awards....

Remember how i was trying very hard to get back to basics with my blog?? not worry about what others thought .. just write for me?? remember?? sighhhhhhh..i must confess.. i have had a set back... BUT i think it was / is a good one!! honest i do!! i know maybe i should close my eyes and pretend i didn't see it.. maybe i should just move along and not let it tickle my ego........... BUT... i tried and i failed.. i am so weak !!!

Anyway.......... i was up before the birds this morning (ok ok sometimes i get UP before the birds but i most definitely do NOT go to bed before the birds - stern look in a westerly direction!!) and i was reading blogs.. and came across one that announced i had won "The Thinking Blog Award"??!!!


It turns out that a subtle slave girl decided that my blog made her think!! and as per the prescribed rules for this meme/game.. a) i was awarded the award..... b) i have to nominate 5 blogs that make me think..and c) link back to the original blog that started it all..........main blog site

It was kinda nice to know my blog makes someone think..... more so that i stumbled upon this award given to me... wow! and because i didn't really KNOW about the award.. because it wasn't sent to me per say.. i thought it would be ok to be proud of the fact.. and to write about it... (follow my subbie logic?? )

The tricky part comes now.. according to the rules i must now/ should now nominate 5 blogs that make me think...... oooooops i don't mean i can't come up with 5 blogs .. i mean it will be difficult to come up with ONLY 5 blogs and not hurt anyone's feelings.........oh and btw.. my 5 blogs are NOT in any order - that would be too difficult to do.......... all the blogs i read are #1 thinking blogs.. and no i am NOT sucking up!!!

and i am going to start with a qualifier.. i am NOT nominating my Sir's blog .. because HE makes me think.. not His blog... (god i hope i am not hurting His feelings.. cause ya know what is gonna happen if the Dom's feelings get hurt .............. i can only dream!!! cheeky grin)

ok.. here we go.....


#1 is Buffalo’s blog.. i can't remember when i stumbled upon his blog.. sometime before he started on his great adventure "The Ride about".. this man makes me laugh, cry and stamp my feet with his writings...... the blogs about every day life in Friendly Manitoba are probably my favourite!!!

#2 is swan’s blog ...... when swan writes i always pay close attention.. her blogs parallel to some degree some of the struggles that Sir and i have had.. that i have .. and she gives out some of the best advise i have ever received - on line or in real life....... i am hoping against hope that one day swan and the Clan will be able to visit the Great White North so she and i can sit and talk for hours about our beliefs .. our desires.. and our Doms.. (cheeky grin)

#3 is magdala’s blog - as much as she doesn't post too often.. she always makes me think.. sit up and take notice... she has a wonderful way with words and describing life....... and she has been most patient with my emails asking for further explanations and clarifications..

#4 has to be my cheeky sub friend - drakor’s blog. i love to watch his threads unravelling (cheeky grin - sometimes without any effort at all) he writes from the male sub arena - which sometimes is very different from the female sub perspective. AND he does come up with some interesting challenges ..

#5 - it is hard to chose the last one of my "thinking" blogs..... but i think it has to be an an american geisha’s blog... if for no other reason than this girl DOES indeed write for herself....... i should try and emulate her a little bit more !!

and finally i have to thank .. again.. a subtle slave girl for letting me know i am doing something right with this blog.. making it a thinking a blog....... even if i am the only one doing the thinking.. (that is ok too!!)

spring time thoughts

The Great White North can have some really weird spring weather.......... On Monday we had nearly 15 cms of snow (which is almost 6 inches of snow for anyone interested) winds that knocked roofs off buildings and downed trees and power lines. Today the sun came out and it was 15 degrees C (which is almost 60 degrees F). Yesterday i took off my winter boots... tomorrow i will (if the weather man is correct) be in shirt sleeves.

This change in weather has pleased a friend of mine who has (though he probably wouldn't admit it ) a shoe fetish. He loves .. and i do mean LOVES.. strappy sandals - especially if there are painted toe nails to go with them. (maybe a foot fetish too?? )



i have one pair of strappy sandals.. or what i lovingly refer to as strappy sandals.. and they HURT! i don't know why it is i can't wear heels of any shape or form for any length of time.. and most definitely NOT strappy heels.......

It is .. to me.. kinda like singing.. i can't carry a tune in a bucket (as my grandmother used to say) but god i love singing......... i die when i wear heels.. but god i do love them! There was a woman at school today who was wearing - hell they must have been 3 inch high heels. She wore them all day. i was jealous....... heels do something to a woman's posture.. and to her legs.. have you noticed?? yeah i was jealous.

