Safe Sane and Consensual....

This posting today may not be politically correct... it might even take on a bit of a rant quality.... You have been warned !!!

i read a posting from a list i am on...from a "newish" Dominant who was rambling on a bit about the BDSM lifestyle and how some of what He sees is not His kink - fine and good ! More power to Ya i say........ However He finished up by saying "as long as everything one does is "safe sane and consensual" ...... and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.........

Who got to define what is "safe" and "sane" for me?? The last time i looked that was Sir.. no one else.... Come on now folks.. let's take a little look at what we do and ask ourselves just how "safe and sane" it really is..........

fire play - oh yeah now that is really safe.. pouring alchol on our bodies and lighting it with a match - now that is really safe and most definitely sane !!!

needle play - yup.. sticking needles into various body parts is most definitely safe and sane....... yup yup yup!

electricity play ... now that one's a real winner for the "safe and sane" award isn't it?? tie one subbie down.... and apply electricity to various body parts .. especially the private parts....... hand that Dom the safe and sane award please..

breath play ........ oh yeah.. second runner up for that award.. tie up subbie .. maybe even fuck her to keep it interesting.. all the while you prevent her from breathing........ only allowing air just before she passes out.. or after.. if you are into the real extreme edge breath play......

Personally i believe the "safe and sane" philosophy came about to protect newbies... keep 'em away from the dangerous toys/games until they were ready (and yeah .. some of them are never ready.. ) much like we protect our children.. we don't hand kids matches and encourage them to play with fire do we??

AND i do believe i have found the reason i find public play and BDSM clubs so boring .. (at least here in my part of the Great White North)... at most of the BDSM clubs .. it is a stand and show theme.. everyone gets dressed up in their BDSM finery and stand around talking about BDSM... everyone ooooh's and ahhhh's over the outfits and everyone goes home happy. At the public play parties the most i have seen is some tied to a cross or spanking bench and receiving maybe 10 or 15 minutes of flogging or hand spanking...... a far cry from the more extreme "sports" .. and everyone oooohs and ahhhhhhhhs over the play. i suspect that many into the more extreme edge play do not frequent public play parties .. and if they do.. it is for the social interaction more than the play action.

Maybe this "safe and sane" philosophy helps the ones who aren't into edge play to point fingers and question how safe and sane So and So is?? Maybe it helps them feel superior?? Maybe it helps subbies who want a black list of Doms who don't play safe and sane...

But for me at least, "safe and sane" is not in the equation anymore..... if Sir declares He wishes to try something .. then i MUST trust that He has researched all facets of the play.. has learned the dangers.. and that above all else He will keep me safe... safe by OUR definition ..not some entity "out there" somewhere.......

Starting again...

When i experience a session as i did on Saturday it seems to empty me... and i don't know where to start again.........

i have read the comments and they touched me.... and i thought i should answer them.. but there were no words in my emptiness.... Today Jo asked me some questions about Saturday .. and they have been echoing in my mind... stirring me to write again.... maybe to open up the blinds i closed on Saturday and peek a little more into the session..........

Jo asked:
Is it satisfying for you? Is it something you like to experiment?? And if not, what is the substitut you love enough to 'endure' that...???

i think i understand what she was asking...... and i will try to answer ...... if i am off base please tell me Jo.........

Was Saturday satisfying for me........ YES..... in a very strange and weird way it was. The session was not about my needs or wants.. it was about Sir. BUT more than that... it was an attitude adjustment.. i had been wicked and wild and rude to Sir (i am embarassed to admit it publically - but i was) If Sir had not done an "attitude adjustment" things would not have improved.. i would have felt .. for lack of a better word .. powerful... and i do not wish to be powerful... i do not exist to be powerful.. in fact power makes me very uncomfortable and very cranky and just a little bit scared.

Is it something i like to experience (i think that is what you meant Jo??) YES........ because somedays .... things spiral out of control and i feel like i am tossing in the wind.... i need that attitude adjustment to bring me back to reality.. to anchor me and help me feel safe.... the best example i can give (and yeah i have probably given it before) is a child who is living with no fences.. no boundaries... they can go where they want.. do what they want... and it scares them to death .. to feel safe they need the fences and the boundaries .. that is when they feel the most loved and cared for.. and secure.

