My nemesis

Let me introduce you to my nemesis..............

these became my worst nightmare on the weekend.. my utter and complete undoing..........

On Sunday Sir used them once again on my pussy lips........ this time He took bigger bites than He had on Saturday and i was left hanging on to the arm of the chair until my knuckles turned white.......... my pussy throbbed and burned.......... and all the while i was trying to breath it through..... trying to get on top of the pain.......... all i could see in my mind's eye was a desire for maybe some clothes pegs added for extra OUCH.. or maybe the flogger being used at the same time.. or maybe .. still maybe...... being made to kneel while Sir put his fingers in me and brought me again and again to orgasm...........

why is it...that when i am in the midst of the worst pain... i come up with ways to make it even worse????????? (but i must confess i didn't share those ideas with Sir .. well not then.. but He will most certainly know now!)

Mind you........ getting up to fetch Sir a drink while wearing these devilish clamps .. having them swing and tug .. walking with my legs spread apart to avoid crushing the extended lips .. was humiliating (for me) .. And then .. to be so focused on the clamps and the damage they were doing dangling there.. i forgot to ask for permission before entering the living room.......... and Sir sent me back out .. turn around.. and approach properly...... prolonging the dangling time was sheer evilness i swear!!!

And .. the best part.. and yes i do believe it was the BEST part.. i was not given another orgasm after the ones on Saturday...... i endured more pain on my sore lil pussy on Sunday with no orgasm......... and know what ?? i loved it !! It really taught me that orgasms are Sir's gift to me........... and for some weird and wonderful reason that was an important lesson for me this weekend.......

i am not cranky or upset or sulky or even that whiny because i endured the pain on Sunday with no reward......... enduring for Sir.. watching Him grin as he put the clamps on.. or flogged my pussy was .. honest!! ....... such joy for me.. It was done because Sir was having fun........ and that is my job as His..... to give him enjoyment.........

yup........ it was a great weekend even if i have a new nemesis....

Orgasm restrictions..

i was thinking this morning how weird i am .. (well i can only speak for me) on Monday i was absolutely climbing the walls because Sir had decided to put me on orgasm restrictions.. and it had been (at that point) 2 weeks since i had had one orgasm....... ONE?? !! i used to be multi-orgasmic.. i wonder some days if i have lost the ability... i used to have to have.. (yeah HAVE to have) at least one orgasm a day to retain what little sanity i had....

Now it is Friday - 3 weeks since my last orgasm.. and i don't feel one twinge.. one desire.. one urge. i wonder if it is because Sir isn't here.. and as i have said before.. masturbating just isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be... and without Sir here... there are no tawses or whips or floggers flying..and most definitely NO pretty clips or clamps... do they rule my needs .. my urges?? am i so plugged into pain now that normal vanilla orgasms (yes VANILLA!! sticking my tongue out at all those who cringe at the use of the word) just don't do it for me anymore??

Once upon a time i read some emails about a machine.. i think it was called the syberian.. it cost an arm and a leg.. but i wondered .. i really did.. if i was hooked up to it.. and tied down.. if it would drive me crazy - to have that many orgasms.. controlled by a machine. Would it break me?? can you actually break a pussy??

But for today.. i am wondering if i am just plain broken.. dried up from lack of use.. from orgasm restriction........ can that happen??? Is Sir in for a surprise?? maybe it doesn't work anymore?? maybe i can't get horny anymore??? Did the philosophy behind the orgasm restriction work.. if i lost the urge??

And then of course i wonder .. have i lost the urge if i am still thinking about it?? Maybe it is only truly gone when one no longer thinks about it?? as my kids say "whateverrrrrrrr"... all i know is it makes me wonder how i can be so damn horny on Monday.. and so damn disinterested in the whole idea on Friday...

where do we come from?

i wasn't all that sure how to start this post.. or even if i should.....

i was raised in a religious household... we went to church every Sunday and sat in the family pew (back in the days when there were such things as family pews) the adults sat between the kids to keep us quiet.. we went to Sunday School. Sunday was a day of no card playing, no TV, no radio. It was a day of quiet reflection and dinner at grandma's house..... always dinner at grandma's house with all the other cousins and Aunts and Uncles. Every single Sunday... no deviation from the pattern for any reason.

i was married in the church and raised my children in the church. My children went to Sunday School.. i went to church.. my husband slept in. Sometime around the time of the confirmation of one of my girls.. i started to question organised religion the way most teenagers do.. one big difference.. my eyes were open.. i was not rebelling against my parents.. i was "seeing" organised religion for what it really was... A few years later i left the church.. the organised part of it..... it didn't totally leave me - the religion part.. there are still times that i feel a pang of some sort ....... mostly around Christmas time.. i loved the Christmas carols, the Christmas services..the quiet reverence.. the services were full of hope and joy and happiness... but i don't miss the church. and i am betting it doesn't much miss me.