My favourite foot wear is nothing... well some days i do add a pretty little anklet just for fun. i think i might just paint my toe nails - a pretty pink... because...maybe just maybe.... spring has arrived??!!

Many years ago i had a poem stuck to my fridge.......i think it is way past time to pull it out and stick back on the fridge.. the end bit went:

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot
earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter next time.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

by Nadine Stair

just hanging around

For Christmas i gave Sir some plastic wrap - the stuff they use to wrap up huge boxes for shipping.. OR to wrap around pallets of bricks ( i watched the workmen last week wrapping the bricks they had just pulled out of the sidewalk in front of the school with a roll of the same plastic wrap) i was sitting staring out the window watching this guy wrap layer upon layer of wrap around the bricks and i couldn't help daydreaming.

On Saturday it was like Sir had been reading my daydreams.. He brought out the hammock swing we have and hung it from the eye hooks in the ceiling.. He had brought out the HUGE roll of plastic wrap.. And had me come downstairs to be wrapped. It was fun getting wrapped.. well fun watching Sir get dizzy as He moved round and round me wrapping me tightly in the wrap....... then of course when He got dizzy i got to go round and round while He wrapped and i got dizzy (ok ok.. more dizzy than normal thank you very much !!)

i was a little bit cheeky (yes just a little bit !!) and was tugging hard on the tension and managed to snap the plastic wrap. i was wiggling my shoulders around trying to create bigger shoulder space so that when He was finished i would have wiggle room (i LOVE having wiggle room dontcha know !!) BUT of course Sir caught me and tightened the application of wrap. At one point i was laughing and pointed out to Sir that the more He wrapped.. the tighter He wrapped i was folding inwards. And i was!!

When i was nicely wrapped from my neck to my toes.. i felt like a solid roll of human flesh.. totally unable to move.. barely able to keep my balance.. and most certainly NOT able to sit down lady like into the hammock. Sir had no patience with gentle sitting or lady like positioning... He just pushed and i fell .. into the hammock swing. i had a moment of sheer panic that i wouldn't be able to breathe - the plastic wrap had squished my chest cavity so that my breathing consisted of small shallow breathes... but i needn't have worried.. i could breath fine in the hammock. Sir picked up my legs and with a swish of rope had my feet tied to an eye hook in the ceiling.. He yanked my ass up and pulled the hammock securely under me.. then He walked around the back and pulled the hammock securely up around my back craddling my head and neck. Then He just walked away.. turning the lights off.. leaving me to sway in the suspension and adjust to the feelings.

It was an amazing feeling.. i couldn't move at all.. i had hair hanging down in my eyes tickling me and i couldn't even get enough breath to blow it away.. i was squished and feeling crampy.. for a minute or two i was sure i couldn't breath .. i was one step away from panic when it all came together and i just relaxed the muscles and went with the feelings... i did notice that i had some pins and needles - prickly feeling in my upper right arm - i tried to move the shoulder to straighten it.. because in all my fooling around i had managed to turn the shoulder inwards towards my body and i had one of those subbie moments of clarity when i realized i probably had pinched a nerve... compressed a nerve.. done something to a nerve in my shoulder. BUT i was bound and determined to enjoy the sensations of bound and floaty as long as i could.

It wasn't long before Sir showed up armed with the needles. i was whimpering even before He got the lid off the container.......... BUT i had to giggle when Sir suddenly dropped from my line of vision onto the floor and squiggled under the hammock... oh my !! how i wish someone had been there to catch THAT moment on film.. how domly is it to squiggle under a hammock??? It didn't take long before i felt the first sharp prick of the needle.. i yelped loud.. and Sir stopped. i was begging Him not to do my ass.. why ?? i haven't a clue.. i think i was worried about the ropes of the hammock somehow catching on the needles and pulling them out... i was just plain scared. Sir squiggled back up and put two needles in my breast.... i wanted more it felt heavenly.. but He explained later that He was concerned because the breasts were squished all tight down and He didn't want to hit vital breast tissue. (good thing cause i have grown rather attached to these breasts)...

Then just for fun .. and because Sir knows how much i love cold (NOT!!) He went and brought down the chain flogger which is always kept in the freezer - some days i wish i could hide it well behind the frozen hamburger or veggies....... but Sir always manages to find it. He carefully laid the chains across my body.... and i shivered. Did i mention how much i HATE the cold???

i figured out how to use my legs.. strung from the ceiling.. as leverage and gently rock myself. It was just so damn good !!! Unfortunately though..... the right hand was feeling dead..i tried to wiggle the fingers but it hurt too much. i called out to Sir who was working in the train room.. and He came immediately. The hand was a problem.. and because of the type of wrap He had done.. the whole thing had to come off.. NOW. Trust me when i say i held my breath as the scissors snipped through the wrap - especially when they got to my private pink bits and my breasts ... but in no time at all the hand was rescued. OH MY GOD it hurt as the blood flowed back into it !!!

