Confusion

I received a message the other day with "I am SO confused" in the subject line. I didn't know the author of the message but her question was valid.

I'm new to this so forgive me if this is a stupid question but what is a public play date? and if there's no sex just what do you do? I warned you, I'm new to this so it may be really silly but I don't get it

This was in response to an opinion I left on a fet life discussion group. I have promised to answer her privately .. and I will. BUT I was thinking this morning how much information is missing for newbies to the lifestyle. This woman who wrote me is not inexperienced in 'life' (sharing as many years on this earth as I have) BUT is new to the lifestyle and trying to pick her way through the mine fields of information.

I received another email from a friend (much younger than myself) who had questions based on my blog entry "The new S&M?" . Mostly questioning why not some sexual play to go along with the pain play.

And my answer to that one.. hey .. if it is what you are looking for then by all means go for it. It just isn't something I fully understand.

Which is not to say I don't want sex after I have played... most of the time I do.. badly.

I guess a lot of this reluctance to engage in sexual play publicly stems from my upbringing. Sex in any form should be private.

But truthfully folks IF I am gonna pay good money to go out to a club with all sorts of neat equipment to use, why would I spend my time having sex there?? Why wouldn't I be using all that lovely equipment for what it was meant to be used for.. spanking, flogging, whipping oh my !! (but then as it was pointed out to me .. I am a masochist and not quite the same as everyone else)

BUT hey folks...... I still want sex. Yes I do !!! crave it even. But I am single now. And OLD. And sex partners aren't exactly knocking down my door. And I realize I am running head on into belief systems that stem back to my teen years.

First .. you don't just give it away to anyone. If you do .. then you will be labeled a slut.

Second.... safe sex is paramount. BUT it has been so damn long since I had to worry about safe sex I don't even know how to approach the subject. I do know if someone tried to insert anything in me at a public/private play party un-negotiated, I would be tearing them a new one.. or if negotiated, making damn sure there was at least a glove on a hand or a condom on the vibrator.

So here I sit.......... happy with just getting pain.. and missing the sexual release from having a full time partner. Morals and principles can stymie one's 'fun' for sure....... but the voices in my head are very difficult to silence.

I still believe that public play should be fit for public consumption.. not for the voyeurs who want to masturbate in a dark corner while watching........... I believe there is something very spiritual and beautiful about a good "scene" ...... for both the giver, the receiver and the watcher.

But then I am beginning to think I am a dinosaur - soon to be extinct. But until that day, I will continue to preach my beliefs that S&M is more than standing around looking pretty, more than anonymous sex in a darkened club and more than what I am seeing today - pointe finale !