If not what is the substitute you love enough to endure that??? As much as i answered YES to the previous question.. the answer was also NO....... i don't think anyone loves to have pain that cuts to their very soul.........there were no soft touches.. no caresses .. no loving words during the session.......... it was an attitude adjustment .. and i knew it.. felt it deep inside of me.. and that hurt more than the whips and floggers and canes. i do not substitute anything to help me endure it. NOTHING. i let myself be emptied......... left empty .... until once again i am ready to be open and allow the goodness that is my relationship with Sir to fill me again....... to know Sir loves/cares for me enough to correct my bad behaviours is worth the "enduring".........

(i have posted a little something to the photojournal - for those of you who are interested)

Enduring

i have been thinking about this blog entry since yesterday afternoon......... how do i explain in words what happened.. how it felt... where i went???

It all started off pretty much the same way... "downstairs" and then "strip" were the orders from Sir.. and i was hung from the chains in the play room........ BUT there was something very different this time.. there was a a "hardness" (for lack of a better word) about Sir ... the mood set by Sir did not allow for any cheekiness.. for any stamping feet.. for any of kaya's cheeky safe words... i knew as the first flogger hit that this session was going to be hard.. and it was gonna hurt.. and just as quickly as i knew that.. i felt the tears come...

Most sessions are not easy - do not get me wrong. i love pain.. and i love lots of it.. in many different forms....... but there was yesterday a harsh mental pain that came - not from the toys - but from Sir... and i felt myself slipping .... but slipping from where to where i can not tell you.. just slipping..

i was only to endure .. the sting of a thousand bees flogger... the leather "hurts like hell" toy from Helmut... the whippy.. then the snake whip... i could feel it slicing across my ass... it felt as though the very skin was being neatly and methodically cut from my body... not just my ass either.. but my legs.. my thighs.. wrapping toys that caught my nipples.. my belly button.. even the side of my face (as my head dropped) ..... it didn't matter what .. or where.. i was only to endure..

And i remember .. not the colours i usually experience.. the joy.. the euphoria.. no this time i felt .. yes felt ! a blackness surround me .. envelope me.. as each toy bit into my skin...... then when the burning was so hot it felt cold.. there was a brightness that was blinding... slowly cascading down in front of my eyes.... and still it continued... burning cold .. darkness swirling.. brightness blinding.......... and then faintly i heard an "oops" for Sir.. and watched as He moved - in almost slow motion - to the paper towels left for clean up.. tear off a piece and wipe my ass.. i heard Him say in a dead quiet voice 'you are bleeding' and then it all started again.. with new toys.. with the cane and the leather tawse.. and more wiping of blood.. and start again..

and then it was over.. and i was left to hang from the chains .. no hugs.. no release.. just hang .. in the darkness.. experience the cold shivery body.. the aching shoulders.. the burning stripes over my body........

and while i was hanging.. i kept thinking about something i had read from some Dominants blog.. about subspace and subdrop being flawed terms.. that they are nothing more then "sexual space and sexual drop"....... and i kept shaking my head thinking THIS has nothing to do with sex.. or the warm fuzzy feelings that remain after sex... this has to do with pain.. the desire to give it.. the need to receive it.. to endure it...

no fairies came to take me dancing.. only hot cold pain.. dripping nose.. dripping pussy.... pulsing aching ass.......... and the realization that some times.. you just gotta endure.

quiet submission

i was looking through some pictures this morning - to post to the photojournal (and yes i HAVE posted to my photojournal) and i started to think about how sometimes being submissive just means being quiet.

i know i am heading into a quiet stage.. probably because of the confusion and noise and hyperactivity i am living through this week... (oh hell that i have been living through this past month!!!) i want nothing more than to curl up quietly at my Sir's feet and meditate on the quietness... i find my focus/my center as much in the quiet moments as in the moments hanging from the chains ......... maybe more so.

But i was also thinking of the quiet boiling lust that always bubbles just below the surface.. even in my most quiet moments. It is not just a lust for sex.. it is a lust for pain.. for serving.. for just plain living.......... a lust for life! my choice of life .......

kaya was talking in her latest blog about "snap and point" how she has struggled with hand signals making her feel like her Master's dog. And i smiled - because one of the first things Sir taught me was to respond to hand signals... "come" "sit" "fetch" .. i don't always "get" them .. sometimes my mind is whirling away and i miss the subtle signal...but in my quiet times.. when i am centered .. the quiet hand signals stroke my soul and help me stay centered/focused.

i know a lot of submissives/slaves are on voice restrictions (now that can mean many different things .. depending on the relationship... depending on the couple) but for me it would mean that i would be quiet.. speaking only when it is absolutely necessary.. and then only softly.. words barely causing a ripple in the air... even in a session .. i would want to be gagged tightly so that i wouldn't make a sound...... wouldn't disturb the quiet stillness of the air.. of the mood......... hearing just the whoop and swish and crack of the toys....

quiet submission - i am ready for some of that .......... i am ready for some quiet centered stillness in my life............