Next time Sir promised to work out how to wrap my arms and especially the shoulders so that they don't turn inwards....... i think if they were wrapped separately then only my arms could be released .. and i could continue to rock myself to oblivion..........

the joys of menopause

Over the past few weeks i have openly stated "IF i wasn't post menopausal - i would SWEAR i was pms'ing" ... only difference is my "pms" (for lack of a better word) seems to be ongoing.. not a monthly event.

None of the women folk in my family went through menopause.. not naturally anyway..(so i don't have anyone to talk to about this from a family point of view) even my mother who like her sisters had a hysterectomy very young went on HRT and stayed on them for years - until her death from breast cancer. Her sisters did the same thing.. HRT till they died from cancer in one form or another.

i decided early on... on this menopause journey... that i was going to do it naturally. My doctor fully supported my decision. All in all it hasn't been that difficult a journey....... i read books about menopause (best one was "Off the Rag") and decided to laugh about the hot flashes.. the night sweats etc.. make a joke of it and it couldn't be that bad. And i was right.. i virtually sailed through those symptoms.

The big problem was my blood pressure - did you know that hormones help control blood pressure?? But even my blood pressure the doctor managed to get under control with some pills..

BUT now.. now i face unstable and bitchy (as the cartoon at the top indicates) and i am trying to laugh at it.. but somehow it isn't all that easy. PMS daily .. 24/7 is something rather daunting to face. i had an epiphany this weekend when i had a meltdown and couldn't stop crying... (ohhhh i still believe i had a damn good reason... subbies - as discussed in previous blog entries - do NOT do well with promised sessions and then have the rug pulled out from under them.......... fear factor is an important element of any good session) Sir didn't know what to do to help me.. i asked Him to please give me some time alone.. some time to cry and not have to worry about protecting Him from the tears.. i felt as though i had been holding it in forever.......... and so .. graciously .. Sir left me .. and i had a damn good cry....

My grandmother used to maintain a good cry .. a really good cry .. cleans the soul and makes the world bright again. i believe she could be right. While i was alone and crying.. i had this epiphany...... there is nothing wrong with Sir.. with our relationship... i DO love the man with all my being.. what is wrong is that my body/mind is playing tricks on me.. reading fairy tale blogs is playing havoc with my mental stability (not being able to differentiate between the real and the not so real - i seem to have lost the ability to cut to the chase along with losing my hormones)

i realized no matter what anyone thinks.. or advises........ Sir and i are really the only two who can work on this relationship.... sure some Doms - when with their subs - play for hours and hours ... but then that works for them right?? would it work for us?? i did a very honest soul searching look and realized ....... no it wouldn't work for us... One of the reasons is we are together 24/7 for the weekends.. not just for a few hours here and there over a monthly period. We are living BDSM not playing at it occasionally.. life has many facets to it.. and we must live through all the facets.. the good the bad and the ugly..... AND i realized that i would panic if Sir and i didn't have an excellent session of some sort or other to report here on my blog....... how WRONG is that???!!!

So i wiped my eyes.. blew my nose and told Sir that all was right with the world once again... welllll until the next time... This part of menopause seems to be a bitch to deal with.. some days i honestly think i am losing my mind. This weekend helped me to remember it is what it is.. MENOPAUSE. i am not going crazy (well not crazier than i am normally).... i am just limping along without any hormones.

AND there is a bright side to this.. first - i don't have those monthly periods to deal with any more (well it has been 5 years now and i have finally - in this last year - realized it IS over - everyone say "HALLELUJAH !!") secondly all the horror stories of losing my sex drive and natural lubrication has not happened to me (wellllllllllll not yet anyway) .. and thirdly - i am still a vibrant cheeky woman - underneath the bitchy unstable-ness......

working again...

For those folks who were worried because The Journey was "out of order" ... rest assured it is slowly returning to working order.......

The problem started when i realized i had gotten away from the raison d'être of this blog.. it was not set up to please other people.. it was not set up to see how many people would come.. it was not set up to be a popularity contest...........

This morning i revamped the look.. (about time too as the second anniversary of this blog is April 28th) and revamped my attitude.

This Journey is about the ups and downs of my relationship with the world around me... both the vanilla world and the BDSM world.. If you want to read fairy tales of flogged subbies getting loads of sex and giving loads of blow jobs and living happily ever after in some fairy tale BDSM land then i suggest you look elsewhere.. this blog is about my life.. the good the bad and the ugly.