Yesterday i received a url for something called Christian Domestic Discipline. i worked my way through their site.. i wondered which came first.. (the egg or the chicken kind of question) did some group decide they rather liked being spanked / giving spankings and the group evolved.. or did someone actually believe the bible verses.. In the introduction / explanation of their site they say " A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking."

Now i read through their site.. and realized it didn't sound a whole lot different in many ways from what Sir and i have / strive to have... and it got me thinking.. which came first.. the egg or the chicken?? or was it a bunch of kinky people who couldn't quite rationalize their desire for spankings within religion and tweaked the scriptures a bit to make it all fit .. in god's eye?? In my humble opinion that happens way too often with religion we make the scriptures say what we want.

Anyway.. i don't want anyone getting all bent out of shape here and think i am running down a perfectly innocent group of religious people.. i was just wondering which came first.. the spankings or the scripture.... i was wondering if my Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents, Parents indulged in spankings for discipline with the blessing of the church?? This site made me curious.. made me realize how and why i have read from time to time posts from some who offer an explanation of why it is ok to be involved in BDSM and still be a Christian (i have never read their informative emails.. just scanned the subject line)

And last but not least.. i went to the CDD store and drooled over some of their "pantaloons" and the "chemise"...

i won't be going back to organized religion any time soon....... but i may be asking for permission to order some pantaloons..

Critique!

It was.. for lack of a better word..... an interesting weekend......

A week or so ago i convinced Sir that his blog needed updating.. and so i went to work and updated his blog.. adding a new heading picture (which i happen to LOVE !!) Since then he has been too busy to post anything... Well this weekend i pointed out to him - oh so very subbie like - that it depressed me to see the same sad post from way back in April on his brand spanking new blog layout. So......... Sir went to work to post a new upbeat entry.. and ohhhhh my god !!! ever heard of "Murphy's law"?? well it took all weekend .. much cursing and swearing and sweating .. and my offering to reload his old layout .. before Sir finally got the whole thing working again.......... If you get a chance check out the new improved look of Sir’s Place...... as well as some pretty spring time "pictures" !!! (may i say OUCH!!!??)

BUT that was not what i really want to post about today....... i rattled Sir's cage a wee bit by saying i was going to post a "critique" of the weekend's activities.. but mostly what this post is about is... "be careful of what you wish for"... (terrible english but you catch the drift)

On Saturday while Sir and i were hoofing it around the garden centers getting all the supplies i needed to work on the gardens.. i leaned over to Him and whispered "i am SOOOOO horny" Now please note.. most of the time Sir is very generous with my orgasms.. i only have to ask and i receive. So when we got home.. some time later.. He proceeded to .. ummm.. play with me sexually. i muttered (ok ok shoot me now !!) how i LOVE to be teased. Sir replied .. with a lifted eyebrow.. "Oh really??!!" and promptly stopped.

Stop and start and repeat was the practice for the day........

By Sunday i was thinking ok this isn't fun anymore !!! When Sir was using the tawse (yes the damn tawse again !! it was the toy of choice for the weekend!!) i was finding it very very difficult not to beg for an orgasm.... there is no polite way of putting this.. i was dripping wet and dying .. DYING i say!! .. for an orgasm. Sir was doing his outmost best to torture my pussy.. he was using the tawse between my legs.. he was pinching my pussy.. tugging and pulling on my clit jewelry and flicking it in a most evil way.

i was .. i thought.. doing everything in my power to ask him (oh so very subtly for an orgasm). i was wiggling my butt at him.. i was moaning ecstatically with every pinch, tug, flick. It got to the point that i was nearly out of my mind with need. ( i have read that before somewhere.. and thought .. oh yeah.. sure !! trust me it is possible to be nearly out of one's mind with need !!) i was so needy.. so wanting.. that when Sir (ugh i hate to even think about this !!) teased my asshole i was praying He would .. well WOULD .. cause even that was better than nothing. BUT He didn't !!

Not one orgasm the whole weekend.. not one!! And now it is Monday and Sir has left to go and attend to work and the usual vanilla week long business.. and i am left feeling ... cranky believe it or not! very very cranky.. and all because i was stupid enough to say "i love being teased".... i will learn !! (or will i?? )

something wicked this way comes..

