New Theme Song

My eldest daughter sent me this yesterday..... she believes in me - more than I believe in me now....

" gonna take back my life.... "

Get it?

Seeking serenity

I can finally return to yoga today after 2 weeks recovery from my surgery.  

I am hoping to find some inner peace and calm.

Stupid Me

It has been pointed out to me - more than once - that I tend to see the world through rose coloured glasses.  Shrug.  Maybe I do.  BUT you'd think wouldn't you that when one tries to do everything right - follow the rules - that they will come out ok - wouldn't you??

Well I worked for 20+ years and put money into what I thought was a private pension plan.  Then when I started to look into retiring I was told that because I worked for the government - that when I turned 65 my government pension would be subtracted from my private pension - which it turns out - the government did NOT consider all that private.  What that means in a nutshell is that come October my pension will be reduced by $200 a month!!!  It made me sick to my stomach then....... more so now.

Then - polishing the rose coloured glasses - my dream had been to move to Kingston when I retired.  My father had done all sorts of research and decided Kingston was the best city to retire to........... it has good hospitals (which one needs when one is "getting on")  it has theater ... it is half way between Montreal and Ottawa and Toronto ......... the taxes are cheaper ........... oh he made it sound like a retirement heaven.

W picked up on MY dream and decided we would move to Kingston (back when we were D/s).  Oh we talked about it in our vanilla voices........ even made promises to each other........... we sorted everything out....... I had my rose coloured glasses firmly planted to my face.... and it all seemed perfect!  I would get to move to my city of choice with the man of my dreams.  

Did I think twice about it?? NO...
Did I do any of my own research in case the promises... the D/s didn't work out ?? NO...


 NOW - I decide to take the rose coloured glasses off and look at what is facing me.... 


IF  - and it is just an IF right now - I have to find an apartment by myself I can't afford it.  Well I could find an apartment if I went to the student ghetto.....but finding a nice apartment in a middle class area - is going to be almost impossible.  
The rents are exorbitant.  To try and make ends meet I will have to give up the gym..... give up munches and dinners out - give up cable (well I might be able to afford basic cable) - maybe have to give up my car (have you seen the price of maintenance/licensing/gas these days??) AND even then I am not sure I will be able to make ends meet.  Am I looking at finding a part time job when all I wanted to do after 30+ years of working was enjoy retirement??

I only have myself to blame!  Dumb and dumber... that's me.  All the "should have's" sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear........ should have put more money away - should have looked into rents/costs on MY pension - not my father's - should have not sold / gotten rid of all my stuff when I downsized to move here to W's house - should never have put those damn rose coloured glasses on in the first place!!!

It's really frightening how damn stupid I have been !!!!

  
 

Sunday Sentiments