Monday, August 22, 2016

Vanilla



My youngest daughter arranged a rather impromptu trip to visit me this weekend... well really just a day - she and the grandkids arrived Friday at dinner and left Saturday just after noon...... 

I was excited she was coming -- and it was a great visit -- we went out to dinner on Friday then watched "The Good Dinosaur".  The 3 boys slept in my room - 2 in the bed and one on the floor, my daughter was in the guest room and I slept on the sofa (or tried to)

Saturday I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast -- we packed up the cars and went off to the beach............. Around 2ish I waved goodbye to them as they took the ramp heading east ....... and I took the ramp heading west .......... 

This weekend should have left me feeling happy and contented -- but it didn't really.  You see -- it has been over a year since my daughter came to visit me. This was the first time she saw my new home. That has really torn my heart out.  It's hard to put words to what I have been feeling.  I do know this weekend hasn't 'fixed' anything.. and a big part of me thinks that was probably the only visit she will ever make here -- at least while I am alive.

And that makes me very sad you know.

I was supposed to go to a munch on Saturday evening -- Hands messaged me and told me he wasn't going -- and that was the deciding factor for me -- I didn't go.  Maybe I should have -- cause it would have gotten me out of the very quiet apartment -- made me socialize with folks........... but I just curled up on the sofa feeling very sad and very alone.

If my kids don't have time for me -- why should anyone else ya know??
Negative negative thoughts going round and round in my head. 

BUT

I'll be ok in a day or two.  I am always ok.

3 comments:

Lucinda said...

(((hugs)))

His slut said...

I had a really rough Saturday too, feeling very alone. I think there was some bad juju rolling around the atmosphere or something. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Your not the only one................... every day just alone and silence. I feel for you.

John