The other day i used a term "evil" lightly... and i realized that for some it has a completely different connotation. EVIL is a term drakor and i bat back and forth in describing what we look for in a Dominant.


Evil not as in satanistic stuff.. as in decapitated bodies... or blood guts and gore..
Evil for us is more about Dominants who have an imagination.. who can take our fantasies and expound on them... taking them (and ultimately us) beyond the limits we believed we had..


Evil was last night... after a day of being "garden slave" digging and turning winter hardened soil, planting plants, transplanting others, coming in hot and sweaty and tired .. muscles screaming.. and Sir insisting on a session with only the tawse... and all my fluttering of eyelashes.. pleading and begging for.. at the very least a warm up.. before the slap slap of the leather... went unheeded.. Evil was getting me totally accustomed to the rhythm of the tawse slapping cross wise across my ass then hitting the sweet spot.. then hitting the backs of my thighs.. Evil was moving to stand so the straps of the tawse would hit lengthwise down my ass, sneaking into the cracks hitting my asshole and pussy.. leaving me gasping and crying and pleading ........ and ignoring those pleas and tears... Evil was asking me why i was kneeling up rather than remaining bent over the ottoman.... where the ass is more accessible to the leather straps.


That is what evil is for drakor and i ..........


And .. i discovered writing this blog entry that there are at least 2 sites with quizzes that let you check how evil YOU are..........


how evil are you test 1

how evil are you test 2

And my result from test 1............... (yikes!! i am starting to doubt the "evilness" in the story i am working on for the Fictional blog !!)

You Are 34% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

humiliation play

i was ... well.... challenged to write a fictional story from the dominant's point of view. drakor and i have been talking - as we often do - about the lack of evil dommes and from those chats came the challenge. i have had from time to time rather evil thoughts about what i would do as a dominant. i have even tried a couple of times to dom drakor (thank goodness he is a good friend and a switch) and both attempts were dismal failures.

i let the ideas for this story swirl around in my head for days and yesterday i sat down and started to write. (and no don't look for it yet on the Fictional Journey - i am only due to post there on the June 1st)

In writing this story i learned a few things about myself..... if i let my imagination go.. and just write the ideas in my brain... i can be quite evil.. but then i pause and wonder if i am really "evil" or just evil in my opinion?? On paper (so to speak) i have no trouble being mean and saying mean things, it flows easily - until that is i reread what i had written. Then i am plagued with doubts. Do i sound too mean?? Am i being too cruel?? OH MY GOD.. this could actually hurt someone's feelings !!! do damage !!! and i found myself hitting a wall - bigger then any writer's block.

Then i started to question where these mean words came from......... from me?? Somewhere inside there is a very mean cruel me??? i couldn't write another word.. i just hung there..

So i did what i always do when i am worried about something.. i sent the half written story to Sir.. and asked Him if it was appropriate.. if i should continue or tone it down.. or toss it completely. The shock i felt at the words i had written is still surprising me this morning.. i reread what i had written and thought to myself - probably most would find it normal at best.. tame at worst.. yet it still makes my stomach churn....

Is it like that for a new dominant.. the first time they actually inflict pain on another?? Do they worry about it? Do they worry they have gone too far??? Do they want to crumble immediately and snuggle with their "victim" and be reassured themselves that all is "right with the world"??

If nothing else .. the exercise of writing this story has taught me being a Dominant is not an easy job.. it is something that must come naturally from within.. and they shouldn't be constantly second guessing every action they do......

It also taught me that i am so far from being dominant that it isn't even funny.... so much for the pipe dreams of one day owning a house slave to do all the ding dang house work around here and freeing me up to do the things i like best.........

submissive by nature and nurture that's me..........

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editorial note: this story i am struggling with ..may still turn up on the Fictional Journey on the 1st of June.. it is in Sir's hands and up to Him if i continue writing... also it will probably be written / posted in at least 2 parts .. because it takes a lot of words to sound evil (cheeky grin)

Fantasy or reality??

In my post on Sunday about the difficulties of finding a balance between BDSM and vanilla life.. there were 2 excellent comments that really (i feel) deserve to be answered in a post..

The first was Buffalo. He wrote:
My phrasing of this question may be lacking in clarity so ... Is a 24/7/365 life of anything desirable? Would that not lessen the intensity and, thus, the pleasures taken and make it mundane?

There is a big part of me that fully understands and agrees with Buffalo....... doesn't ANYTHING 24/7 365 days of the year eventually become mundane / boring??

BUT having said that....... and knowing myself as well as i do.. i have to say.. BDSM hasn't - after all these years - become boring.. there is always one more thing i want to try.. one more limit to push.. the very act .. or need to push those limits can become addictive... as much as - or more than - the endorphin rush.

