i am very glad that i am a collared submissive - because truthfully i would not want to start a search for new dominant now .... things have changed so much !!
But having said that... as much as things change they stay the same. Submissives still get all caught up in a frenzy to find THE One.. Dominants still get all caught up in their own PR.... you know.. I am Master listen to me roar.
When i was a bossy bitch subbie.. and leading the submissive group here in the Great White North - we stressed and stressed the importance of getting to know your prospects (be they Dom OR sub !!) before running off with them for a coffee or a play session. Chat with them on line.. email them... chat some more.. take your time.. sometimes they listened.. sometimes they didn't.. but we (we being the older "wiser" submissives) felt we had done our job by warning them.
Now i see - especially on sites like Fet life and collar me and others .. a frantic almost desperate need to "hook up" with someone .........anyone. A couple of emails or messages and both parties are jumping at the bit to meet for coffee and then maybe............ 'let's see what comes after'. i shake my head... do people not understand basic rules of living?? Don't people understand that you can not possibly get to know someone in a week or less of emails??
It bothers me.. it honestly does. In my teens i never dated just one boy at a time.. hell there were just too many i wanted to get to know.... When i was divorced and looking for a Dominant.. i took the same attitude. i wanted to get to know as many folks as i could....... and not just Dominant. i wanted to know the submissives .. the slaves.. the tops..the bottoms.. the Masters .. the Sirs.
i was basically uneducated in the lifestyle and i wanted to learn.........and who better to learn from than all the different folks who came out to munches ??? god i loved the munches.... i could be me.. i didn't pretend to be this groveling subbie who would lick your boots and give you a blow job in one motion. No!! i was me. i chatted to everyone.. and picked their brains.. i was polite .. (social skills i learned at my mother's knee - cause ya see .. i don't care what lifestyle you select - social skills are still valued or should be)
i went to public parties and watched how people interacted.. i made up my mind what it was i really wanted from this lifestyle..... in a Dominant and in myself.
There was a sub who used to crawl around the public venues with a crop in her mouth, her nearly bare ass in the air, begging anyone to whip her. i knew immediately that that wasn't the sort of sub i wanted to be........ i couldn't - not in a million years - carry that one off.
There were subs who would sit in groups (much like when i was at a school dance as a teenager) on the far edges of the action and watch like timid little girls. And i knew i couldn't - not in a million years - be like that.
i watched as Dom's strutted their stuff. Some insisting that every sub/slave kneel and actually - literally - kiss their hand and i thought (WTF!! i can't ever do that !!! i don't respect doms who have a "I rule the world" attitude)
And i watched as Doms stood silently by and watched too......... and seemed as shy as the group of subs sitting on the edges.
Me.. well i was more likely to be moving around.. chatting up folks.. and moving on.. (it's harder to hit a moving target - cheeky grin)
i was looking for someone real..... with warts and bumps .. someone who was human.. and knew it.
And there was this switch....... who - at a play party - stood patiently while a lady did some fancy bondage work on his head !! and another time this lady spent forever doing some fancy bondage work on him.. only to have it fall off his body with what seemed to me at the time a magic wave of HIS hand. This man interested me.. He was cheeky and bratty and lively and fun to be with. He didn't take himself too seriously. He was who he was.. and didn't give a damn if he fit in or not. He flitted from group to group chatting up people... being himself.. not trying to impress anyone. Yup.. this man interested me.
Of course you all know this man i am talking about landed up being my Sir........... but not immediately.
We chatted at munches - at play parties.. we emailed.. and chatted on line.... It must have been almost a year before i begged Him to collar me. By that time .. we knew one another.. (oh we still had lots and lots of kinks to work out....... and so many bumps in the road that we nearly got stalled more than a few times) .......... BUT we kept on plugging along... because ya see... we liked each other .... as people first !!
And i think .. maybe....... it helped that i knew exactly what it was i was looking for. i didn't go around asking people what i should want.. or how i should do things.. nor did i play the helpless female.... i was bold and decisive and made up my own mind. i was my own person.. and ya know what?? i believe that made me more valuable as a submissive.. when i offered my submission to Sir...... it wasn't on a whim.. it had thought behind it.. AND.. more importantly .... it was MINE to give.
Today.......... sigh.............. things have changed i think.... subs and doms alike push for meetings immediately .. they want to play immediately.. they just don't want to take time to get to know people.. yes PEOPLE.. there are a whole lot of fish out there in that BDSM sea ........ and a whole lot of frogs to kiss before you find your prince (or princess).
i think it is a pity everyone is in such a hurry......... they don't know what they are missing.. the different people.. the different philosophies.. the learning ..............
more's the pity.