Questionable photo ops

Anyone remember the original chopstick blog entry - where i talked about how Sir had to have all these different coloured chopsticks - BECAUSE - it would be such a great photo opportunity??

Well last week .. i am in the dollar store and i come across these clamps - remember the two black ones i brought home from work a while back??? Anyway.. i saw these coloured clamps (Sir has informed me they are called "bull dogs") and i decided as a "JOKE" i would buy a package of the multi coloured ones.... and give them to Sir making a crack about photo ops....... clever subbie right?? cute idea right??? shoot me now !!!

When i gave them to Sir on Friday He sorta kinda maybe laughed.. and i thought to myself "ok ok it was my idea of a joke..and obviously wasn't all that funny"
Well fast forward to Saturday evening, play party, and Sir wanting to get the ball moving ...... "Fetch the clamps" was the order... and i distinctly remember thinking "the clamps??!!! You mean the JOKE???!!" yup He meant the joke.. the clamps.. the bull dogs.... two on each pussy lip.. two on each breast.. and then i was sent to give a tour of the play areas with a couple of newbies.... Now i ask you!!! how did Sir expect me to walk up and down the stairs with this metal clips clanging against each other????
Sir also decided to take pictures of these clamps .... on my pussy .. on my breasts....
Now fast forward again to Sunday morning.. and Sir reviewing the pictures.. and alas alack!!! They were blurred. "Gotta do them again " Sir announces.. and i am thinking.. WHY????!!!!!

Well i believe i had 4 of those bull dogs clamped to my pussy lips.... and the rest clamped around my breast. Then Sir removed the four from the pussy and put them around the breasts.. All in the name of "photo op"!!!! Remind me to never ever again .. jokingly or seriously .. come up with an idea for a "photo op" ok????

Quite seriously .. the putting on.. the walking around with them on.. the breathing with them on.. was nothing - nothing i say !! .. compared to the taking off............. Anyone who thinks that these cute lil colourful bull dogs don't have much bite........... examine this picture.. one off.. one to go.... subbie holding breath..........

Busy Weekend

The weekend is absolutely flying by..... lots of busy times .. and hardly time to catch my breath (or do the weekend chores like laundry)..........

Yesterday was Sir's barbque and play party ...... which meant i was busy busy busy getting the house organised... turning mundane everyday spaces (like a dining room and kitchen) into a reasonable facsimile of a play space..... and of course organising the play spaces downstairs ........... it seemed to be a morning of hustle and bustle and to-do lists to be checked and rechecked.... and i was fusing and fuming over getting everything ready.. picture perfect ready so that Sir would be pleased......

The interesting thing to me today is the overall picture of the event is really a blurry picture of my whirling dervish imitation..... except for one brief moment about 30 minutes before the guests arrived....

Sir had brought up the spanking bench...........

my most dreaded and hated piece of equipment.......... i always feel awkward on it.. exposed on it.. uncomfortable on it... i just dread it.. i had rearranged the placement of dining room furniture and the spanking bench was placed in the center of the room...... i realized that even in my whirling dervish mode i still gave the bench a wide berth when passing it !!

But one quick pass .. didn't quite go the way i expected... i had just come up even with it when i felt Sir's hand grabbing hold of my arm.... while the other hand pushed firmly on my back, causing me to lay down the length of it...... i heard myself protesting...... But Sir was ignoring my words and pushing my legs apart and pulling my ass down a bit towards Him .. so that i was open and available... my hands were gripping the edges and i put my head down.. holding my breath .. thinking to myself i can NOT do this spanking bench .. can't.. won't .. don't even try it !!! When i felt Sir's hand pushing against my pussy.. demanding entrance...... i whined and pouted and pointed out to Sir that i was dry (and i thought to myself - "do NOT have time for this!!") and there was no way His hand was going to go in............. (yeah right !!! silly subbie) Next thing i knew Sir was fucking away .. and i could feel the soft spot inside between stimulated and teased... Sir was coaxing my body to relax and listen to the rhythm of His hand..............

know what the most embarassing sounds are ?? (well in my mind anyway) It is the slurping sloshing sound of the wetness spilling out and around ... and Sir's voice whispering in my ear " Sooooooooooo... do you still think you are dry??" and my begging Sir for permission to cum ... and then.......... then squirting, wet, slurping, sloshing, dripping, sticky, musky scent filling the air as i cum and cum and cum.......... and oh yeah..... one more thing to add to the to-do list... wash the dining room floor and spanking bench........

now .. i have an 'appointment' with some clamps (remember those office clamps i brought home??? ) and tomorrow i will write about another of my silly subbie inspirations ... complete with pictures ..................