Sometimes i let that need.. that desire.. rule my mind and my life.. i want it all and i want it NOW! i find myself looking ahead at the weekends.. at the activities that are planned and wishing Sir and i could just lock ourselves away for those precious 48 hours or so we have together.. It just isn't enough time !!! And that need/desire has been my undoing. It has made me cranky and irritable and wishing for something more........ the simple protocols that we have aren't enough....... i realized i wanted the impossible dream........some fantasy life.

That is what is wrong.. allowing the fantasy of what could be.. ruin the moments that are. Once i had given myself a little attitude adjustment.. once i took a good hard look at myself and my desires.. and put my fantasies on the shelf where they belonged.. they can fuel my Fictional Journey .. not my REAL journey.... since then .. things have been rolling along smoother and i am a much happier more contented sub.........

It has nothing to do with 24/7 365.. it has a whole lot more to do with fantasy versus reality... i think.




and the second was my dear friend drakor who wrote:
My writings are of a perfect fantasy so it could be 24/7/365 but you and I know some components of life stop the possibility of what we want. In short first I would have to find a Dominant that is close to being evil hmmm well there goes that pipe dream (LOL).

AS far as the intensity buffalo, it is not all about the intensity it is more about the calm of slavery that attracts

now drakor.. dear friend........ i wonder why it is that female Dommes seem to be so... umm.. unevil?? i would love to have a female Domme comment on that.. because as you know .. i have to agree with you.. the Dommes we have seen together.. that you have experienced.. that we have watched together.. seem to leave something to be desired.

IF you did find an evil Domme drakor.. do you think that your fantasies would intimidate Her just a little?? Sometimes i think my fantasies/demands on Sir may have - not intimidated Him - but maybe stalled His creative thought process a little bit. A different type of performance anxiety. AND no matter how hard i try to rationalize it .. it is just a little bit like topping from the bottom....... i think.

But i do have to sort of disagree with you about the calmness of being a slave......... it is reassuring to turn over total control....... but isn't that more in fantasy land?? especially if the slave must work outside the house. IT is calming to know one's place.. but infrequency makes it difficult to find that calm place easily. And if the slave is always finding himself/herself dissatisfied with what the Dom/me is doing.. how evil they are or aren't... wishing and hoping for something that isn't .. how calm is that??

i prefer to say i enjoy the challenge of being a slave/submissive.... the anticipation.. and yes even the balancing act... which is quite truthfully .. anything but calming.. challenging maybe.. calming nope - not for me....

and for some reason..... after writing all these thoughts/words/ musings.. i have this song running through my head (NO Sir.. not Alice the Camel!!)

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, hes got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time your gettin low
stead of lettin go
Just remember that ant

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

when writer's block hits....

EUREKA !!! i have found the solution to "writer's block" (not that i suffer from that very much!!)

Just click on the pencil or paper below and have fun....... i have a feeling this "game" will be moved to the more appropriate blog The Fictional Journey.

adopt your own virtual pet!

And as i am away at meetings all day well into the night........ any more substantial entry will have to wait for another day........ but both drakor's comment and Buffalo's comment on...A Great Balancing Act.... made my brain start working again.. so there will be another post on intensity 24/7 365 pros and cons in a day or two........

life is a great balancing act.

i came to the realization a few weeks back, that i had to switch my priorities... the ones i had were skewered.

i had come to the realization that i had this fantasy land of BDSM in my scopes and it was what i was striving for... i had this long list of ideas/plans/fantasies that i wanted to experience/ live and it wasn't happening and i was getting VERY antsy.

My dear friend drakor has been writing about his ideal session.. his ideal Domme recently. It was his writings that made me realize i am not alone in this quest for some Utopian BDSM. It has been nagging at me most of this week. Mind you .. what drakor is seeking is a short term involvement with "no strings attached". A weekend or a week at best. Sir and i have been to a BDSM camp for a long weekend.. it was very easy to live D/s.... BDSM to the fullest when you are in the middle of nowhere land - with no obligations - no phones - no tvs - no computers.... just living for each other.

Is it easier to commit to a full time BDSM relationship when there are no other expectations or obligations?? The answer is YES..of course it is.. lose yourself in the wilderness with a whole group of other like minded people... BUT remember just beyond tomorrow the real world awaits again.....

