Friday, February 19, 2016

Polyamory







Many - MANY - years ago when W and drakor and I used to have our friday afternoon coffee meets - one of the things the 2 Doms in my life used to debate with me was why it was ok for a Dom to have more than one sub - but not ok for the sub to have more than one Dom.

It used to make my blood boil.  

Their argument was that a Dom would have more needs than one sub was able to fulfill... and my argument back was a sub would/could have more needs than one Dom was able to fulfill.

It was a bit like arguing the theory of "How many angels dance on the head of a pin"

Fast forward to today - to the here and now - to me trying to figure out what will work for me now.

I have dated and played with more than a few people in the last few months/weeks.  It's been fun - I have felt a bit like a kid in a candy store.  (Once I got past the angst of wondering if I was some sort of slut)

And as much as I would love to have one person who can fulfill all my needs (see yesterdays "On Feeling Invisible") I know that's probably not in the cards for me - at least not right now.

Where am I going with this??? 

To be honest I am not quite sure.  I met someone a month or so back who was quite clear that he wanted to be perhaps "poly" (perhaps - I think - because all the terms seemed pretty new to him)  We hit if off and saw each other a few times and had some good fun!!  We have plans to see one another again.

In the meantime was I supposed to sit home and wait for the next encounter??? Part of me really thought so........ the old me - the monogamous me.

BUT it looked too much like what I had come from - me sitting home being the good lil girl waiting for HIM to show up.......... (shaking head) and I knew that wasn't gonna work

And besides I still had others chatting me up and wanting to meet me and wanting to go out with me or wanting to play with me.

I was really conflicted.

Ok not THAT conflicted - I continued to go out and meet people and even play with a few of them...... and in the process have whittled the list of "maybes" down to a couple of good possibilities.

Now here is my dilemma.   What label do I put on these two (possible) relationships?? 

Is it poly?
I don't think so.  In my experience a poly relationship has 1) there is a primary couple 2) honest communication  3) and the primary couple and the "others" seem to know OF one another if not actually know one another.

Is it non-monogamous?
Again I don't think it is........ because again - the one feature that non-monogamy seems to have is a "primary" relationship. BUT the different partners don't seem to HAVE to know  one another.

So what is it I seem to have stumbled on???   
 cause truthfully that is exactly what has happened - I just kind of stumbled on two people who fill 99% of my needs - very different needs.

Does this "thing" I am developing - have to have a name or label?? Maybe not.
BUT I would like some truthfulness.  I do not do lie - and get real pissy if I feel like I am being lied to!  (and not telling is the same as lying in my books)

 Wouldn't life be better if we could be honest and say "I really enjoy the (blank) that we have together - but I am seeing other people who give me (blank) which you do not. "

That would be the honest thing to do wouldn't it?

Maybe there's no label for what I am heading into............ if you know of one please - PLEASE - share with me.  (I do like things neatly organised and named)

 

 

3 comments:

AngelsQuest said...

Does a poly person stop being poly when they don't have a "main" relationship? I don't think so.

This is something new for you, create what you want. Be clear about what you expect and what you will give in return.

But yeah...I think it's poly.

Anonymous said...

It's poly. Both are long term relationships. One need not be primary. In polygamy, for instance, even if one wife was the first, the others are usually still equal and receive equal rights and time, etc. And they often live in their own houses.

And it's good if they both know, unless it's agreed between you and each one that your relationship is open. In which case, you each get to do whatever within your rules together without disclosure, unless disclosure is an agreed upon parameter.

Lilac said...

I think that everything is possible in life. Wouldnt it be nice to have a daddy, a sadist and a master at the same time? That way, you'll get the best of everything from each and everyone of them. And if you also are into women, you can love them too.

Let yourself go and be free ! That's the most important thing in life. At least that's what I think. :)