Sir

i was trying to think what to call this blog entry.. and i realized "Sir" is the most appropriate because this is entry is all about the kind of Sir this man is...........

if you read Wednesday's question blog.. you know i was struggling with feelings of inadequacy and feelings of failure... i received wonderful comments and emails ... and i have to thank everyone for their support and kind words.....

i have been feeling very much like one of Hasbro's weebles recently..... thinking about Sir's needs and how to fulfill them.. knowing in my heart of hearts that it was gonna mean another submissive....... and when that thought would formulate i would wobble over on my side....

i didn't think Sir was aware of my wobbling..... BUT in His quiet unobtrusive way He knew... yesterday Sir phoned me at work.... (it had been Kid's Day at school and meant a hectic wild day - but specifically lunch hour for me) and Sir called just as i was finishing up my lunch break to check and see how i was... on the drive home i felt all warm and fuzzy .. Sir had shown me ..with a simple phone call .. that i was important to Him....... important enough that during the phone call He laid down tasks for me to do when i got home.. it didn't matter i was dead tired.. or sun burned (yeah yeah - blond hair fair skinned and i still need to have ONE sunburn each season to remember hats and sun block .. sigh!!!) i didn't want to do those tasks... i was tired and sulky ... but i did them !! cause it just felt right.. it was all part of Sir's plan to right the "weeble"........

Then He had left a very clear comment on that question blog... pointe finale ! i have not failed Him........

Then He called me before bed.. when He got home from work...... just to check and see if the tasks were done.. (and more importantly .. to see how i WAS...... ) quietly working His righting process...

Sir can be soft and gentle - The GOS (good old Sir) that we all tease Him about.... when He needs to be .. gentling righting His wobbling subbie.. He can be a stern task Master when i am flippant and bratty... demanding obedience....... with a tug on my hair or a tug on my heart He can pull me to Him and hold me safe.......

i am a very lucky submissive to be collared to such a Man !!!

Question

i have a question...... a BIG one........

what happens when as a submissive/slave you feel you are not meeting the needs of your Sir??? what happens when the day comes that your Sir/Master needs another submissive to fulfill those needs??

i fear that day has come for me and Sir...... i was suspicious before .. but now i know... there are things i can not do for Sir.. (and by can not i do not mean hard limit - i mean physically can NOT do.........) as a good submissive i must give my Sir what it is He needs......right?? aren't i supposed to do that??

BUT what do i do while they play?? do i sit and watch .. hands folded neatly in my lap??

what do YOU do.. what did YOU do.. if this situation happened in your relationship???? there just isn't any "google" answer for this one......

and how do you keep from feeling like you have somehow failed.........

Sunnyday

Sunday dawned cloudy and cold and i really was gritting my teeth to get through the weekend without taking Sir's head off in an un-subbie like tantrum...

We got organised and headed off to see the RCMP Musical ride........the wind was blowing a gale....... i swore it was cold enough to snow........ and the field where the Ride was to take place was literally a bog!!! i managed to slide in the mud and fall on my ass.. most undignified !!! Sir climbed the bleachers to the very top with me trudging along behind Him with my heart pounding........ (i am absolutely TERRIFIED of heights!!) Sir tried to get me to move into the seats.. but my feet just wouldn't move.. i kept looking down through the gap in the boards .. and could not move... He moved down one row.. still i couldn't move.. another row.. and finally down three rows and Sir would not take no for an answer.. so i gulped and tentatively stepped onto the board and edged my way along.. praying that the whole contraption wouldn't collapse. It was well worth the cold... the fall.. and the climb......... the Musical Ride was amazing !! Sir honestly thought i only went along to please Him.. (despite Rule #1 - the Dom is never wrong.. Sir was wrong this time!!!) And to make the event even more pleasant the sun came out for the hour we were there (and i have the sun burn to prove it !!)

Now i am not entirely sure what happened.. but the weekend that was cold and wet and dull.. was starting to sparkle ..........
maybe it was the fresh air..
maybe it was all those horses........
maybe it was all those whips........ (ok ok so there weren't any whips...but horses and whips do go together no??)
But when we were driving home Sir announced that as soon as we got home it was down to the playroom for me.. He was in need of a good session........ (HE was in need of?? god so was i !!)