And so .. for me.. life has become a great balancing act (to quote a favourite author) and in between Friday night canings.. and Saturday's chopsticks cutting into my private pink bits making me ache .... and long.. and wet.. and putty in Sir's hands.. there is Sunday Mother's Day.. and a host of other demands....... really what it all boils down to is..........
as Dr Seuss said:

So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that life’s a great balancing act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

teacher's pet

After a week of school... somehow it seemed so appropriate that Sir would decide to use the "canes" for our Friday evening session....... "teacher's pet" i call them.. the trio........

The top cane (looks like a regular cane) was purchased on a fun BDSM rally / treasure hunt that Sir and i organised a few years back. The goal was to follow a map that lead to a flea market..... once at the flee market the task was to find a BDSM pervertable toy for the lowest number of bucks. We found and purchased the walking cane......

This cane was used last night as an "attitude adjustment" .. i was wired from work.. a bit snarky - very tired.. and not so very submissive in mind set...... a dozen strikes with this cane put me quickly into my place..




The middle cane was something i heard about - long before we ever found one to purchase. On a chat program i used many years back, i sat in on a discussion between some BDSM folk from the Carolines (if memory serves me right) discussing the pros and cons of a "cane bundle". My curiosity was peaked and of course i had to ask what a cane bundle was.. and where i could find one !!! It was a few years later that a local craftsman listened to my description of cane bundles and created a prototype. Needless to say....i HAD to have one. It can be as sensual as Sir wants it to be...... or as wicked as He wants it to be.. i discovered the joys of both modes last evening...... the sensational use of the bundle had me wiggling my ass.. almost begging for Sir to .. ummm.. finish the job He started.. (and i am NOT talking about the caning!!) oh lord that cane bundle can get my blood pumping !!

Because i love this cane bundle so much .. and the work that went into it .. i took some close up shots of the important bits.........






And finally Sir's newest cane - what i call the School Master cane....... now this lil bugger stings like the devil. There is a method to caning.. one that has gone round the net and round the community forever.... i am not entirely sure if it is the correct method....... BUT let me describe it for you....... and believe me when i say.. it works for me !!

First - all swipes of the cane are done in sets of 6 - no more no less. (why i do NOT know!!)

Second - It is best to hit with the cane ...... let it rest against the hit mark for a fraction of a second then lift. What happens to the subbie is two fold...... the initial hit compresses the area (ouch ouch ouch)..... in that fraction of a second - the warning is made clear - when the cane is lifted off, the skin bounces back (in a manner of speaking) and the pain sears .... it much worse to handle than a wham bang thank you ma'am sort of hitting method... slow methodical .. sets of 6 ..




When Sir was finished caning me.. i was laughing and waving to my fairies ...... and not entirely focused on anything of consequence.. so when He gave me permission to leave the position.. i just kinda flopped down on my ass... i yelped.. my eyes bugged out .. and my ass ached........... ohhhhh what a glorious feeling.. what a glorious end to a teaching week!!!

baby steps..

Last night as i tried to find a cool spot in the bed - a breath of air - i wondered what the devil i did before Sir. Let me explain..........

When i first met Sir i could not .. under any circumstances ... be naked. i even wore a robe to go from my bedroom to the bathroom! Sir was bound and determined that if He taught me nothing else (remember this was in the beginning and it was not supposed to be a long term relationship !!) He was going to teach me how to be naked... naked as a jay bird.

i balked.. i screamed HARD LIMIT!!! Sir quietly and calmly replied "baby steps". So the first thing i HAD to do was learn to sleep naked... oh i could still put a robe on when i ran to the bathroom, but in bed... nothing.. zilch .. nada.. naked!

Slowly i progressed .. until i could walk around the top level of the house naked IF the blinds were closed. As i lay in bed last night remembering ... i remembered the night i was walking to the bathroom to have my nightly bubble bath. As i passed the "office" i noticed i hadn't closed the curtains. (Now to fully understand the impact of this story, you have to picture the windows in the office. They are NOT your typical bedroom window - small and squarish. No sirreee bob!! They are floor to ceiling windows. ) Completely forgetting that i was naked (wow!!!), i walked into the room and closed the first curtain. As i reached to close the second curtain, i realized to my shock and horror that i was standing .. framed in the window (light behind me) in all my glory!!! You never saw anyone dash behind a curtain as fast as i did !! and then try and reach across the expanse and manage to close the other curtain. i was horrified. It set my "naked training" back more than a few "baby steps" .. trust me !!!

And so as i lay sweating in the bed last night...... i had to wonder .. what did i do pre nakedness??? how in heaven's name did i ever sleep in pj's in such heat??!!! Oh .. Sir knows best.. and He has proven it more than once !!!

quickie

Sometimes.. all i have in me is a quickie (cheeky grin).. Today is one of those days...

