Sunday, October 03, 2010
Over the last month or so Warren and I have been working on mending fences and becoming friends. We have had coffee dates, and dinner dates, and talking and talking - probably more than we talked in the last 3 years I was collared to him. We even struck up a deal to play together if/when we were at the same events.
I know some of you who read here.. who followed the nasty emotional break up... are probably sitting there staring at your computers wondering "WTF". I appreciate everyone's support during that trying time... and I understand that to those of you looking in.... it seemed I made the right choice. But in the final analysis Warren and I are really the only ones who know what is best for "us".
I have also come to learn over these months.. that even the most inspiring couples.. most inspiring dominants.. most inspiring submissives have bad days.. bad weeks. bad months - and make bad decisions. No one is safe on that pedestal.
I don't think I will ever go back to being a submissive by definition.. with rules and protocols. Never mind those things - I don't think I will ever be able to go back to being subservient to any one ever again.
This weekend I went to Warren's on Saturday ... we went to an event together.. and I spent the night at his house. (god I feel like a teenager who is admitting she had sex for the first time - for god's sakes !!!) We had a wonderful time. And I had a sort of epiphany. We could do BDSM for a few hours and then be boyfriend/girlfriend the rest of the time. No one standing over another.. but both of us standing side by side.. discussing what to do.. how to do it.. when to do it.. and it felt so damn good.
I have no idea - truthfully - if Warren feels as good about this weekend as I do.. all I do know is that it felt right for me. All of it.... every single solitary minute of it.
And that is where things stand right now....... a possible new beginning.