Sunday, October 03, 2010

new beginnings?


Over the last month or so Warren and I have been working on mending fences and becoming friends. We have had coffee dates, and dinner dates, and talking and talking - probably more than we talked in the last 3 years I was collared to him. We even struck up a deal to play together if/when we were at the same events.

I know some of you who read here.. who followed the nasty emotional break up... are probably sitting there staring at your computers wondering "WTF". I appreciate everyone's support during that trying time... and I understand that to those of you looking in.... it seemed I made the right choice. But in the final analysis Warren and I are really the only ones who know what is best for "us".

I have also come to learn over these months.. that even the most inspiring couples.. most inspiring dominants.. most inspiring submissives have bad days.. bad weeks. bad months - and make bad decisions. No one is safe on that pedestal.

I don't think I will ever go back to being a submissive by definition.. with rules and protocols. Never mind those things - I don't think I will ever be able to go back to being subservient to any one ever again.

This weekend I went to Warren's on Saturday ... we went to an event together.. and I spent the night at his house. (god I feel like a teenager who is admitting she had sex for the first time - for god's sakes !!!) We had a wonderful time. And I had a sort of epiphany. We could do BDSM for a few hours and then be boyfriend/girlfriend the rest of the time. No one standing over another.. but both of us standing side by side.. discussing what to do.. how to do it.. when to do it.. and it felt so damn good.

I have no idea - truthfully - if Warren feels as good about this weekend as I do.. all I do know is that it felt right for me. All of it.... every single solitary minute of it.

And that is where things stand right now....... a possible new beginning.

9 comments:

Sir said...

Your words say it much better than I could, but you have conveyed my feelings and thought exactly.

Warren

Hisflower said...

i am sooo happy for you both... i have been hoping you could find your way back to each other :)

hugs,
Hisflower

abby said...

New beginning are wonderful...especially when they feel right! As someone who has followed you for a long time..I am happy for you.....and Warren! abby

slave freya said...

Good! As long as you both find joy in each other, no one else's opinion really matters.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely none "WTF"...
More; It's about time!
I'm so happy for both of you, even if I only know you from a "screen". Sort of..

Annelin

Lev said...

yay for the 2 of you and let's hope that you're able to keep at it. know that you're not alone - there are many of us out there that step in and out of this, that see are partners [for the most part] in egalitarian ways but still need the kink and play

butterfly said...

Oh that is just awesome!!!! I'm so happy for you both!! :-)

butterfly

anna said...

One you two know what works best for you. If it makes you happy, then I say go for it!

BlazngScarlet said...

If you're both happy, then that's all that matters.

Personally, I too was hoping you'd find your way to eachother.
:D