First .. for those of you who showed an interest in the urls for the "subbie handbook" check out the links on the right side.. i have added a new section.. appropriately named.. "subbie handbook"...

Secondly.. i have managed to get myself in gear again and am back on the treadmill.. (here me groan??) and while i have been walking my way to boredom.. i have been watching one of my dvds on geisha....... why do i tell you that?? because i have posted some oriental pics to my Photo Journal (link also on the right hand side)

now i am off to twist and tie myself up in knots with my yoga........ and then hopefully outside.. to dig some winter out of a flower bed or two.......

Cabaret

Saturday evening (after my nail adventure of the afternoon) we had a cabaret to go to.. we didn't know what to expect from the evening.. it was a fund raiser for the 78th Fraser Highlanders.. and it was their first attempt at a cabaret. We weren't expecting much.. especially when we saw that "poetry reading" was part of the evening's entertainment........ BUT.. much to our surprise the evening was enjoyable.. cold.. god it was cold.. The event was held in the old powder house of our historic fort (powder as in gun powder). A while back the powder house had been turned into a quaint sort of theater - for live plays. i loved the thick stone walls and the narrow windows ... you could almost feel the history in the building. And after the show - walking back to "civilization" through the trees .. beside a stream.. one could almost imagine the pioneer days... feel them watching you..... it was a fun evening !!



a view from one of the windows in the theater lobby


the theater lobby.


This weekend was truly our very own cabaret - from hot wax and knives on Friday to the quirt on Saturday and the Grande Finale was being strung up from the chains on Sunday afternoon.
Whips and floggers and chains oh my !!!!

In the picture collage at the end of this post are just some of the toys that Sir used on me over the weekend (i was blind folded on Sunday so honestly truly i am not sure of all the toys.. ) BUT take a close look for the chain flogger.. Sir rarely if ever uses that toy on me.. it is kept in the freezer and is more a mind fuck than anything else.. (i do so HATE cold) ....apparently the chain flogger was left downstairs and was readily available to Sir. Though it wasn't frozen - it was ding dang cold (from the coolness of the basement i guess) Sir put the handle of the flogger between my legs.. used the chains to pull it tight into my private pink bits.... ohhh how i complained and whined and pouted and even .. i think.. stamped my foot... COLD is just so unfair !!! BUT that didn't deter Sir.. no sireeeee !! He got this wonderful idea .. (did i say wonderful??!!) to insert the handle of said chain flogger into my pussy... and i was told to hold it there and not let it drop.

Now ladies and gentleman...... picture this if you please.........

The handle is made of slippy acrylic.. it is freezing cold ... and inside me.. INSIDE i say !!.. then to make the challenge even more interesting.. Sir picked up some of the more evil toys we have and went to work on my ass.. the backs of my thighs and my breasts.

i didn't drop it......... i don't know how i didn't.. but i didn't. i cried when Sir removed it - why i am not entirely sure.... from relief i think. i hadn't dropped it. Of course i was thoroughly rewarded with a good fucking and orgasm by this same flogger ....

Yup..... Life IS a cabaret ole chum !!!

idle hands

(EDITOR'S NOTE: if you believe BDSM - or for that matter - LIFE - should always be serious and full of protocols and bowing and scraping then perhaps you should skip today's blog entry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My grandmother ALWAYS used to say "idle hands are the devil's play things" .... and looking back on this week.. she may just have been right........

It all started off innocent enough - honest it did !! i decided to 'organise' my bookmarks.. (i DO like things organized!!) and i was finding - as happens - that many of the urls i had were defunct..... and i was deleting them... i came to a folder in my favourite's list that was entitled "subbie handbook"... and i remembered the day i started that folder .. it was done as a very tongue in cheek project .. i was gonna collect every single humorous.. bad...bit of advise on the net .. compile it into some form of "subbie handbook" and print up a few and hand them out as gifts.. (ok ok questionable gifts.. maybe.. BUT if the Dom had a sense of humour...... it might have been funny right?? !!) And besides - trying to save my reputation and ass here.. i never actually did make up the book.. or give it to anyone !!!

Anywayyyyyyyyyy.. i was going through the links in that folder and finding a few defunct ones.. but i kept stumbling across the funny ones.. the ones that epitomized the whole raison d'être for the original idea......

i re-discovered:
* "Ten things you will never hear a sub say to her Master"
* "The S A M list"
* " BDSM lies"
* "Fifteen Rules I learned the hard way"

and of course the succinct
* "Ten ways to be a SAM"

Ok....... so now .. how does all this apply to the "idle hands" title .. well besides weeding out the defunct links.. some of the articles i read fed my.. ummm.. shall we say... over-imaginative mind...... my cheeky side.. my bratty side??


