Saturday, September 04, 2010

Walk on Water

Or........ believing the hype......

Ever since I came to the realization that BDSM existed... I heard (and yeah believed) the philosophy (maybe more like hype) that the Dom/Top is always right. In fact there is a joke about rule books... Rule #1 the Dom is always right. Rule #2 refer to Rule #1

Since March I have to come to realize that Doms/Tops do not walk on water ... they aren't always right... sometimes they don't even come close.

Know why??

They are human.... with all the pitfalls / weaknesses / temptations of being human.

I have heard it all.. or nearly all....... and watched as Doms/Tops have "fallen from grace" had to eat their words, had to back pedal and rethink/re-evaluate their positions.

So where does that leave the submissive who has turned over / given up / immersed themselves totally and completely to this power exchange??
Or what happens to the submissive/bottom who simply believed all the hype and lived to learn that it was mostly all smoke and mirrors??

I am not saying this is a bad thing!! I am not saying that Doms/Tops aren't allowed to make mistakes.... change direction... stumble and fall.

I just think one should be aware that Doms/Tops are not all knowing... walk on water "gods".

I for one am reading profiles/ listening to discussions and taking it all with a grain of salt. Don't tell me you are doing this for joy of BDSM.. when you really are looking for a good bed fellow.. or looking to climb to the top of the popularity charts.. or because you just want to make a name for yourself. I hear the words.. and can't help but wonder what is really behind the hype??

I have always maintained.... that the submissive had better be strong.. had better be aware of the dangers (both physical and emotional) because the bottom line is...... no one can be responsible for you - except for YOU! It hasn't earned me any brownie points.. it has even (possibly) lost me some play partners/possible new Doms... shrug... I won't apologize for making sure I am safe - emotionally and physically. Or for believing we are all human......

But then that's just my addled opinion!


swan said...

There's huge resistance to the use of the word "real" or its companion "true," to describe participants in the lifestyle, but I don't know how else to say what I think about this:

REAL adults
Live REAL lives
In the REAL world
With REAL partners
and we all have REAL strengths and REAL weaknesses.
We deal with REAL challenges and we have to solve REAL problems.
If we manage to do it well, then we might get REAL lucky and experience REAL joy.


morningstar said...

nodding YES swan that is it!! I think this entry spilled out today because of all the damn hype (or politics) going on around here right now... I feel old and so damn jaded...

THIS is life.. and real shit happens.. it is NOT a fairy tale for god's sakes...

LOL maybe I should have just said that instead of my diplomatic post...

abby said...

BRAVO Swan..when it is real...that means it includes good, bad, easy, hard, mistakes, forgiveness..and lots is fun..and sometimes, if we are lucky so is life...but most of all it is real.
(Excuse the run-on stentence..i do know better)

viemoira said...

I learned quite early on that putting anyone on a proverbial pedestal is recipe for let down.
In my opinion any Dom / Top that truly cares for their sub / slave would want their servitude consensual and their traits to include that of confidence, strength; including the ability to know their limits and protect themselves.

anna said...

I placed someone on an extremely high pedestal for 12 years. When he let me down, he let me down more than anyone before him ever had. I still carry that emotional scar.

I fully agree about a submissive's welfare being, ultimately, her/his own responsibility. Looking out for myself hasn't gained me any brownie points either. I can deal with that.

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