink.

And finally there was the post on longevity.. and what secrets we have for staying in the lifestyle for 20+ years. That one confused me a little bit. I said what secret?? My love of kink is a part of WHO I am - it would be next to impossible to cut it from my life. Nor would I want to .. permanently that is. No more than I would want to amputate an arm or a leg. Kink is just a part of who I am .. part of my make up.. my being. my soul. Longevity has very little to do with it... and there sure ain't no secret about it either.

So who knows.. maybe this "Elders" group will give me fodder for posts here on The Journey.. at least until I get back on my feet and can start living it again.. rather than day dreaming about it.

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