So that on Saturday afternoon when Sir told me to come and present myself for a good quirting.. (is that a word?? ) quirt = nasty whip thingy that is really truly used on horses' asses to make them run faster or jump higher - i call it a little attitude adjuster for horses.. BUT Sir calls it a toy........ (yeah right !! some "toy"!!)


Anyway.. i was bent over the chair and Sir was going at my ass in fine form.. when suddenly with no explanation i got this image in my mind from one of the links that i read this past week.. about putting on nail polish.......... well i looked at my nails and they were already nicely polished for the evenings outting....... but i did notice - between hits - that the cuticles and my hands in general were a little dry.. i got a terrible fit of the giggles - and not being entirely sure i could pull this off.. i said..
"STOP STOP.. wait a minute" in such a convincing tone that Sir stopped immediately and looked at me with that "what's wrong" look... the minute He stopped i knew i only had seconds to pull it off..

i jumped up and out of position and nearly ran to the hall table.. Sir is gaping at me.. and saying "what are YOU doing??!!" i open a drawer where i always keep vaseline (get your minds out of the gutter - i use vaseline on dry hands !!!) and proceeded to lather some vaseline onto my hands... i thought Sir was gonna explode!!! i didn't want to push it tooo far.. so i scurried back quick as can be and resumed the position.. explaining that while He had been quirting me.. i noticed that my hands were dry!! (said all innocent and angelic like) and i proceeded to work that vaseline in so nicely around my cuticles..

Can you imagine the quirting that followed???!!! i was hollering and yelping and grabbing my ass........ then i was hit with another terrible fit of the giggles... each time i grabbed my ass.. i was leaving vaseline hand prints .... now i can honestly avow to the fact that water/wet ass may hurt more than a dry one.. but trust me folks !!! vaseline on the ass is a kicker !!! and it doesn't evaporate - as Sir so nicely pointed out to me...........

yeah idle hands may just be the devil's play ground.. but play grounds are fun places too !!!

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(FINAL EDITOR'S NOTE: if you wish the links to any or all of these sites.. you will have to leave a comment asking for THEM!! i will not be blamed for polluting the minds of so many innocent - good - well behaved subbies!!! i will post the links - IF - i get any requests - at a later date!!)

by candlelight

i love candles......... love may be too mild a term to describe it.. maybe.. i am obsessed by candles!! every room in my house has at least ONE candle - they hang, they sit, they float, they are big, VERY big, they are small.. they are shaped like flowers, like bugs, like snowflakes.. they are blue, white, brown, green, they are scented and unscented....

My candle holders are nearly as unique as the candles they hold... i have oriental style holders, i have glass holders, i have wooden lantern type candle holders, i have brass holders, i have crystal holders, i have plates holding candles.

i am obsessed with candles.

BUT i have one set of candles that are hidden away....... i have one set of candles that i don't light regularily.. i have one set of candles that ONLY Sir lights. These candles were bought in a shop that specializes in sex toys and BDSM toys... These candles cost me almost an arm and a leg.. but they are as good as they are advertised to be. They create a steady flow of molten wax... a steady flow !!! no drip drip drip.. time to catch your breath between drips.. no sireeee these candles don't do that.. they pour molten wax each and every time........ AND they are hot!! it feels as though the skin is blistering underneath.. but it never does!! Even the black candle does NOT blister the skin (black is reported to be hotter than all other colours)


These candles do not have a fancy or cute candle holder.. not brass or crystal .. no these candles are put in a makeshift candle holder that will allow them to burn down without burning the Sir's hands. This candle holder allows Sir to rest between large patches of work (and much screaming and moaning from me)

AND these candles have not been used in a long long LONG time............until last night.

After Sir had his way with me in the kitchen while i was making dinner.. bent over the counter top.. wham bang thank you ma'am... all the while i am "bitching" i am not in the mood.. dry as a bone.. ouch ouch it hurts .. then of course leaving puddles on the floor falling into Sir's arms laughing and feeling owned and focused........ after that .. and after dinner Sir had me fetch the plastic drop cloth and the candle !!!

i almost skipped downstairs to fetch... memory playing tricks on me.. only allowing me to remember the warmth of the after glow.. not the burning of the initial session.. not remembering the cracking and peeling of the wax on delicate body parts, tugging on hairs... worse than any bandaide being ripped off..