The whip came out first.. which is why i think there was some connection between the horses and the session........ Sir almost never starts with a whip.... and Sir decided that it would be fun to try a little target practice on my breasts with the whip....... i was so scared the damn thing would cut across my face.. but of course it didn't !! Sir did manage to land a couple of hits dead on on my poor nipples........... i really do have to remind Sir that my breasts aren't supposed to be flogged or whipped or have anything painful done to them.......... geeeeeeeeez.. it's only supposed to happen when i am in the mood.. isn't it???

Then there were at least 3 floggers used.. especially the one that stings like a thousand bees....... then both tawses.... ugh both !!!......... and the cane.. and the whip again....... and then Sir whispered in my ear and reminded me it had been ages since the paddle had been used......... i just nodded in agreement........ there comes a point in time when there are no words in my head.. well no intelligent words ..............

and so it happened that the weekend turned out well......... there were no nasty unsubbie like tantrums.... (unless you can count my stamping my foot over having my breasts whipped) ....... and as with all "fairy" tales .. they all lived happily ever after!!!

Coming Soon...

i had this wonderful post all ready for today....... about Sunday and how the sun came out.. and how Sir and i went to see the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police - for those that don't know) Musical Ride... BUT i can't find the pictures that Sir "said" He uploaded to my pc (devilish grin).... and so until He tells me WHERE He hid them.. You will just have to be content to know the sun came out on Sunday............ and details are coming soon....

(however to keep you amused until then........i have posted some pictures to the photojournal)

Maybe

Maybe ........... it's because of the rain.............
Maybe .......... it's because of the west side story gangs in my school yard........... Maybe .......... it's because of my clown of a principal.............. Maybe ........... it's because i desperately need my summer break.......

whatever the reason.. whatever the cause... it is taking all my perseverance to be a good subbie........ without a pout .. without a whine..

thoughts on humiliation

i was joking recently at a munch with drakor that he and i should write a handbook for Doms (both male and female) with hints on how to humiliate.. suggestions for potential scenes etc.... it actually came up again in the comment section of his blog..... my Sir daring me (sort of) to start up such a handbook..........

i have subbed beside drakor long enough - through more than one female Dom of his - to notice a strong similarity between their methods. (i am not into humiliation - not really - and so it is something Sir rarely if ever uses) i have noticed that publically anyway.... it would appear that female Dommes tend to use humiliation to play with their male subs. Now it may very well be that is exactly what turns their crank........ BUT i am amazed at the repetition of the scenes.

A couple of years back there was some teasing again at a munch between drakor and a couple of Fem Dommes... They were talking about dressing him up in a pink ballet tutu......

drakor smiled and joked.. but i got the feeling he wasn't all that embarassed by the idea........ i have watched as Fem Dommes have dressed him up in pink frilly panties..

and i have watched him carry himself proudly .. in front of strangers even........ and it nagged at me.... this was a proud man.. and still the pink panty routine did not phase him in the least.

Humiliation is a difficult scene to produce.... i believe the Master/Mistress has to really know their subs/slaves.. they have to listen to them (not just hear them) they have to be able to read between the lines.. they have to find that one weak spot no matter how small and hone in on it...........

i do believe i have found drakor's weak spot ...... for any of his Dommes that read here!!! (devilish grin) and it came from reading his stories.. from reading his body language.. from listening (not just hearing but really listening to him talk and describe things) .. it is not women's underwear or clothing.. it is his male ego..... his submissive/slave ego that is his weak spot. Humiliation for drakor (and i am going out on a bit of limb here) is being used and abused ... it is being ignored when not in use.. it is being simply a "thing"...... of being treated as though he has not much value.... it is gagging him (mentally and physically ) so that he can not offer any opinion.. not use his words to play with the Dommes.... to "mind fuck" Them........ it is being a THING.. nothing more .. nothing less....

Humiliation is a mind game...... and to play it one must be very good at reading other people.. of finding their weak spots.. of knowing which weak spot to use and which to cherish ......... hitting the wrong one can cause immense damage.. hitting the right one can cause immense satisfaction and pleasure for all who participate.........

Because

Because Sir said: "anna...you should have seen the pic that showed the indentation left by the clips it was even better.."

