Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Lonely Journey begins.........






i have been trying to decide if i should start a brand new blog...... or simply try and continue on here.

This morning i decided to make some changes here......... like only allowing one post per day (until such time as all the other entries are sent to archive heaven) ...... changing the lead in picture....... juggling some of my links.. removing some of the pictures........ and starting over here.........

"starting over??" i hear you all asking.........

yes ....... starting over.



You see - on Monday last week - Sir took his collar back. i had thought perhaps this could all be talked out and struggled through and worked out. But between "he says" and "she says" the collar has been returned.

Besides all the hurt i am living through right now.... that one act (the returning the collar) hurts me the most. i wanted to do it "right" ........... if there is such a thing as a right way to return one's collar - something that has graced my neck for almost 9 years.

Nine years ago (give or take) i got down on my knees at Sir's feet and begged for His collar.

Nine years later i thought it only fitting that i kneel at His feet and beg Him to remove it - through tears and heartbreak.

But it wasn't to be .............


And so here i am ....... a submissive without a dominant, trying to pack up 9 years of life...... trying to pack up nine years of protocols and serving, trying to let go of 9 years of memories (good and bad)

i know...... for the most part - despite wonderful supportive friends rallying around - this is going to be a lonely journey.

i know this is not going to be an easy journey.

And i know.......... it will be a whole lot easier to work it all out here........ NO!! not the dirty laundry - there is enough of that on both sides ....... and i don't believe in airing dirty laundry.........

But more....... work out what happens to me now.............

you are welcome to join me on this new journey............... or not.

21 comments:

kaya said...

You aren't alone. Not in spirit.

Anonymous said...

Im sorry you are going thru this know that we are thinking of you.

starla

swan said...

There is very little to say. I am glad you are here, sharing what you can...
We, too, are here, and will be. You will surely have to endure a time of sadness and loneliness, but you will not be alone.

Hugs, swan

Hermione said...

I'm very sorry that you are going through such a difficult transition. As the others have said, you are not alone. We are all here for you.

Hugs,
Hermione

Anonymous said...

i have occasionally commented here..but have checked in every day for a couple years. i was releaved to see you back...it will be a difficult, lonesome journey...i am very thankful that you are willing to share it with us..sending hugssss your way
linda

Chloe said...

I read here all the time, but I don't often comment.

I just wanted to say, for what it's worth, that I am here and reading. And while you're right - it will be a lonely journey - you won't be alone.

I hope that makes sense.

~Chloe

Hisflower said...

i echo everyone above- you are not alone..we are here for you to work through all of this- to vent, scream, cry and laugh..i cant tell you how sorry i am for your loss..i wish i was there to give you the tightest, warmest hugs, but know that they are being given to you.
~~~hugshugshugs~~~
Hisflower

Katie said...

I've been reading your blog for a long time, but have never commented before. Please know that there are many people who care about you. As has been said before, you are not alone. Take care of you, and remember, the passage of time does help. Stay strong, hon. Hugs, Katie

Raheretic said...

We three are ready to travel this path at your side.

Raheretic (Tom)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

Impish1 said...

I don't really know what to say. I hope, however, that my feelings will make themselves through. You are not alone, and just as you were so often seen here by other's sides as they traveled through difficulties and strife so now we will be by yours.

Buffalo said...

Crap.

Yeah. That pretty much says it.

SPANKEDHORTIC said...

So sorry to hear about this.

If it is any compensation, I can tell you from experience that following the path alone often leads to the greatest adventures.

Prefectdt

BlazngScarlet said...

Take your time, you will find your way.
But you are not now, nor will you ever be, alone.
I will gladly join you on your Journey, after all, that's what life is about isn't it?
The Journey.

We are all here for you.

Anonymous said...

I dont normally comment, but I do read daily. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

Sharon

Anonymous said...

I rarely comment... but im so sorry to hear this.... Im with you in spirit and wish you well.

Tracy xox

dara said...

I don't think I've commented much but I've been following you off and on for the last couple of years. It breaks my heart to read this. You're a strong woman and will pull through, no doubt. :)

PKB said...

<3 you.

Anonymous said...

There aren't words enough to say how sorry i am but for what it's worth my thoughts are with you.

s xx

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Life is shit much too often...

Annelin

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for a long time, you have made me laugh, cry, sit in awe...and now i sit beside you in support. The following once saved my sanity. i keep it with me and read it every day.it gave me hope....i wish the same for you.. xxx equator hotty



Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life,
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence:

The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendor of beauty,
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow only a vision,
But today well lived makes every yesterday
a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation of the dawn.

butterfly said...

I read your blog faithfully, and like many others don't comment much, if at all. I just want to offer my support as you go through this difficult time.

butterfly