Then i was lying on the floor at his feet....... and He had that evil smile....... holding the candle just above my ass... (He said we could start on the back and move around to the front) feeling the hot wax - not dripping - but pouring down my ass, between the cheeks making me gasp .. shriek.. kick my feet and yell .......... loudly. Himself enjoying the pretty patterns he was making down my back around my ass cheeks, down the crack. Me feeling for all the world like my skin was blistering and me imagining it turning black from severe burns.. wiggling and screeching and pleading...........

Then flip over.. and time to do the freshly shaved pussy area and breasts.. and oh my god it burned worse on the freshly shaved areas... the nipples screamed loud (no wait that was me screaming when the wax coated the nipples and clit )

Then it was over.. and i was trying to breath again.. so sure i was blistered and burned .. and then .. the KNIFE..


the weight of this knife is enough to puncture skin.. this knife is sharp enough to slice off a layer of skin without any effort....... this knife scares me to death.. and it is always this knife that is brought down to remove the wax.

Sir takes his time.. slowly methodically removing the wax from my body.. from my most delicate bits .. reminding me not to wiggle too much.. not to move too much.. "don't breath or cough" so i don't lose a nipple or clit..

Slowly and methodically the wax is peeled from skin and dropped onto the plastic drop cloth..... my body is relaxing into the welts the knife is raising down my back....... Sir spreads my ass cheeks to make sure he gets every little bit of wax........ and i purr.. much like one of my cats......... i purr with contentment.

And all is well with the world on this friday night.

pick your battles..

First off i have to say.. i was more or less raised by a grandmother who believed in fortune telling, tea leaves, and a whole mess of other superstitious things. i have discovered that *this* 21st century woman (ME for heaven's sakes!) has internalized a couple of her superstitions - along with some of her other more conventional qualities.

i love my horoscope. i have a wee calendar on my desk that gives me my daily reading. Most of the time i have to admit, i scowl at the day's reading.. tear it off and toss it. BUT after a week of disagreements at work (hells bells more like a career full of disagreements) this mornings reading made me laugh......

It said: "pick your battles wisely. Your preferred approach to a situation and someone else's preferred approach to a situation are probably not in the same library, let alone on the same page"

How true that is !!! Sometimes i need to be reminded of that fact. i have come to learn that i approach situations very differently than many others. i also tend to believe in social traits that are "old fashioned" and i guess by other's standards out of date - like showing respect .. or sitting quietly during a meeting, listening.

Anyway.. i don't wish to get into the disagreements i have had / endured this week at work.. i have been thinking about my scorpio personality... we are - apparently - and if you believe in this sort of thing......

Determined, forceful, emotional, intuitive, powerful, passionate, exciting, and Magnetic
Jealous, resentful, compulsive, obsessive, secretive, and obstinate. i can see my Sir sitting there nodding in agreement and probably saying "she is all that and more!!"

BUT i have learned over time.. over years... that if i hold true to my beliefs.. that eventually others do come to see at least some of the value in what i say..... i guess they finally get to the right library - maybe still not on the same page.. but at least are in the same building !!!

lotus blossom

My friend Cloud wrote a blog the other day about honour. It was a good post... a theme he often visits. Cloud is an honourable man .. an honourable Dom. We often share some stimulating conversations - especially on a summer's evening at an outdoor cafe sipping coffee.

In his post about "honour" he related this story:
"a story related to me many years ago of a Japanese warrior sitting in the middle of the aftermath of a battle with comrades and enemies strewn about him , his concentration was not on his wounds but that a lotus blossom had survived the carnage"

Then he speculated what the warrior had been thinking........ i haven't been able to get the imagery out of my mind.


The warrior is a fearful image...... in full battle regalia

and the lotus blossom is delicate and fragile....

Absolutely no match for his strength or power.........



It amazes me that the warrior would have even taken time to notice the lotus blossom - never mind study it. His adrenaline must have been roaring through his veins..... heart pounding... wounds throbbing. And yet .. he studied the lotus blossom.......

Yes indeed - what thoughts would have crossed his mind???

i would like to think that his breath would have caught in his throat... the beauty of this one delicate blossom touching something deep inside of him.. perhaps reminding him of a loved one at home... perhaps something more........ Perhaps it was a lesson to him on how Might does not always rule the day..... that sometimes a delicate touch or a soft word can do more than all the swords.. all the fire power.. that man has at his disposal.

Perhaps .. just maybe.. it was a sign to him that life and beauty survive the test of war and time... and will always be everlasting, if one only looks and sees.

new story

For those of you who missed the announcement ..

there is a new story posted on the Fictional Journey - see the link at the right.