Random thoughts on "growing pains"

I was given pause to think yesterday...... something someone said in a teasing way....... but still it tore at me a little bit inside.

It seems to me - that after all these years of repressing myself - oh hell repressing my sexuality ........ that I am a little consumed by this new me........... I have been trying - like testing the waters - a teasing sexual nature.  I think it stems from having the 'sexual me' embraced and coaxed and encouraged.

There are times I feel like I am getting carried away on a big wave of want/need/desire........ drowning in it........... 

AND then a teasing comment sets me back on my heels - and I wonder if I am playing a game I can't possibly win............ 

(again with the game and rules that I feel I don't know - and YES I read your comments - thank you - that most feel the same way - don't know the rules - but play anyway)

This transition is hard - I wonder if I am doing it "wrong" ....... and it scares me - worries me - I am hoping it is just "growing pains"