And because kaya asked "Do we get to see the other one, please? Pretty please?~kaya "

i will post the two pictures i have that Sir took of the marks .......... BUT .. don't blame me if you can't really see the marks..... unfortunately the pictures are a little blurry....... welllll come on.. it was really hard to hold still while Sir shot pictures .. i wanted to rub and rub and rub !!!!

Wondering..

Have you ever done something and asked yourself afterwards WHY???
i do that more times than i care to admit. This weekend was no exception....

Sometime last week .. when i was hunting for something or other in my desk at work... i spotted two paper clips in my drawer that got me to wondering what they would feel like clamped to my pussy...... At the time i thought "now where did THAT idea come from??" and then just as quickly moved on to what i was doing. But on Friday afternoon as i was leaving for the weekend - i scooped up the two clips and brought them home. Now these are not normal paper clips - they are designed to hold a mess of papers tightly together..

Now it wasn't bad enough i brought the above mentioned clips home.. i told Sir i had brought them home !!! Sometime Saturday afternoon Sir ordered me to bring Him the clips........ the look of glee on His face was something to behold... Immediately He ordered me to lie down and "spread 'em"... Now this fun little fantasy i had had all week over these two clips was about to become reality.. and truthfully i wasn't all that sure i was ready for that !!! Sir had just finished shaving me and liberally applying the Gold Bond Medicated powder (which in and of itself is quite a sensation!! and also explains what the white powder is in the picture below)..... He firmly grasped first one lip - applied clip - grasped the other lip and applied the final clip. Talk about your instant burn !!! i closed my eyes and just went with the feelings........ i loved it! i can not deny it.. it was an amazing wonderful feeling. Even the removal was something i will remember for a long time.. one of those "oh my god mother blankety blank blank that hurts so good!!!" feelings.

But it all leaves me wondering what made me even think about perverting these clips .............. and what other secret joys lie hiding in my desk..........

a little sexy fantasy....

i just finished reading "Emma's Secret Diaries" - oh it is a bit of fluff really... but parts of it were so ... umm.. arousing (to me anyway!!) Cloud had asked me which part was my favourite and i didn't answer him because i was already planning out a blog post on the subject.........
And so for your reading pleasure...... here are my thoughts on a very small portion of this book:

".. i was kneeling naked on the bottom edge of a large bed ... the other girl was kneeling naked beside me. Our wrists were fastened half way up the bed poles so that our arms were stretched out. A bit had been forced into our mouths and was held there by a strap fastened at the back of our necks. Two big bit rings at the corners of our mouths linked the bits and the straps. Also attached to the rings were braided leather reigns that led back to the small of our back. These leather straps could be pulled and make us raise the back of our heads, pull back our shoulders, dip our waists and push back and raise our buttocks.
Another pole, almost on the edge of the bed, had been fastened behind our knees, holding them quite still and keeping our buttocks raised over the edge of the bed.
My right ankle and the other girl's left one were tied to a strap at the end of the pole that ran behind our knees. Our buttocks were thus forcedly held apart. "

i looked and looked for a picture that would come close to depicting that scene...... the closest i came was this one:

trust me when i say this very position conjures up all sorts of wonderful images for me. i believe it is the feeling of vulnerability .. of the total exposure. i have spent many a night this past week fantasizing about being tied to the bed in such a fashion... forced up and open and waiting....... i close my eyes and can see myself in such a position with Sir standing just behind me cane in hand... my mouth gagged so He does not have to listen to my whining and pleading ....... everything there for His taking .... i can even see the "toys" lined up on the table.. from the smallest vibrator to the biggest.. from the smallest butt plug to the biggest

(have i ever mentioned i HATE plugs.. run screaming every time they are mentioned.. and for some reason if and when Sir does use even the smallest one on me i cringe and cry and act like such a "virgin" for lack of a better term.. and yet here i am daydreaming about being bound and all manner of toys being used on me.. including the dreaded butt plug........ now i ask you.. what IS that about??!!!)

i can see Sir using the cane or the flogger or the snake whip on my ass.. stopping only long enough to bring me to orgasm - denying it - and returning to the beating... and then once i am flying.... out there on the edge.. feeling Sir lubing me up.. feeling the butt plug sliding in .. twisting and turning until it is firmly embedded in me.. feeling the vibrator being inserted... turned on.. feeling the intense heat building inside my belly.... wanting /needing / begging through the gag to cum.......... being denied... and feeling the cane fall again and again across my ass and tops of my thighs.......

Well i am sure you all get the picture.........and that dear Cloud was my favourite bit of the book !!!!